The Question:
I am just out of a very painful break up as of a couple of months ago and I am finding myself looking at porn more and more and it is just coming out from the pain I’m in and it makes me feel terrible. Anybody been in similar situations?
My Response:
Dear Addicted;
Your a young, healthy young guy, don’t feel bad about watching porn. If you feel you are addicted to it and having to watch it more then a couple times a day, then there might be a problem; find professional help (there is such a thing as porn addicts). If you just enjoy it every once in a while to be with yourself, then enjoy it and don’t feel so bad about it. It’s natural for men to like porn and get turned on by it, there is nothing wrong with this. If you feel you are just watching it to avoid getting out there again then stop; there is nothing like a real women vs. just watching porn. Stop feeling down, and get back out there, date a few women and stop feeling bad that your relationship didn’t work out. Relationships sometimes don’t work out and the only thing we can do is get back out there.
xo
kristin nicole
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The Question:
He gets worried when we go out, and just avoids people. If someone asks him a question or tries to start a conversation, he can’t speak and gets nervous and upset.
He seems to be getting worse over the last few weeks. We stayed at his cousins house last week and he was to shy to ask where the bathroom was so he waited fourteen hours until we got home. What can I do?
My Response:
Dear worried;
This is more than just being shy, have you guys gone to a therapist or a doctor to try and see what the problem is. There is something bigger here than just being shy. Your husband is a grown man and he waited 14 hours to get home to go the restroom (and he was at a family members house)? This sounds a bit too much to me. As for when he goes out with you he avoids people, perhaps he has a social anxiety problem where he doesn’t know how to control it and therefore gets nervous and rambles on when talking to others. Has your husband always been like this? Talk to your husband and see when this all started, then talk to a professional and try to figure out what you can do together to make it better.
xo
kristin nicole
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The Question:
I am going through an awful time. I am going through a divorce and so is my boyfriend. We are in our 40′s.
I feel so insecure at times. My boyfriend and I have been together 8 months and at the weekend I asked him if he loved me more than he did his wife. He said ‘no, but in time hopes to’. This wasn’t the answer I was hoping for as he always tells me he loves me so much and I do him.
I thought we had got over it, but he rang me today and said he’s not sure if he can stay with me now I asked that question as I had no right and it has left him feeling very low.
Is this because he misses his wife? I really love him and don’t want to lose him just because I asked one question. Surely if we love one another, we should be able to talk and ask anything which might be bothering us.
Please help. I am so down today.
My Response:
Dear Insecure;
Every love is different, that isn’t a question that you ask someone, and if he was married to her for many years I am sure he loved her a lot. This does not mean that he doesn’t love you any less or any more than he did her. It is a totally different relationship and you are both coming out of marriages that you were in for a long time. He may feel uncomfortable that you asked him that, and that he was honest with the way he felt. Perhaps you are asking too much from him right now? Although this is a question I would never ask because you are only looking to get hurt with that type of question. Have you asked yourself why can’t you be happy with the way things are? If what you are looking for is a deeper relationship and wanting to know where your relationship is going, well that is a totally different question that you need ask him. Talk to your boyfriend and tell him that you don’t want things to be awkward because of your question and try to fix things with him if you really want things to work out. Stop being insecure, if he didn’t want to be with you, he wouldn’t be. Know that you are sexy, beautiful and worth every minute spent with you. Love yourself and stop worrying about the rest.
xo,
kristin nicole
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The Question:
I just found out my husband is cheating on me, he keeps denying it and yet he keeps telling me he’s sorry. I’d been suspecting for a while and now I have proof, when I confronted him, he denied it and he kept telling me he’s sorry, I’m so sad because I love him very much and what I don’t understand is we’re newly married, is he fed up of me already? I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know if I can forgive him and move on.
My Response:
Dear Newly Wed;
Have you showed your husband the proof so that he can’t deny that he is actually cheating on you? This is a hard situation to be in and no one should have to go through what you are going through, especially so early in your marriage, but with that said, it is better to have found this out now rather than 5 or 10 years down the road. The trust is broken and it is very hard to get that back after someone has cheated on the relationship. I say show him the proof and move on. It isn’t going to be easy but you deserve so much better than someone who is telling you they love you, married you and then cheated on you. Life is too short to stay with someone who would hurt you like that.
Don’t blame yourself for his actions, it isn’t something that you did wrong, unfortunately men just think with the wrong head. It doesn’t mean that he loved you any less, but it does show a lack of respect for you and your marriage. You deserve a love that won’t cheat on you.
xo,
kristin nicole
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The Question:
I met a guy 3 months before my big traveling trip. This was my dream. I told him my plans since day one and after spending a lot of time together we fell for each other and decided to keep in mutual contact. This progressed into a long distance. Our relationship got stronger and stronger its been year apart, I thought he was the one. I came to realize that I needed to make a choice between my relationship and my trip so I chose the relationship. But ever since we have booked the flight tickets of him visiting me in London then returning home to Australia together we have been constantly fighting for no reason. I thought it was because the long distance that once we can be physically together it would resolve the arguments. Today would be five days before he actually comes to London and he has dumped me.
His reasons were that I haven’t sacrificed anything, if I loved him then I shouldn’t of left him in the first place and will not forgive me for it. That i haven’t given myself fully, I am holding back and don’t want to be committed. That the love that I give him is not good enough, not the same as the love he gives me.
I am still in shock. I have planned this trip for ages it was my dream, he knew it all along and I have sacrificed it for the relationship. I have quit my job, quit all my traveling plans, worked my **** off to save some cash for when I get home. Flights were booked, parcels sent home all because I wanted the relationship. I am so confused, who would do something like that?
My Response:
Dear London;
I’m going to make this short and sweet, Love is great but we will never understand why men do the things they do. You did the right thing by traveling and doing what you have always dreamed to do, sometimes we hold back for love only to find out later that the love we held back for wasn’t really ours to keep. I know it hurts and you already moved half your stuff, but you can get that back, stay where you are and don’t go back home, if your boyfriend wants to tell you about the sacrifices you haven’t made, how about the sacrifice he is throwing back in your face (the fact that he was waiting for you), and he could have joined you on your trip.He could be giving you the guilt trip to break up with you because he’s found someone else (it’s harsh to hear but you have to take this into consideration), or he just truly feels that the relationship isn’t going to work. Try talking to him to get closure if you like, but I think moving on and living your life is the best way to go. Keep doing what you are doing, you can’t stop your dreams for someone else, if the other person really and truly loves you, they will follow you to your dreams.
xo,
kristin nicole
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The Question:
I’ve been married for nearly 20 years and I just found out that my husband cheated on me when we were dating with one of my friends for a short while. He says this was the only time he has been unfaithful and that he regrets it and he wishes it never happened. He sounds deeply sorry but I have no idea what to do. I am completely devastated and heartbroken but he is the love of my life and we have 4 children together.
My Response:
Dear 20 years;
This isn’t something you are going to get over in one night, just because it happened 20 years ago. However, with that said, you should move on, you have to trust that your husband has been faithful to you for this long, especially if you have had no doubt otherwise. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel, don’t hold your feelings inside and work things out. As for your friend, is this still your friend? I don’t know how I would feel about a “friend” not telling me about what actually happened, and holding this secret from me for so many years. Lies always seem to come out, one way or the other. I am not saying you should forgive and forget your husbands infidelity just like that, but if he’s been a good husband and father for the past 20 years then you should find a way to forgive him. Find a way to trust him again and keep that love that has kept you together for the past 20 years alive. It’s normal to feel the way you are feeling, don’t feel bad about how you are feeling and talk through your feelings.
Good Luck.
xo,
kristin nicole
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The Question:
My boyfriend of two months just told me that his previous girlfriend is actually one of his good friends that I knew about. He apparently took a long time to get over her. They hang out as a group a lot even after they broke up and remain as good friends that contact each other frequently. She even told him that she liked him again but he said that he was too confused as she had cheated on him.
She’s very pretty and outgoing, like him, but I’m an indoors person and I don’t share many interests as him. I keep feeling like he should be with her, so I keep hinting to him that I wouldn’t mind if they got back together again. He tells me he loves me everyday, but I just feel so insecure.
How can I stop feeling this way??
My Response:
Dear Insecure;
First if you are trying to push him to be with his ex, then what is the question here? If you love this guy be with him, if you don’t feel that you have a future move on. If he’s confused then he needs to sort his feelings out and figure out what he wants. There are some ex’s that can remain friends, but I think it puts a strain on the new relationships. I do not think it’s fair for you to have to feel comfortable with them talking all the time and even hanging out, especially after she’s told him that she still has feelings for him. You need to make a choice, sit down and stop feeling insecure, talk to your boyfriend, and if he loves you, you are going to have to trust that what he’s telling you is the truth, and if you feel you can’t trust his feelings, then you will have to make a choice, whether to stay with him and see where it goes or move on now and be with someone you have more interest in common with.
Good luck.
xo,
kristin nicole
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The Question:
I came home from work and saw my husband with dog biscuits all over him and with his penis in my dog’s ***. He cheated on me with animal rape. My daughter’s pregnant apparently to a 22 year old. My hubby and I kinda encouraged our daughter to get pregnant. I cheated on my husband with an 18 year old sweetie. My hubby doesn’t know. I’m 45, my hubby’s 43, my daughter’s 13. We don’t want a divorce we love each other. My daughter doesn’t want an abortion and wants to move in with the guy. What are our options?
My Response:
Dear Dysfunctional;
Is this for real? To be honest with you lets start with your husband – EWE!!! You actually want to stay with him after this? Second your Daughter – You ENCOURAGED HER?!? She’s 13??? I’m sorry seriously, is this a real question? How can anyone encourage a 13 year old to get pregnant, and then be upset that she is actually pregnant. If you don’t want your daughter to be with this 22 year old then you should have not pushed her towards him, and if you really want to you can always press charges, because any man who wants to sleep with a 13 year old is just a pedophile in my book. You need to sit down with your daughter (and although I don’t encourage abortion) she needs to know what really comes with having a baby at the age of 13. As for you cheating in “retaliation”, REALLY? & an 18 year old??? I think in all honesty that you all need counseling, and I am saying this with sincere thoughts… Your options: Regarding your marriage – Separation, Divorce, MAJOR Counseling. Regarding your Daughter: Pressing Charges on this “boyfriend”, Talking to your Daughter about the options and what it will be like to have a baby at 13, MAJOR Counseling.
Good luck!
xo,
kristin nicole
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The Question:
I’ve dated guys before, but never had anything sexually with them bc I didn’t think I was ready or they were the right guy for me. I got married being a virgin, but my husband had slept with lots of girls before me (18) and I use to have trust issues ((sometimes i still do)) And one day when I talked to him about it and asked why did he have so many girls? he said because that’s college? So I said that that wasn’t true because I’m in college too and I don’t do that. Anywho sometimes he says that he wishes I would’ve have sex before him?? because no one wants to be with a virgin girl? so in other words he doesn’t appreciate what I gave him. I still feel bad about it and don’t know what to do. Is it wrong to be a virgin? or not having had sex with lots of people before?
My Response:
Dear Virgin;
I’m going to start off with what your husband told you “because no one wants to be with a virgin girl? ” He married a virgin, so what does he mean by “no one”, and this is not true. There are many people out there still that respect someone holding off until they find the right person. Now a days, many people sleep around and contact diseases and much more. When your husband said that he slept around because that is what you do in college and you felt that isn’t true because you are in college and you don’t sleep around, well men are very different from women. Men usually sleep around whether in college or not, it’s a man thing, and there is nothing wrong with it, don’t worry about the past so much and focus on your future with your husband. He is with you for a reason and married you because he loves you. Personally I think it is good for a man to sleep around a bit before finding his future wife because men need to get it out of their system and not feel like they didn’t have fun with other women before settling down. As a women, many women are having multiple sex partners and in today’s society it seems normal, but staying a virgin isn’t necessarily a bad thing if that is what you truly believe in and if that is what you feel comfortable with. I think it’s good to get to know your partner before getting married to make sure that the chemistry is there, but at the same time as a virgin, you really don’t know any other and so the first time is the only experience you are holding on to. I don’t think a women should sleep around like men do, unfortunately there will always be a double standard there, as a man it’s okay but as a women you are seen as a s**t. If you are having insecure feelings over what your husband said then talk to him. Explain to him that what he told you hurt and that you are only feeling insecure because he has slept with a lot of women and you haven’t slept around. Communication is very important in a relationship, and you need to be honest with your feelings. Your husband should be so lucky to have an honest women in his life. Don’t regret ever what you believed in.
xo,
kristin nicole
The Question:
I found out recently that my wife was cheating and emailing old boyfriends (2 different guys);during this 10 years of her sneakiness she kept her self in unbelievable shape and always looked hot. After I confronted her she said she was so sorry and she loved me and she made a mistake.The problem is, that now that her sneakiness has stopped she is not worrying about how she looks and is gaining weight. I know this looks so obvious on the surface but what do you think it really means ??
Is this just another sign of her not being happy with me so she doesn’t have to look sexy any longer.
My Response:
Dear Wife’s Too Comfortable;
First lets start off with that your wife cheated on you and you are still with her. Why are you with her? Don’t you think you deserve someone who doesn’t need to cheat on you to later realize they really want to be with you? Second – her gaining weight and not looking good for you can mean different things. Every women is different, personally I like to stay looking good for me and also because their are other women out there and it feels good to keep your man happy. It could mean that she is no longer cheating and has realized that although she’s happy with you, she now doesn’t have to worry about her appearance, I mean if you stayed with her after she cheated on you, why would you leave her if she gained some weight? Or she can simply just not care any more. I think you should sit down with your wife and talk to her if you aren’t happy. Looks aren’t everything and I am not saying someone in the relationship is not allowed to gain weight, you should love the other person no matter what. I just find it strange that she kept herself up really nice when cheating on you, but now is just letting herself go. Again – COMMUNICATION is key, talk to your wife and see what she’s feeling. A happy relationship needs communication, if you don’t talk, you will never know the answer to your question.
Good luck.
xo,
kristin nicole
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