My husband won’t have sex with me and he’s on drugs

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Can’t give up. Image by: google.com/images

Dear Kristin Nicole;

The Question:

I have been with my boyfriend for a year, it has not been easy, we started out just okay. Both wanting a life long partner. He is 54 and I am 48, both been married a few times both have a few children. We both have a thirty year old and a seven-year-old child and a few between. We have a lot in common and a lot of the same interest. We both feel we need to be in control and are alike. Neither one likes to give in. We love each other at least I do but can’t read his mind. His sister said, “If he did not care for you he would not even bother.”  So let me get to the problem.

 

I love this guy but he does not give me any affection what so ever now, No kiss, No touch, No sex, we fight all the time about it. I want it and he tells me you nag and you will not get it, shut your mouth, it is your mouth. [sic]. I try not to say anything, one, two, three and so on in weeks and still he will not even come to bed. He said he does it to teach me a lesson. In one year he might have been to bed 30- 40 times an average of once every two-three weeks, it is so lonely. He stays in the room with me but sleeps in a office chair. It is killing me, I cannot stand it anymore, I feel so lonely. :-( I cry almost every night. A few months age I began to sleep in my daughters’ room, then down stairs now in the office of my company, just so he cannot hurt me by not coming to bed.

 

We both are pretty good looking people, I only think about making love to him. I do not want to be with anyone else and cannot even think about cheating, like I said he is a very good looking man, we both look young and I am sure he is not cheating, but this just makes a person think what is wrong. The other thing is that he has only cum inside of me twice, and I have wanted to always him to do it in my mouth, but he makes me feel like he does not want me. The sex has always been bad. I feel like I cannot please him. He will do everything to show me he is right, even giving in gets me nowhere. Now I feel he is just tired of me. I am a very loving and giving person and giving him breakfast in bed every day. He has a drug problem that does not help, but I do not use myself. He started excluding me out of friends because he feels bad to use in front of me. Yes I do make a few comments but do not nag on that. Also I had my second stroke on 2/20/2013. Walking and doing better now. He was there for me in a way but he did not know how to help me; he is very selfish, but gave me the time he could and I did not make it easy for him. Anyways what you have here is two very selfish people that love each other and neither one knows how to give in and it is killing both of us, at least me. Help!!!!!!!!

~ Too many problems but not wanting to give up.

(Revised by KN)

The Answer:

Dear Too many problems but not wanting to give up;

It seems to me that you already know there is problems in this relationship and although you acknowledge them you don’t want to accept them. If he isn’t giving you attention, sleeping with you, having sex with you, talking to you and he’s on drugs, then there is something really wrong here. I don’t know what drugs he is on, but this is the number one issue to start with. If you have a young child, it isn’t healthy that he is doing drugs. This can also be causing him to not have a sexual appetite. If he is depressed this can also cause a low sex drive. There are numerous reasons he may be acting like he is. It can be the drugs, it can be that he just doesn’t care, it can be that he’s cheating on you, it can be a million things. You need to try and talk to him, tell him you want to make this marriage work but not being intimate and ignoring you is not the answer. The excuse you said he gives you about “teaching you a lesson”, WHAT LESSON? Men don’t normally think like that, at least not any man I have ever met. If anything your punishment would be in the bedroom, not avoiding you. It sounds like you want to try new things and that you aren’t closed off to doing anything kinky or otherwise, so why he doesn’t want to have sex with you is beyond me. The only advice I can give you, is TALK to him. Try to go to counseling and explain what you are feeling. You have two choices, you live with it and be miserable, or you realize that he’s a complete ASS and get out of this relationship. You deserver someone better, someone who will listen and talk to you, someone who will have sex with you and love you and someone who won’t put you down. You also deserve someone who isn’t on drugs and ruining their life and the life of your child. Think about it….

 

xo,

kristin nicole

 

 

 

I caught my husband having affairs on the net – After being married for thirty years

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The-Question:

I caught my husband having affairs on the net – After being married for thirty years I don’t know what to do? I cant seem to trust him anymore. I cant seem to forget and keep blaming myself for not keeping an eye on him.


My Response:

Dear 30 Years;

You have every right to not trust him anymore, you were married for 30 years and he betrayed your trust in the most horrible way a man can betray a woman’s trust. Do NOT blame yourself. We can not be on top of our men all the time, and we shouldn’t have to. You should be able to trust the person you are with and that person should be faithful to you no matter what temptations are out there. If your husband couldn’t be faithful this is not your fault. No matter how hard it may be you deserve respect and love from someone and you deserve to not get cheated on. It may be hard to leave your husband but he left you the day he decided to cheat on you and destroy your marriage. Stay strong, it isn’t going to be an easy journey for you but I promise there is someone out there for everyone. My aunt was married for over 20 years and later found her soul-mate. It’s never too late! Good luck!

xo
kristin nicole

I found this question on <a/ href=”http://www.answers.yahoo.com”>Answers.Yahoo.com

How do I express myself?

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Express yourself. image by: google.com/images

Expressing yourself can sometimes be hard. If you are angry do you tell the person you are fighting with what you feel right then and there? Or should you wait until you cool off and have a more focused mind set? Sometimes letting it out in the moment allows you to really tell the person how you feel but sometimes it’s better to cool off and talk calmly with each other in order to avoid words you may regret later.

Sometimes there comes a time when you argue with your boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, or friend, and sometimes you get so angry you can’t express your feelings. In my case I try to talk in the moment but if I get too frustrated I close myself off because I can’t fathom having a conversation with that person. When I try to say what I am thinking sometimes I over think my thoughts and I end up stoping my self, leaving myself with no words to say.

Why do we do this? Why is it so hard for women and men to say what they feel? Are we afraid of what the other person might say? SOMETIMES, For me that is the case. I’m afraid to get into a bigger argument when I just want them to understand what I am feeling, but that doesn’t always work.

So I find it easier to express myself sometimes through email, letters or text. I know this shouldn’t be the solution but sometimes it’s the only way to get what I feel out in the open. It’s better to get it out one way than not at all. Right?!?

In my letter I try to really go into details on what I feel but you still want to make sure you aren’t crossing the line somewhere. Sometimes in letters the person reading it may interpret your words differently and you don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings, unless taht is your intentions of course.

I found a website that talks about relationships and communication, and I truly believe that communication is the KEY to a healthy and long relationship. You can’t hold things inside because in the end you will only blow up, and that isn’t good for either one of you. This website tries to help MEN communicate better. For those men who have problems communicating check this website out and click HERE.

Even though the website indicates how to communicate more for men towards women, I think it’s good for women to read it as well. Some of women might be a little more like men then we think. Open up to your other half and tell them how you feel, but don’t attack them with your words, just tell them that you only want them to know how you are feeling and what can “we” do to fix it.

Assumptions are the termites of relationships. ~Henry Winkler.

xo
kristin nicole

I’m too involved in my daughters life and it’s taking me away from my son and husband

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Over Involved Mother – image by: google.com/images

The Question:

 Dear Kristin Nicole;

I am way too involved in my nearly 15 year old daughter’s life. It consumes me and my happiness seems to be dependent on how happy she is. I find myself getting too involved in social issues and give advice often before she asks for it. We have a great relationship and she tells me so much but I sometimes wish she didn’t. Lately I have lost sleep worrying about girl issues and boyfriend issues. She is extremely attractive and athletic and often suffers from jealous girls trying to knock her down. Lately these girls have been trying to turn boys against her and have succeeded to a point. She says it doesn’t worry her but I struggle to believe that. She says she is fine but I just can’t stop worrying and giving advice. I need to stop before I ruin the wonderful relationship we have had and she stops telling me things. It’s just that I know what can potentially happen and I am trying to protect her from it. Help me to stop as i am neglecting my 11 year old son and husband that is all that is consuming my thoughts. I am an educated person with a degree so I should know better! (Edited by: KN)

My Response:

Dear Over involved mom;

I know it’s hard to not worry about your daughter, but you have already passed the first step of realizing you are too involved. You have to accept that your daughter needs to make her own mistakes and you need to try to let what she tells you not bother you. If your daughter is open with you and she is telling you that she is okay, you need to believe her and let her come to you if things aren’t okay. Start making time for mother and son day. I can only imagine that things in common with an 11 year old son may be difficult but try to see what he wants to do and start giving him attention as well. Also try to make time for a date night with your husband and talk to him about how you are feeling. If you don’t explain to him how you feel then he won’t understand what it is you are going through. If you talk to him then at least he will have a better understanding on what is going on with you. Remember communication is key, let him help you and get your mind off things. Remember teenagers will have ups and downs, that’s why it’s called teenage years, so try not to worry so much about your daughter. It sounds to me like she’s a smart girl, and she already knows she can come to you if she needs you. Start focusing on the good and don’t over analyze everything she tells you.
Good Luck
xo,
kristin nicole

I cheated with my best friend

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Lost and Confused – Image found on google.com/images

Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole,

I have been with my boyfriend for five years, and recently cheated on him with my best friend. If you are wondering, my best friend is a girl. I have always loved the way women looked, but never tried being with a woman, and my best friend has always told me how beautiful I am and has always been there for me. I feel guilty sleeping with her, but at the same time I don’t know if to leave my boyfriend or tell my best friend that we can’t hook up anymore. Please help.

~Confused

My Response:

Dear Confused,

If you are feeling confused maybe it’s best to stop hooking up with your boyfriend and best friend and try to evaluate what it is you are feeling. On top of cheating with your boyfriend, you cheated with a woman. Have you always had feelings for women? If you have then maybe you have been trying to lie to yourself about the way you truly feel. First find out what it is you are truly searching for and go from there. It isn’t good to lie to your boyfriend but figure things out before you hurt more people. Good luck

xo,
kristin nicole

Brother & Sister Wedding Dance

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I love my Brother – Picture found on Instagram – edited by: kristin nicole


So recently I have been thinking that I really want to save a dance for my brother at the wedding. My brother has always been there for me, at some points even though I was so mad at him, he really thought he was my father, so it only feels right to dance with him on my special day. My brother is my best friend and I couldn’t imagine my life without him. So I have two songs that I really like and I wanted to see what you all think. Let’s have a vote on which song you like best.

The first song is called My Wish by Rascal Flatts

Lyrics

I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow
And each road leads you where you want to go
And if you’re faced with the choice and you have to choose I hope you choose the one that means the most to you
And if one door opens to another door closed I hope you keep on walkin’ ‘til you find the window If it’s cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile
But more than anything, more than anything
My wish for you Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you’re out there gettin’ where you’re gettin’ to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too Yeah, this is my wish

I hope you never look back but you never forget
All the ones who love you and the place you left
I hope you always forgive and you never regret
And you help somebody every chance you get
Oh, you’d find God’s grace in every mistake
And always give more than you take
But more than anything, yeah more than anything
My wish for you Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you’re out there gettin’ where you’re gettin’ to I hope you know somebody loves you And wants the same things too Yeah, this is my wish, yeah yeah

My wish for you Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you’re out there gettin’ where you’re gettin’ to I hope you know somebody loves you And wants the same things too Yeah, this is my wish (My wish for you)
This is my wish (My wish for you)
I hope you know somebody loves you (My wish for you)
May all your dreams stay big (My wish for you)

The second song is called Brothers by Greg Bates

Lyrics

They knew all about you from the day that you were born
Your highchair, weight in ounces, the face that we adored
But when it came to naming you Mom and Dad weren’t sure
But that’s what brothers are for

I can still remember your first day of school
And I know I didn’t say it then, but I was worried too
And I know that Momma woulda walked you through that door
But that’s what brothers are for

Yeah I know we’ve had our share of fights
And I’ve come close to killin’ you a few times
But I woulda gone down in flames just to see you soar
Cuz that’s what brothers are for

I thank God that you could be here today
Cuz standin’ next to you means so much to me
As she walks down the aisle, I know I’m not alone
Cuz right beside me is the best man I’ve ever known
And I know we’ve had our share of fights
And I’ve come close to killing you a few times
But I woulda gone down in flames just to see you soar
Yeah, I wanna see you soar
Cuz that’s what brothers are for

Tell me what you think…

xo
kristin nicole

It’s a new year

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Engagement Ring. Lands End. San Francisco, CA – Photo by: kristin nicole

It’s a new year, and everything is changing. As most of you who know me, you know that I went to San Francisco for my birthday. Well it was one of the best birthdays I have had in a long time. My boyfriend of six years, proposed to me on Lands End. The place is spectacular and I couldn’t have asked for a better proposal from the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Now I’m in wedding mode, so in between work and school I have to make time to plan a wedding. It’s amazing how I knew the theme I wanted and everything else has just come together. I don’t have everything yet, but I have the base of my ideas. I have a friend who gave me a great idea. I am going to put together a vision board, full of the ideas I want for the wedding. This way I can see it put together on a board in front of me. Now of course I am not including my ‘fiancé’ in any of this, the less he knows the better he feels. I have come to realize that men are just completely useless when it comes to weddings. Even though they have asked you to marry them, it doesn’t mean they can handle all the wedding plans and ideas. It seems to overwhelm them. I don’t like to stress anyone out, so I try to keep things has simple has possible. Thankfully I have a lot of friends and family who are very excited about this wedding as I am. Having support and helping to plan a wedding is great … how do I call it… stress relief…. anxiety relief…. Okay… who am I kidding, I’ll probably still get anxiety, because I am a little of a control freak. I can’t help it. One bridesmaid said, she can’t even surprise me because I want to approve the surprises! Sorry, but yes I do… haha

If you look at my categories, I have now added a Wedding tab. I will be periodically posting ideas and thoughts on the wedding planning. If you are planning your wedding and want to share ideas or grab some from me, go right ahead.

xo,

kristin nicole

I want to meet her parents but she doesn’t want me to

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Meet the Parents. Image found: google.com/images

The Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole;

I am from Vietnamese . It’s my pleasure to be your Friend on Facebook. I’ve read alot of your article at ” Soapnights.com ” . I see a lot of useful advices you’ve given to everybody when they have a problem. Today, I want to tell you a story about myself . I have fallen in love with my present girlfriend of one and half years. She is older than me by one year. We know everything about each other, I love her and she love me too. Now, I am a last year student at Science and Technology school, she graduated a year ago, she is working for a company at the same city where I ‘m studying. Two month ago, I introduced her to my parents. Because she is very good and kind my parents like her very much. I am very happy about that. I offered to visit her parents, they live in another city about 250 kilometers far from my location, but she refused me several times. She had many reasons about it. I don’t know why and because I asked her several times to visit her parents I don’t want to ask her again. I really want to see them and I think it will be very good if I have a good relationship with her parents. I don’t know what to do? I hope you can give me some advices about this problem . Thank you very much!
Truly yours, (Revised by Kristin Nicole 12/11/12)

~Meet Parents

My Response:

Dear Meet Parents;

Good Morning.

Thank you for following up with articles on Soapnights, I truly appreciate it.

Now to your questions… You need to try and sit down with your girlfriend, and tell her you want an honest answer as to why she doesn’t want you to meet her parents. Tell her how it makes you feel when she doesn’t give you a straight answer and that you want to know the reason for her not wanting you to meet them. It can be a few reasons behind why she doesn’t want you meeting them, but you aren’t going to get an answer unless you sit her down and talk to her. I know you have tried several times, but if she is refusing for you to meet her parents, then something is not right with that. A person who is in love should want the other person to meet their parents, as you did with her. I would get to the bottom of this and tell her that if she is serious about your relationship, this is the next step you want to take. You have to wonder though, why she is really being resistant to you meeting her parents. It is either she doesn’t want them to meet you, or she doesn’t want you to meet them. Whatever the reason, you need to be honest with how you feel and tell her this is what you want. Good luck.

xo,

kristin nicole

My life isn’t going anywhere

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Feeling Alone. Image from: google.com/images

The Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole;

Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m alone. My family does try to reach out but I just shut down. I have all these mixed feelings about where my life is going. I don’t have a job and I just feel as if my world is closing in. I don’t have motivation to do anything, even though I want to grow out of this rut. How can I do this? Help!

~Alone

My Response:

Dear Alone;

You aren’t alone, you have to first realize that your family is there. You already know because you said it, but you need to accept it and let them in. Family is there through hard times, and if they are trying to be there for you then appreciate that and let them help you. There are some people who don’t have families, and there are some people whose families don’t offer help. Be grateful for your family and let them guide you to where you want to go. If you are feeling depressed maybe talking to a professional will help you get out of that rut, and get motivated into getting your life back on track. Make a list of the goals you want to take. The new year is approaching, make these goals a New Years resolution. Get out there and search for a job, go back to school if you aren’t in school and get back on track. You are the only person who can get you motivated. Start looking at what makes you happy and go for it.

xo,

kristin nicole

26 years and no longer in love

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Twenty Six Years. Image found: google.com/images

The Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole;

I am thinking about leaving my husband of 26 years. I held on hoping he would change, I held on for the kids, but now that our kids are older I just can’t pretend anymore. I don’t know how to tell him. Can you help me?

~Twenty Six

My Response:

Dear Twenty Six;

It’s never easy letting someone know you want to move on from the relationship, but it’s even harder after so many years. I think you are making the right decision. You shouldn’t keep pretending to be happy, if you aren’t. Try to sit your husband down and explain to him that you are no longer in love with him. I’m sure if you have not been in love with him for a long time, that this is not going to be a total surprise to him. Either way it is not going to be easy, and he may be hurt. But at the end of the day it’s better for the both of you to move on from something that you aren’t happy with. Good luck

xo,

kristin nicole