SoapNights / Kristin Nicole

The Question:

I get very emotional, I am 5’6 285lbs and when we are around friends my wife makes jokes. I do eat a lot but her making fun of me does not help. She actually made me cry and I don’t cry…What should I do?

My Response:

Dear Emotional;

Sit down and talk to your wife, communication is key. If you don’t tell her how you feel, she may never realize that when making jokes about your weight in front of other people really bothers you. If you are unhappy about your weight then join a gym membership or jog around your neighborhood for some cardio exercise. Don’t ever let another person put you down about your weight, not even your wife, if you don’t like it, stick up for yourself and do something about Realizing that you are eating a lot is a good start, start eating healthier snacks and make a change.

xo
kristin nicole

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The Question:

Is my husband ashamed of me? I love my husband very much and we have been together 3 years now. I have put on 10 lbs since we have been together I feel so fat. I used to weigh 110 lbs now I weigh 120 at 5’9 I feel like a cow and he never takes me out anymore. He also doesn’t answer my phone calls or texts anymore when he’s away. I want to lose the weight so badly to make him happy, I would do anything even starve myself. What can I do to make him love me again?

My Response:

Dear 10 pounds;

If your husband is not giving you the attention you need I don’t think it is just because you gained 10 pounds, and if he is ignoring you and not taking you out because of it, then that is not true love. You need to be happy with yourself, don’t ever starve yourself or “do anything” just because the person you love is not there for you. Loose the weight if you want, but do it for you (to make yourself feel better). I can’t imagine that you are “fat” if you are 5’9 at 120lbs. I think the problem here goes deeper than just a few pounds gained, sit down and talk to your husband and get down to the core of what is really going on with him. If he’s that superficial and it really is that you gained 10 pounds then you need to work on that with each other. Start eating better and go to the gym, but this shouldn’t be a reason for the way he is acting with you. Again COMMUNICATION is KEY! Talk to your husband and tell him how you have been feeling, if he wants to work on your marriage he will, and if he doesn’t, then there might be some hard decisions you may have to make. LOVE YOURSELF first, and no matter what any man says or does, remember you are perfect the way you are, don’t ever put yourself down just because a man is acting like a dumb a@# and don’t ever starve yourself to loose the weight, just eat right and exercise, it’s only 10 pounds.

xo,
kristin nicole

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The Question:

Do you believe that we can stop loving some one we used to love?
She said she was in love with me but now she is not…….. how ??

My Response:

Dear Lost Love;

I do believe that we can love someone and one day not love them anymore. Sometimes we think we are in love or that we love someone but we sometimes grow apart or realize that the person we thought we loved wasn’t the person we really wanted to be with. We can sometimes even not want to be with someone anymore and it doesn’t necessarily mean we don’t love that person, it just means we don’t want that kind of relationship with them. Love is hard and it doesn’t always make sense, she could have been confused or thought she loved you or wanted to try and love you but just realized she really didn’t. It is better that she was honest with you rather than have you there believing that she still loved you. I know it’s not easy, but move on, find yourself someone who will love you.

Good Luck

xo
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

Happy Turkey Day…

Today not only do I celebrate Thanksgiving but it is also my anniversary. Today is a day to give thanks to many things, what do you give thanks for?

I give thanks for:

My family
My boyfriend (who I love)
My friends
My job
The roof over my head
The food we eat
I give thanks to god for keeping me strong and keeping me sane when we think things are at our worst.

Remember life isn’t easy for anyone, even those who look like they have everything they don’t. Look at the famous people who look like they have it all but can’t keep a marriage, look at some people who might have it all but loose it to the addiction of drugs, or the people who are strong but have lost love ones. Everyone goes through hard times, and no one person is perfect. Today I give thanks for the many blessings we do have in our lives. Today I give thanks to you (for supporting soapnights & keeping it going). Today I give thanks…

ps Happy Anniversary baby, may more years follow the happiness and the journey we have together. i love you.

xo,
kristin nicole

Happy Turkey Day~

The Question:

I feel weird… its been a long time coming. My husband wants to live in Australia and he does already. I want to stay in England with our son. I also don’t like the way he treats me so I called it quits. Anyway it went surprisingly well. He was fine with it, and said that he would come visit my son when he can. He was so nice to me and he’s never that nice. Its made me feel really guilty. I’m not going to change my mind on t love me to bits. I’m not going to change my mind on this although I love him to bits. I just don’t want to live in Australia and he wont live in England. Why was he so nice and how do I get past this upset weird guilty stage?

Before anyone judges me it was the best thing to do for my son as my husband was violent at times…

My Response:

Dear England;

I’m going to skip right to the part you said “your husband was violent at times”. If this was the case, then it’s more than just not wanting to move to Australia with your husband. If your husband was abusive then it is better to have gotten out of the marriage now rather than later. If you are choosing not to move just because you don’t want to leave home (England) sometimes we have to make sacrifices to keep our family together. Again if he was violent with you, then there is no reason for you to feel guilty for staying in England. You have to do what is right for you and your son, and it is better to leave an abusive relationship than to stay in one. You say that you still “love him to bits”, if your husband is abusing you it isn’t right, and you shouldn’t love anyone who can hurt you that way. What you are doing is better than being in an abusive relationship. If your husband is being nice, he may just be trying to get you to forgive him and move to Australia with him. Stick with what you believe, and if he is violent, I wouldn’t allow him to have visitation rights with your son alone, make sure you are always there with him.

Good luck

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question:

My husband cheated on me while he went to visit some friends and they decided my husband needed a bachelor’s party (with a call girl). Needless to say, his friends weren’t around when she arrived and he payed the fee. All this occurred while he was drunk, according to him.

Since I found out, I have been completely devastated and I feel that my whole world have been ripped underneath my feet. My husband begged and pleaded for a month to try to make it work while he went to counseling. I somewhat agreed. 2mos later he is waiting for the counselor to call him and I am fed up with him pretending everything is OK attitude, when my heart feels like it’s been taken out of it’s socket. 2wks ago I go on my desktop computer that I hardly get on and found he has been watching pornography. At this point I have had it. I understand some men watch it but given the circumstances… it was completely inappropriate. So…. I left the house immediately with my son to my parents house. I had not seen any advancements in his promises and he has shown me that I’m not the woman for him.

My husband finally found an apartment so I can move back in the house. I feel like this is a good move, but I’m also scared that as much as he wants his family back (according to him) I don’t know if he will be able to be alone for several months “wait for me”.

What do you guys think? I really want to be firm and follow through by giving us space, but would it be too much freedom after all he has done?

My Response:

Dear Cheated on;

Let’s start with this cheating (you two are married and have a child) this is unacceptable. This is one of the biggest betrayals someone can do in a relationship. You lost your trust in him and it’s been a few months since he said he would go talk to a counselor. If he hasn’t seen the counselor yet, then it is more than likely he won’t. It does not take 2 months for a therapist to call someone back. If he didn’t get in contact with them, he should have called again to make an appointment.

I think that if you truly want to work on your marriage, separation is not the way to go. The two of you need to be in the same house and work out your problems, you need to perhaps go see a therapist together. If this is something that he doesn’t want to fight for or if this is something that you see as impossible, you have a decision to make, and it isn’t going to be an easy one. You have yourself and your child to think about, and do you want to be in a marriage full of lies?

As for your husband watching porn, I agree, I think most men watch it but I can see how you may have overreacted towards it, considering the circumstances (him cheating on you recently). You are still hurt over it, and it’s 100% understandable. He needs to prove to you that he really wants to work on your marriage and just saying it IS NOT WORKING ON IT!

Also… If you do decide to try and work things out, I would have him get tested (he was with a call girl, and you don’t know if he used protection, make sure your protected, and make sure he gets tested).

Respect yourself, and love yourself enough to know when enough is enough.

Good luck

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question:

Help please Marriage problems……?

So to start it off I am almost 20 and my hubby is 31 and I have a 4 month old baby and we have been married for 13 months. Our marriage is on the rocks we don’t have good communication we are always arguing everyday, I am not happy in this marriage my husband is CRAZY and when I say crazy I mean it; he is the most abusive person I have met. If I say anything he wont like he will go OFF and throw anything in front of him! He hits me in public, like just today he bashed me in the car while he was holding my baby girl and all I said was that my girl will choose what she wants to be when she grows up and I know it wont be something bad and he’s like no she will be a religious person she will be a religious lecturer and she wont choose I will! I am so fed up I hate his narrow minded thinking…..he tells me he loves me but does all this =/ I am sooooooooo belittled he says I am fat and to loose weight so that we can have sex! We haven’t done it for 10 months but sex is not the issue its his anger and narrow minded thinking I am soooo emotionally wrecked I feel like killing myself but then think of my baby girl and I cant leave this world and leave her with him! He wants this perfect wife who is slim beautiful and bows down to him who listens to everything he says and doesn’t say a word, he’s just kidding himself!!

He’s changed my personality, my thinking, my mental state, and I have ZERO self esteem and no confidence and my family hates me and him they haven’t seen me in 3 yrs and I haven’t talked to anyone in my family for 2 years. I am going to go mental I don’t know what to do….

Additional Details
I am still trying to make this marriage work because I don’t want my baby girl to grow up without her dad. I didn’t have my dad half of my life and it sucked! Please help….

My Response:

Dear too young;

You need to take a breather, and relax for a moment, what you are going through is something no person should have to withstand. Stop and think about not only yourself but the life of your daughter. You don’t want your daughter growing up with out her father, but do you think it’s okay for her to grow up with a father who abuses her mom and most likely will abuse her one day too? I know it wasn’t easy for you growing up without a father, but it’s better than growing up with one that is abusive. You need to have respect for yourself, don’t let him put you down and don’t let him abuse you any longer. Have the courage to pick up the phone and talk to your family, I am sure if you talk to them and let them know what is going on they will help you. If they don’t want to help (which I don’t see why they wouldn’t), then you need to be stronger than you will ever have to be for your baby. Get out of that marriage and save yourself and your child from more hurt and pain. It is never OKAY for a man to put his hands on a women and belittle her in front of others. You are still very young and you have your whole life ahead of you, take action and get out now.

There are support groups for abused women and if you feel that you aren’t safe leaving, call the police, get the help you need to get out of that abusive relationship and save yourself and your daughters life.

xo,
kristin nicole

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The Question:

How do you keep the romance going when you have children in the house? I would love to keep the romance going in my marriage, but it is a little more challenging since we’ve had a little girl (almost a year old). He’s away on business quite often as well, which makes it even more challenging… any ideas?

My Response:

Dear Romance;

I know it’s hard because you are probably very tired since you are dealing with a one year old all day. However, just because you have a child in your house doesn’t mean the romance needs to stop. When your husband comes home from a business trip surprise him with dinner, put the baby down to sleep early and light some candles in your room and (well I don’t think I need to elaborate the rest)

If its a normal day, just make sure the baby is sleeping in her own room (I am not sure if the baby sleeps in your room with you guys, but if she does then that needs to stop.) A baby in the bed is what causes most marriages to have problems, sex is very important and you can’t let that flame die down. Spice it up, maybe get a babysitter and go out for the evening together, get a hotel for a few hours (if you can afford it), if you can’t, maybe act like a couple of teenagers and do some fun stuff in the car. When there is a will there is a way.

xo,
kristin nicole

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The Question:

My wife cheated on me years ago, then I caught her emailing old boyfriends recently…It has been a rough 20 years of marriage. Her family is a bunch of crazy lunatics that have caused so
much chaos in our lives and also caused it to her brothers family. I know her family bad mouths me to her all the time.My question is: by their constant badgering of her did they cause her to forget her vows and if she has done this so many times and her family is so negative about me then why is she still staying here?

My Response:

Dear Blame;

Stop blaming your wife’s family, your wife’s crazy family has nothing to do with her actions. Your wife chose to cheat on you and she is now choosing to write emails to her ex boyfriends. I can understand that dealing with a crazy family isn’t easy and it doesn’t help the situation if they are bad mouthing you to her all the time, but she has been with you for 20 years for a reason, and if her family hasn’t broken you up by now, it is more than likely that isn’t the reason your marriage might be having problems now. Stop looking at her family and focus on your relationship with your wife. Sit down and talk to her, find out what is going on and why she is emailing her ex boyfriends. Truth be told, after she cheated on you years ago, that should have been a huge sign to get out. Someone who doesn’t respect the person they love isn’t worth staying with. With that said, you stuck it out and you have made it this far, if you really want to save your marriage find out what is going on with your wife, if you feel she may be cheating on you again, then you need to find out the truth and you need to make a choice on what to do here. Good luck.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question:

My boyfriend and I were in an on and off relationship for almost two years, but a couple of months ago, we decided to break it off and haven’t spoken since.

A couple of days ago, I saw that he had been to my LinkedIn profile – and he is not a connection, since I started the account after the last time we broke up.

Does this mean that he might be thinking of me? Am I right to think it’s a good sign?

My Response:

Dear LinkedIn;

LinkedIn is used for professional reasons, perhaps he was thinking of getting one and just wanted to see your profile, just because he was looking at it doesn’t necessarily mean he was thinking of you to get back with you or anything. You also said that it was a mutual decision to break up, so why the wondering about your ex boyfriend now?

I also don’t see how you know he looked at your LinkedIn? Perhaps the question here goes beyond the fact that he might be thinking of you. I say let it go, if he hasn’t tried to contact you directly then move on. You broke up for a reason right?

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com