Category Archives: Random Thoughts

How do I express myself?

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Express yourself. image by: google.com/images

Expressing yourself can sometimes be hard. If you are angry do you tell the person you are fighting with what you feel right then and there? Or should you wait until you cool off and have a more focused mind set? Sometimes letting it out in the moment allows you to really tell the person how you feel but sometimes it’s better to cool off and talk calmly with each other in order to avoid words you may regret later.

Sometimes there comes a time when you argue with your boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, or friend, and sometimes you get so angry you can’t express your feelings. In my case I try to talk in the moment but if I get too frustrated I close myself off because I can’t fathom having a conversation with that person. When I try to say what I am thinking sometimes I over think my thoughts and I end up stoping my self, leaving myself with no words to say.

Why do we do this? Why is it so hard for women and men to say what they feel? Are we afraid of what the other person might say? SOMETIMES, For me that is the case. I’m afraid to get into a bigger argument when I just want them to understand what I am feeling, but that doesn’t always work.

So I find it easier to express myself sometimes through email, letters or text. I know this shouldn’t be the solution but sometimes it’s the only way to get what I feel out in the open. It’s better to get it out one way than not at all. Right?!?

In my letter I try to really go into details on what I feel but you still want to make sure you aren’t crossing the line somewhere. Sometimes in letters the person reading it may interpret your words differently and you don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings, unless taht is your intentions of course.

I found a website that talks about relationships and communication, and I truly believe that communication is the KEY to a healthy and long relationship. You can’t hold things inside because in the end you will only blow up, and that isn’t good for either one of you. This website tries to help MEN communicate better. For those men who have problems communicating check this website out and click HERE.

Even though the website indicates how to communicate more for men towards women, I think it’s good for women to read it as well. Some of women might be a little more like men then we think. Open up to your other half and tell them how you feel, but don’t attack them with your words, just tell them that you only want them to know how you are feeling and what can “we” do to fix it.

Assumptions are the termites of relationships. ~Henry Winkler.

xo
kristin nicole

30 Goals Before 30

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Update 12/05/12:

I have sadly not done much of the goals on my list. Unfortunately some take time and money and I have neither. I have accomplished a lot reaching my 30s. I have 15 days left in my 20s and I am very sad to see them go. My 20s have been filled with lots of emotions. I grew up a lot, I’ve learned life lessons, I have continued my education and I have found a best friend who I want to spend the rest of my life with. I’m not going to lie, turning 30 is a little scary. I always heard the older you get the faster life passes you by. I am truly starting to see that now. I am seeing that every moment counts, that we shouldn’t take things for granted and we need to express to those we love that we love them. I have encountered freedom, moving away from home thousands of miles away with no family but a true friend who till this day is my family. Yoli – You are my best friend and my sister, without you I would have not been able to survive Cali, and I will continue to love you and cherish you in my life. I miss you every day I don’t get to see you, and although we don’t always talk, you are always in my thoughts. With Yoli I gained a family. I gained three beautiful nephews that I adore. They are young men now and I love them dearly.

After moving back from Cali I experienced a life lesson some should never have to go through. Lost love and financial hardship. I pulled through and survived both. My families support helped me surpass what I thought at the time was one of the hardest things I had to go through. Then I found my best friend. My boyfriend has been there with me and has supported me going through school and finishing my Associates, Bachelors and now my Masters Degree. Although I didn’t get to finish my degree before reaching 30 I will be done by the end of next year, and this is an achievement to be very proud of.

I am now entering what they call “the prime” and although I rather stay in my 20s it’s looking like I don’t have a choice. For my 30th my boyfriend is taking me to San Francisco, California. I am excited to spend my birthday over there and see another one of my best friends. I have lost friends and gained friends, and although I have gone through struggles, I would not change one thing. Every hardship, every tear, every laughter and smile has made me into who I am today.

Let’s hope 30s are even better than my 20s. Let’s see what it has in store for me…..

xo
kristin nicole

Update 07/31/12:

Sadly I have not done the ones that mean the most on this list. I have crossed out the ones that I have accomplished, and I feel I should change a few things on here…. Thoughts in process….


Update: June 2011

I have recently purchased a home with my boyfriend so I can now cross out a few things on my list before 30. The ones in bold were ones I had already done when I made the list and the ones with the line through them are the current goals I’ve achieved. What are your goals?

xo,
kristin nicole

30 Goals Before 30

30 Goals Before 30… Let’s just say I don’t have that much time, yet I’m willing to try and get 30 Goals done before I’m 30! I got the idea of writing out my 30 goals before 30 from a good friend of mine. As I was reading her blog on Clothes, I discovered another post she wrote about called “30 Goals Before 30″. I thought to myself… WOW What a great idea. So of course I asked Vanessa if I can borrow her idea and make my own 30 Goals Before 30 and she was more than thrilled to see what my goals are. If you want to check out Vanessa’s Goals you can visit her website Vanessa-Michelle.com.

So where do I begin…The goals highlighted in Bold are the Goals I’ve already reached and all the rest are goals I hope to achieve before I’m 30.

Goals

1. Go sky diving <– I would still love to do this… so maybe this will be a goal to do in my 30s…
2. Travel to one new State each year (So far so good)
3. Get a pet
4. Go to the Regatta (Lost that one, when we couldn’t make it)
5. Live in Downtown Miami
6. Buy a House with my Boyfriend
7. Get my AA
8. Picture Blog (365 Picture Project) – I better get started — EEK Not going to happen…
9. Sign up for a Professional Cooking Class
10. See a Vineyard (Napa Valley)
11. See SNOW
12. Learn to play the guitar <— This is my goal for sure….
13. Learn to play the keyboard <— we shall see
14. Visit San Francisco
15. Graduate with my Bachelors Degree
16. Make a dessert from scratch
17. Make my own recipe meal
18. Help give good advice to someone who needs it. (I would think I did this one.)
19. Go to Disney World (I’ve been to Islands of Adventure with my boyfriend but not Disney World). Does Hollywood Studios Count??? We should be going to Magic Kingdom before 30 though… heh – Whoot whoot, this was achieved. We just went for our anniversary :)
20. Go to New York and finish seeing all the things I missed the first trip. (I could have done this, but decided on Chicago instead)
21. Visit Seattle
22. Visit my friend in Louisiana
23. Go in a Limo
24. Be a Maid of Honor
25. Have a mango tree in my backyard
26. Grow my own vegetable garden (Eventually but don’t think it will happen before 30 – although my boyfriend and I did have a basil tree grow) <— working on it…
27. Design my own house (Not exactly the house but a lot inside)
28. Finish the transition from Soapnights to KristinNicole.com <– Okay this is not my fault, this is my bff’s fault.
29. Write a Book (in the works) – Not going to happen before 30…..
30. Someone to discover me and have my own column so that I can work from home and travel.<– working on it.

These are my 30 Goals Before 30 – Some of them I have already achieved and some I am currently working on. You never know where life will take you but you can make choices in life that can lead you to where you want to be. Be positive and good things will always come your way.

xo,
kristin nicole

Letting Go

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Letting Go. Image from google.com/images

Letting go is the hardest thing to do
but it doesn’t mean I’ll forget you
when sadness creeps in through the night
you are the one person I dream about to make things right
When everything looks like it’s falling apart
you give me strength to move on

When I heard you were leaving
I couldn’t believe my ears
My heart sank but I held on to fate
I didn’t want to see it
I didn’t want to hear it
but deep down I knew this day would come
that in darkness you would be gone.

In my dreams I see you
and I don’t want to wake
I can smell you and feel you
why was this your fate?

I’ll hold on until I can’t anymore
but know that I will always love you
in my heart you will always be
forever just you and me.

©kristin nicole – 2012

Everything – Fefe Dobson

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Everything – Fefe Dubson – image by: google.com/images


Everything – Fefe Dobson

I have heard this song so many times, yet never really truly listened to the lyrics, which for me is rare since I love lyrics and writing. After listening and reading the lyrics I now love this song even more. Any Fefe Dobson fans out there may think I’m nuts, I know this is an old song, but I still love it. ;)

LYRICS:

Ayo ladadayo
Ayo ladadayo ladeeda
Sometimes I give in to sadness
Sometimes I don’t
Doo doo doo doo
At times I’m part of the madness
Sometimes I won’t
Give in to you
You see in a way
I have been drifting down a river
To nowhere
And you’ve given me nothing
But if you’re ready to be my everything
If you’re ready to see it through this time
And if you’re ready for love then
This I will bring
But I’m not gonna wait for you forever this time
Ladeeda ayo
ladadayo ladeeda
At times I feel myself smiling
At times I’m not
Doo doo doo doo
Yeah yay
What’s with the guilt that you styling baby
Talk don’t look good on you
You see in a way
I have been looking for a reason to go there
And you’re leading me nowhere
And if you’re ready to be my everything
If you’re ready to see it through this time
And if you’re ready for love then
This I will bring
But I’m not gonna wait for you forever this time
Ladeeda ayo
ladadayo ladeeda
Are you waiting for a special occasion
To give me your heart
Cause I need a little confirmation
To make a real start
Don’t wait till it’s too late
Are you ready to show me?
Are you ready to love me?
You see in a way
I have been drifting down a river
To nowhere
And you’re giving me nothing
And if you’re ready to be my everything
If you’re ready to see it through this time
And if you’re ready for love then
This I will bring
But I’m not gonna wait for you forever this time
And if you’re ready to be
Ready to be my everything
And if you’re ready to see it through this time
If you’re ready for love then baby
This I will bring
But I’m not gonna wait forever this time
ladayo ladadayo ladeeda

ENJOY!

xo,
kristin nicole

Some people never change

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Some People Never Change. Image by: Google.com/images

Some people never change
you hide behind a smile that I know is a frown
you hide behind the laughter which I know is drowned
you say things to make people believe
but I know deep inside, you’ll never see.

You will always think your worthless
I’m starting to see it’s true
with everything that’s happened
you think by now you would just be you

Maybe I’m stupid or just naive,
maybe this is you
a person of whom I can’t see
everything about you is sad from the start
a man with no face
a lie to his name
a perfect story
a fictitious blame

Stop before you speak again
see what you’ve become
stop pretending
the lie has already won.

©kristin nicole – 2012

Never Before

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Never Before. Image by: Tony Carrera

Hold me like you’ll never let me go
Love me like I’ve never felt before
Kiss me until the stars shine down
Make love to me and watch my world go round.

I never thought I would love again
but you showed me what it is
It isn’t flowers and hearts
but what I feel within.

You showed me what it was to cry
How to wipe away my tears
you showed me I was better than that
you showed me how to live
you showed me to believe in me
and never give up hope
you showed me your heart

I look at you and I love you
I see what you can be
if only I believed in me
the way you do
I would go a thousand miles just to see your face
cross the mountains just to hear your voice
cross an ocean to feel your arms around me
if only you can see
that what we have together is not just a memory

Hold me like you’ll never let me go
Love me like I’ve never been loved before
Kiss me until the stars shine down
Make love to me and watch my world go round.

©kristin nicole – 2012

Starting my Masters Program

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I'm a Writer - image by: google.com/images

So yesterday was my first day of my Masters Program, the beginning of my unknown future. I was excited, and stressed all at the same time. You have to understand, I overwhelm myself when I see so much information at once, sometimes I even jump the gun and email the professor questions that are right in front of me, but I don’t see them at the moment because I’m freaking out that I don’t understand what I need to do, or I’m missing something. Okay so I’m a bit dramatic, but I have to make sure I understand and get it done the right the first time. It is so important for me to succeed and move forward.

It’s been a long time that I felt I was doing something I truly love. I decided to get my Masters in Journalism so that I can hopefully get my foot in the door somewhere. I want to be able to write and edit. I love to write, and I can’t believe it took me this long to figure it out, but better late than ever.

The program I am taking is a year long, it’s accelerated and fast but in a year I’ll be done with my degree. I feel like I have been in school forever, trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up, I think I have finally figured it out.

xo,

kristin nicole

RIP Luis Ceballos – An Angel was taken

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RIP Luis

In life we don’t know how we will die, or when we will die, but for others we are prepared and given no choice but to be taken from our family. Cancer is something not many people plan for, it isn’t something we can every truly understand, and no matter how hard we fight, sometimes Cancer defeats us, and with that God has taken a man that has touched so many. I only met Luis about two times, and in those two times you can tell he was an incredible man. This man meant so much to so many people. He walked into the life of my friends mom, she finally found the love her life and it saddens me to know she has lost him to the battle of cancer.

A man who touched so many lives was lost yesterday, he has left behind a wife, and children and step children, grandchildren, family and friends. Luis had a journal in which he wrote how he felt, his last entry was on Father’s Day of 2012. You can see his journal entries here: http://lceballos61.livejournal.com/. If you truly want to meet a strong man, I recommend you read his journal. He is an inspiration to us all.

Whenever you feel like your life isn’t going the way you expected, stop and be grateful for what you do have in your life. Luis taught us to stop and smell the flowers no matter how hard life hits you. He taught many never to give up and to live life to the fullest. I only hope that his family can take on his strength and that they will one day feel peace in their hearts. Today we mourn a man who was strong, a man who thought more about his own family than any other man I have ever met, and today I give thanks for knowing him, even if it was only for a short time. I give thanks to god for letting his wife and my friends have them in their lives and to love such a wonderful man. I am sorry they had to lose him to cancer and I will pray that they will get through this hard time.

I love you all and my prayers are with you. Today God took not only an incredible man, but an angel. Rest In Peace Luis, we will all miss you.

xo,

kristin nicole

Random Thoughts 08/09/12

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... image by: google.com/images


I haven’t written anything in a while, I have been trying to come up with things to say, but lately I have felt overwhelmed and tired. Sometimes when you are so frustrated the words just don’t come out. I’m not sure if I’m angry with the situations that have come or if I’m just tired of them. Sometimes it would be easier to just pick up and walk away, but sometimes that isn’t always the answer.

On top of the drama, I have had good things happen within the last few weeks. I finally got my Bachelor’s in Psychology (whoot whoot). And now I am taking a small break before starting my Masters Program. The masters program is an accelerated course, so I will get my Masters in a year. It will be very stressful and a lot of work, but I’m hoping it will be worth it in the end. Living in Miami it’s hard to find your way into writing/editing. Many freelance jobs do not offer that much pay. Unfortunately I have to work full time, and with that comes bills that need to be paid, I can’t just pick up and leave to work for an intern position to get that experience on my board. I have to work with what I got. I was grateful enough to know a beautiful friend of mine who helped me get an internship, working from home, so I was able to get extra experience on my board right there. I feel though, that it just isn’t enough. You would think Miami being one of the biggest cities there would be more opportunity out here, but unfortunately I see it more in New York or California, I’m not one to turn any of those options down, I love both states, however; it’s hard. My family is here in Miami and my boyfriend and I have a beautiful home we have been fixing up, it wouldn’t be easy to let that go (and I would need for my boyfriend to come with me), but these are all options that have not come up at the moment, so options that need no worry for the time being.

I like to think ahead though, and thinking ahead sometimes causes me to stress. I need a vacation. I’m looking forward to my second visit to Chicago this month. I plan on taking lots of pictures and sharing a few on here. I want to start taking more pictures, it’s relaxing and I enjoy it.

Well I know I’ve been rambling, so good night for now.

xo
kristin nicole

Do you like what you see?

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image by: google.com/images

Sometimes in life we keep moving, as if the world outside our focus doesn’t exist. We don’t realize that what we may be doing or feeling in the moment can ruin the future. When we are young, we think everything is okay, we live in a world that says ‘it’s all about me’. You need to stop and wake up, you need to realize that it is not all about you, that there is a world out there you need to see, a world that isn’t so nice as the home you have lived in your entire life. Some know this better than others. The friends you think will always be there, most likely won’t. The guy you think loves you, will be just a memory of the past, and the family you keep pushing away is the only thing that will ever truly take you back.

We all make mistakes, we all have regrets and we all keep moving forward. It isn’t until you wake up from your dream like state that you can truly realize what it is you are doing with your life. Wake up and don’t smell the flowers but smell the disappointment, smell the raw facts of life, the ones that say you have no home, the one that says, you have no education, no job, no future. Do you smell it yet?

If you don’t, eventually you will. We all do, we all wake up from that dream like state, and we all see what has been in front of us the entire time. If you want to throw your life away, then it is your choice, but make it clear that this is what you want to do. Do not drag the rest of us down with you, do not lie to my face and make believe that everything is okay, when everything is all shades of fucked up. Don’t keep lying to me, or yourself, because the only person that ends up with a life they didn’t want is the person on the other side of the mirror. Take a good look, do you like what you see?

xo
kristin nicole