SoapNights / Kristin Nicole

The Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole ,

Hi, I’m 18 and I’m having trouble trusting my boyfriend. Last night I had a dinner rehearsal for my friends wedding so I couldn’t hangout with him, so he went out with a bunch of his friends and he said he would be home by 1:30 and he would call me. He called me and of course I was sleeping so he left a voice-mail around 12:30 saying that hes going out to eat with a couple of his fiends and my best-friend, and then he carried on by saying that my best friend is sleeping over his house because she doesn’t want to go home… by the way (BTW) she is 18 and my bf is 19. She also left me a text sating ” hey I’m sleeping over your bf’s house ”. I am super mad at this situation right now and don’t want to talk to either one of them. I know if I did this to my boyfriend he would brake up with me ……. I don’t think this is okay at all. What should I do?
Sincerely,
~Feeling Betrayed
My Response:

Dear Feeling Betrayed;

You need to talk with your boyfriend. Having your friend or any girl sleep over his house is unacceptable. There is no reason for them to be hanging out together outside of the group of friends. This is only feeding temptation. If this is supposed to be your best friend, I would talk to her too because I am pretty sure she wouldn’t want you sleeping over her boyfriends house (if she has one). Right now you have to trust both of them and hope that they are telling you the truth with why she slept over. I would keep my eyes and ears open and talk to both of them and let them know how you feel.

xo,
kristin nicole

The Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole;

I am about to move in with my boyfriend but I have a few doubts. I’m not sure he’s mature financially or emotionally to deal with us moving in together. He is 30 and I am 29, this would be the first time I move in with someone so I’m a little scared. We have had an on and off relationship for a while but for the last six months we have been really stable. Do you think that I should move in with him, or wait until he gets more of his finances in order?

Sincerely,
~Moving IN

My Response:

Dear Moving IN;

You are both grown adults and if you are doubting his financial stability then it is definitely something you both need to talk about. You need to see where both of you stand. Draw out an excel spreadsheet with your finances, how much each of you make, expenses for the house, and miscellaneous stuff like eating out, hygiene etc. Moving in together is a big commitment and since you both have been on and off in the past you want to know deep down that this is the right thing to do, you don’t want to rush into something that you will later regret. If things have been going well and he has a stable job then you are probably just nervous. This is natural, especially if you have never lived with another person besides your parents. Communication is so important in a relationship and if you are going to move in together you will definitely need to learn how to communicate. Talk to him and do your budget sheet, once you do that you will know where you both stand and what you can afford. If you don’t trust your boyfriend at all with his finances then that is something you truly need to think about. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who can’t control his spending or finance situation? Especially since he’s already 30. Sit, talk and work things out.

xo,
kristin nicole

Miserably Insane!

Some people like to talk behind your back and pretend to like you to your face and some people like to be negative and bring you down, but sometimes and only sometimes some people are just miserably insane.

I’ve come to learn that in life there is always that one person that comes into your life who is negative, miserable, and even though you try to be their friend and like them at first, you slowly start to see that this is the kind of person you DON’T Need in your life. Some days I wonder if a person so negative and miserable can ever be truly happy. Do they thrive on talking shit about others? Does it make them feel better to put people down, or pretend to be their friend? When people are so negative it brings the whole environment down, you can feel the the vibes in the room and you feel like you almost have to walk on pins and needles just to not have to deal with that certain someone.

I have learned that sometimes we just need to ignore people who are miserable. We have to remember that Karma is truly a Bitch and one day that person who talked shit about you, or tried to make your life miserable is going to be miserable and alone in the near future. If they aren’t alone already that is…

When life gives me lemons, I make a vodka tonic.
When life gives me oranges, I make a vodka with orange juice
When life gives me a miserably insane person, I smile with a vindictive grin and I know that KARMA will soon kick in…. and then… I make myself a drink

xo,
kristin nicole

The Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole;

I found out my boyfriend cheated on me while we were in a long distance relationship, he finally moved to my home town but I found out that while he was gone he slept with other women. He recently had to go back home to take care of some family business, and while he was gone I hooked up with a friend of mine. I love my boyfriend but a part of me can’t get over the fact that he cheated on me. I know two wrongs don’t make a right, but I felt hurt and betrayed and sleeping with my friend almost made me feel better. I don’t know if I should come clean or tell my boyfriend. I don’t know if I can ever trust my boyfriend again, and I am still so angry with him. The friend I slept with has been trying to get with me and he tells me all the time how my boyfriend is a loser, and how I deserve better, I am a little confused now. Should I stay with my boyfriend or leave him and try to see if my friendship with this guy can be more than just friends?

Sincerely,
Confused~

My Response:

Dear Confused;

Let’s start off with the fact that your boyfriend cheated on you while you were in a long distance relationship. As soon as you found this out, you should have hit the highway. Do you want to be with a man who has cheated on you with not one but several other women, and in a time you were supposed to trust him even more because you weren’t in the same City or State? Second, you are right, two wrongs don’t make a right, and although I can see why you sought comfort in someone who is always telling you that you deserve better, you don’t want your friend to be a rebound guy. If you feel you can’t trust your boyfriend then end things, and send him packing back to where he came from. Take time for you and try to stay friends with your guy friend and go from there. If it’s meant to be, things will work out, if not you will hopefully still have a friend after all this. Don’t ever think you need to stay with someone who has cheated on you, you deserve better. Go find yourself a real man!

xo,
kristin nicole

The Question:

My husband just left me because he said he needed space and time for himself and wants to be free. I pretended to let him go because when we were together I suffocated him by being clingy and needy. We decided to remain ‘Friends with Benefits’ and act like before except we don’t live together anymore.

I have 2 conflicting emotions on these: 1) I don’t want to lose him completely and I’m happy he is still attracted to me; 2) It kills me that he doesn’t stay over (he said, at least not yet because we have to get used to our NEW set-up but it kills me more that I don’t have a husband anymore. He is having fun being free and all, while I cannot stop thinking about what it could’ve been for us.

My Response:

Dear Friends with Benefits;

Your husband left because he needed space, yet he still comes back just to have sex. He is having his cake and eating it too (like that one saying goes). You need to stop and communicate with your husband, either he is fully committed to this marriage or he is not, but he can’t keep coming around just to sleep with you and going back to his own place whenever he wants to. Do you know what he is doing when he’s not with you? Have you spoken about your relationship at all since the split? Is he dating other women? These are all questions you should be asking. Don’t let him just use you for sex, even if you enjoy it. If what you want is your husband back and you have realized you were clingy before and he doesn’t like that then you both need to work on your issues, but it doesn’t mean that he needs to move out in order to fix things. In a marriage there is no break, there is no get my own place and there is no “Friends with Benefits”. You are MARRIED, you are his WIFE, not his Friend! Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel, get your marriage back on track and stop acting as if you were just dating.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question:

I Don’t Understand Why He Is Hiding This?
Okay so me and my boyfriend had a huge fight over him not wanting to spend time with me and then he tells me that he’s texting another girl but they are just friends so we had another fight about that and him hiding stuff from me but surprisingly he’s not texting her because he likes her, he’s texting her to talk about us but he’s now lying to me about texting her even though it’s just about that (I texted the chick because I know who she is). I just don’t understand why he’s lying to me just about that. Any ideas?

My Response:

Dear Fighting;

The fact that he is talking to someone else about your personal relationship is not good, let alone another girl. If you guys are having problems he needs to talk to you, not another girl. Just because he says he does not like this girl and he is only texting her to talk about your problems doesn’t mean he is telling the entire truth. Sometimes we seek out friends in comfort and later it can turn into something more. Talking to another girl about his relationship problems is only causing temptation where there shouldn’t be any. If you have questions, talk to your boyfriend, sit down with him and tell him how you feel. If you want things to work out, stop arguing and talk. Communication is key in any relationship.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

SCREW YOU CANCER!

Do you remember Madison Schafer I wrote about her and I still keep up with her progress with Cancer. Madison is only 2 years old and is still fighting Cancer each and every day.

A new Story:

I follow Madison’s recovery and with that I found Sierra’s story. A story that has been told by her parents. A story that many of us don’t want to see or hear but a story I believe that many need to know. Cancer is a word we don’t like to hear a word we think will never happen, but when you least expect it, there it is, facing you with the most difficult battles you will ever have to endure.

Read Sierra’s story and help those other children in the world find a cure:

SCREW YOU CANCER
Written by: Gen Chamblee

I used to see St. Jude’s commercials on TV and thought “I can’t imagine what those parents are going through.” All the kids had the same look to them. They were bald and had something in their eyes that said, “help me.” I never dreamed that my child would end up looking like one of those kids. I am guilty of being one of those people who says, “cancer won’t touch us, it won’t happen to my child.”

The cemetery where my husband’s father is buried has a section called “The Garden of Angels” and when ever we went to visit his father, I never wanted to drive past that area because of how sad it made me feel that all of those children were gone. Again, I couldn’t imagine. Now my precious daughter is buried there.

How surreal it is. It’s mind boggling how life happens.

I still can not believe Sierra is gone. Some days I wake up and expect to hear her sweet, little voice in her bedroom. But then reality hits me that I will never see her face again. Never hear her voice, never see her smile, never give her kisses again. Cancer ripped her away from me. At night all I can do is lay there and replay the moment she passed over and over in my head. It’s in every way possible, complete torture.

Every time I walk by her empty room, it feels like someone is stabbing me in the heart. I read about her and choke up. It is truly the worst thing that anyone can go through. She will forever be 2 1/2 yrs old. Her pictures on the wall will never change, and all I have are the memories in my mind.

So many have asked me how I can start up a foundation so soon after Sierra passed? How could I go through pictures of her and sit down to write out her story? That I must be so strong to be able to do such a thing. You want to know how I did it? I’m not strong, I’m angry. Furious. I have never been so mad in my life at anything as I am at cancer. It messed with the wrong family this time.

I want the world to know who my beautiful Sierra was. I don’t want another parent to feel the pain I feel. The agonizing, ruthless pain of losing a child.

I have become a different person since January of 2010. I was introduced to the world of childhood cancer in the worst possible way. And now it’s my turn to do as much as possible to open the eyes of everyone who thinks it can’t happen to their child. Because guess what? IT CAN.

Pumping pure poison into children’s’ growing bodies is appalling. But you know what? It’s one of the only choices you have when the Dr. says, “your child has cancer.”

It’s so hard to fathom that only 3% of Federal cancer research money goes to childhood cancer. Neuroblastoma gets even less than that. Every single day 46 kids are diagnosed with cancer and 7 of them die each day. Neuroblastoma kills 1 child every 16 hours. And all we can get is 3%? Are you freakin’ kidding me?

Why are people so hesitant to give? I donated to St Jude’s numerous times before Sierra was ever diagnosed.

Cancer has no rhyme or reason. It doesn’t discriminate. Not one single person in this world is safe from it. It destroys everything good in this world, and it doesn’t care how old you are or how much money you have.

I get so angry when I think about it. People don’t realize how prevalent cancer is among children. It’s a world that people don’t want to think about. But it’s time everyone wakes the hell up and opens their eyes. Kids do get cancer and kids do die from it.

No one knows what Sierra went through on a daily basis.

Imagine a little girl no heavier than 20 lbs, on a ventilator for 3 ½ months, receiving enough sedation to kill an adult, blood transfusions two times a day, endless x-rays, scans, and IV pokes. Close your eyes and imagine huge amounts of poison being pumped through her veins, and adult poison at that. We have children’s Tylenol and children’s Benedryl, but after all these years, there is no such thing as a children’s chemo drug. Then she went through 9 ½ hours of surgery to extract this horrible thing. She battled pneumonia, and terrifying blood infections. And let’s also mention that she coded on two different occasions. To think though, Sierra never made it to stem cell transplant or radiation. There were SIX pages of side effects for ONE chemo drug.

These kids fight for their lives, and then have to worry that the cancer doesn’t relapse. If it doesn’t – they truly survived. But, it’s not over. Now every day for the rest of their lives, they have to counter act all of the side effects from treatment. And then on top of that, they still have to worry about secondary cancer. But you want to know what was truly amazing about Sierra and all of these children? They smile every step of the way.

Childhood cancer is real people. You don’t want to have to learn about it the hard way like I did. You don’t want wait & be holding your child in your arms as they draw their last breath to wake up and fight back.

It’s totally unacceptable.

My child was not one of the lucky ones. And unfortunately, many of them aren’t.

But are you ready to open your eyes? Are you ready to join me and say, “SCREW YOU CANCER?”

You can see Sierra’s story Here and you can also visit her website Sierrayn.org to donate for a Cure for Cancer.

You can also Donate to the following Organizations:

Children’s Cancer

St. Jude – Cancer

Children’s Cancer Association

These are just a few, help find a cure for these children. This story touched my heart, and although I normally try to donate once a year, it made me donate right then and there to St. Judes on the spot. A little goes a long way.

My prayers go out to Sierra’s family and friends and to all those families who have to suffer every day through cancer. God bless

xo,
kristin nicole

Please send this message out to others. It is so important for our world to be educated and help such a deathly disease. You don’t have to donate only to help, you can help in many other ways. Spreading the word is a start….

The Question:

I am a 42 year old man and for the past 5 months I have been secretly dating and sleeping with the 20 year old daughter of a good friend and colleague. This started up when she stayed with me for a couple of weeks last December when she was between flats while at university. We had been drinking too much wine one thing led to another and we made love. We kept promising to end it but neither of us are able to, I am falling in love with her but her father will literally kill me if he finds out.
It’s such a mess, should I confess to her father or keep seeing his daughter in secret?

My Response:

Dear Truth be Told;

You guys have a huge age difference, that is not to say that you do not have things in common or that you aren’t compatible, but you have to really think about what you want in this relationship and if she is on the same page as you are. She’s not even 21, she has barely lived her life and partied, and these are things she may want to do. Sleeping with a good friend and colleagues daughter that is so much younger then you is probably going to come back to bite you in the ass, however if you are both on the right page then hiding this from her father is only going to make things worse. If the relationships is serious then you both need to come clean. At the end of the day she is an adult and she needs to own up to this relationship whether or not her dad likes it. If it is only a sex thing then I would truly think about whether or not it is worth ruining your friendship and possible working situation. The truth eventually always comes out, and I think it is better to come clean then for him to find out another way. Good luck.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question:

Fiance Cheated on me and now we are through. What do I do now?
We had been together 6 years and then she cheats on me with my friend and is with him now. I feel lost, don’t quite know what to do. I loved her very much and just in shock still of what has happened, was the last possible thing i ever thought could have happened. How do i make it through the days without her, what do i do now? How do I attempt to find someone after so long with her i don’t even know where to begin. Any advice is deeply appreciated.

My Response:

Dear Recovering;

It’s hard, not only did your girlfriend who you thought you were getting married to cheat on you but she cheated on you with your best friend. The first thing you need to realize is your best friend, really was never a friend if he was able to cheat with his best friend’s fiance. Second your girlfriend is not worth being sad over if she just couldn’t tell you how she felt and ended things before going onto your best friend. You got hit here with a double wammy, not only did you lose your girlfriend but you lost your best friend the same day. You deserve better, you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and realize that it was better to have lost her before you got married, I know it doesn’t make you feel better and the pain of loosing her isn’t just going to go away, but you need to stand up and be strong. Start hanging out with other friends and get back out there. I wouldn’t recommend getting back into a relationship so bad because you are still hurting, but go out there and start dating, have some fun and in time you will see that things happen for a reason. You may not see that reason now, but I promise that one day you will turn around and remember these words and you will truly see that everything happens for a reason.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question:

I am 28 and my husband is 33. We have been married for 8 years. The first 2 years of our marriage the sex was great and constant. He would kiss me, touch me, give me oral and everything during sex. For the past 5 or 6 years now he refuses to give me oral. I got a Brazilian wax done but he said the hair doesn’t bother him. He refuses to touch my vagina or any other body part during sex. He doesn’t kiss me during sex. He makes no attempt to turn me on. He just smokes pot, has a few beers, watches some porn and wants to get straight to it and be done with it. We usually have sex in doggy position too. It really sucks because he doesn’t try to turn me on. He doesn’t even want me to give him head anymore either. I have tried toys and many outfits and other fun things. Sex is boring and quick. And it doesn’t happen often either. One time we only had sex 4 times one year. It was worse when I was pregnant (we have 2 children now) he never had sex with me once we found out I was pregnant. And then the time after when I had to heal of course. So I had 2 years of our marriage without sex completely. He didn’t want me to even give him blowjobs or hand jobs to keep him satisfied when I was pregnant, which I actually want to do. I like it. He can get hard on’s still so I don’t think its anything to do with hormones or ED. I really miss the intimacy and pleasure. I have to twist his arm to have sex with me and sometimes I feel like I am begging. I always try to throw in sex spontaneously whenever the kids are gone and he won’t. I don’t think he is attracted to me. He is with me all the time now so I don’t think he could be cheating now….but there is a possibility it has happened in the past when he worked out of town. I just wonder if he did and the guilt is still eating him up. I don’t think he is gay either. What’s wrong?

My Response:

Dear Waiting Too Long;

To be honest there could be many possibilities, it can be that he cheated and or is cheating, it can be the fact that he smokes pot, although he can still get it up, perhaps it is making him feel like he doesn’t want to have sex. Have you tried really sitting down with your husband and talking to him, asking him why he feels this way, that it is unacceptable? You deserve someone who will give you the attention you are seeking. You need to sit down with him and see what is going on, you have waited way too long to try and fix this. 2 Years without sex at all is a very long time, I don’t know how you did it and how this didn’t cause more tension in your relationship. Other then not having sex, does he act the same with you? Is he affectionate towards your kids? Don’t ever assume that the problem here is you, you obviously have tried lots of things to get him in the mood, so there is definitely something wrong with this picture. You have to communicate with him how you feel because this is only going to make your relationship more tense and that is never good. Sex although not 100% of a relationship is a big part of the relationship and to feel like you aren’t wanted is not a good start. Talk to your husband and try to work things out.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com