The Question:
I’m gonna try to give you some insight without bashing… To start my sister is about 4 yrs older, married.. A couple of years ago she and I decided to room mate about 2 months later she basically told me I needed to move out in less than a week, I stayed maybe 2 days more than she wanted me to go, so her husband (we will call him x) and his friend proceeded to bang on my window telling my boyfriend and I to get the ‘f ‘ out and this was about 12 am. This was one of many of x’s drunken raids. Another night they also called the cops saying we are not welcome but they couldn’t tell us to leave that my sis would need to evict us. Thankfully we got our own place. Time goes by I forgot this incident and tried to form some kind of relationship with my sister due to the fact that I love her kids like they were my own.
Which leads me to the next thing, my sister had her oldest (we will call him b) while she was just a teen herself ( all the kids share the same asshole of a dad, that would be x) but she is constantly putting her oldest down. I know for a fact that he hates living with her. She uses him as her personal slave making him fold all of the laundry ( there is a total of 6 people in the family and he is only 11 but this has been going on for years) And he begs to come over just to get away from x and my sister. B has ask me many times if he could move in with me and my mom. I know this may not sound that bad but it gets worse he has no relationship with x due to more important things like getting drunk and smoking pot. I can only scratch the surface when it comes to this subject.
Now on to the next her new thing is that his family is more family than her own flesh she is consumed by his fathers money (he is native American, we are too but we don’t get money from our tribe) she turns her back on her real family. For example we went to visit our family that we hardly see in Vegas. The first night I was there she got wasted and started to tell me I needed to find some place else to stay that night. My mom and grandma and myself were only there for one night, my sis and her family were there for almost a week, with her in laws that she knew all of 2 weeks maybe. But that same night I was told that I’m not proud of who I was “a native American”. But whatever I know where my roots are and if she was sooo Indian she would know they are not money hungry and they are about family. In the mean time she didn’t bother to go see the family that was there in town visiting.
Now she is blaming me for some pot that went missing from her house! Because my mom watched her house and we only had access to her house. Honestly I haven’t smoked pot since high school which was about 6 years ago. No one in MY family smokes pot except for my brother but he doesn’t even live in the same house as myself. To top it off she won’t let me see her kids unless my mom asks her to let them come over. I’m not welcome in her house… But that part could be a blessing in disguise. But I guess her dog was hurt, and a few other things are missing. Not trying to make my self look good but I love my nieces and nephews too much to jeopardize my relationship with them! I feel my sister has something against me for a long time. Could someone please give me some advice? At this point I really can’t stand my sister, she is self fish and disgusting as a person.
My Response:
Dear stuck in the middle;
It’s hard because you can’t stand your sister but she’s still your sister and what you really care about is being in your nephew and nieces lives. Your sister is obviously not in a happy or healthy relationship, she can be jealous that you are happy and in a healthy relationship and her way of getting back at you is constantly putting you down or not letting you stay with her, this can also not be just her decision, perhaps the husband (x) is telling her what to do. Now I don’t think it’s right and it sounds to me like she needs to grow up, stop smoking weed, take care of her children and move on from that a**hole, BUT it’s unlikely she’ll do just that if she’s still with the guy. If you really want a relationship with your nephews and nieces you need to talk to her, try to talk to her when her husband isn’t around, and just explain to her that you don’t want to argue anymore and that you love her, (even if half of it is BS) JUST DO IT, so you can get on her good side to see your nephew and nieces. How old are they? I know you said the oldest one (b) likes to go to your house, the good thing is he’s old enough to ask to go to your house, which is good, but I am assuming the others are still too little to do just that. Just hang in there, try to go to your mom’s as much as possible when she has them and just remind them how much you love them (I think you said you live with your mom, so have your mom ask for them more often). There isn’t much you can do if your sister refuses for you to see them, so be the better person and suck it up, just so you can see them. This doesn’t mean you have to play nice with her all the time and pretend to like her, you just need to be civil when you see her and nice enough to just see your nephew and nieces. As for her liking his family more than her own, she will see what family is when one day, when she may be left with nothing and you guys are the only ones there to pick up the pieces, hopefully this won’t be the case but unfortunately some people aren’t strong enough to make their own paths. If she is kicking you out of her home more than once, don’t go there anymore, see your family only when it’s either at your house or your moms. Being proud of your heritage is very important no one should be ashamed of who they are or where they came from, so don’t worry about what your sister is feeling and just know what you feel inside your heart is right. This is a hard position to be in, so try to contain yourself from telling your sister off, I know it might be hard but just keep thinking of the precious faces of your nephew and nieces. As to your title question, I don’t think that your sister thinks she’s better than anyone in your family I just think your sister isn’t in a good relationship, and she is choosing his family over her own, which is not only selfish and stupid but moronic. Sounds to me like she has a pretty good sister and if she can’t see that, it’s her loss! Good luck!
xo,
kristin nicole
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