The Question:

Long story, But I lost my good paying job in November 09. I found a minimum wage job. Trying to make my bills with what little I have, my future x husbands mother decides to have me clean her house for her on my days off. I do this for 3 weeks. She gives the money to my future x. The future x and myself still live in the same house (for now). He gave his mother the sob story that I had pissed away all our money that we had accumulated.. and partially true, but he did more so. While I refuse to tell my side of the story to his mother. Although I have proof, I will not stoop to his level. He has ruined my name in the small town in which we live. What recourse can I take? How obligated to him and his mother am I going to be for the rest of my life? Sorry I just needed to vent. Anyone have any in-site on this?

My Response:

Dear taken advantage of;

Everyone has choices in life. In a marriage you choose to do things and work together or in your case get divorced (I am assuming you wrote future x because he isn’t your ex quiet yet). However, you do not have to be a slave to anyone. You were married, if you pieced away both of your funds that wasn’t right, and hopefully you learned a big lesson here. If he is part to blame then he needs to take responsibility, and if you have proof it isn’t stooping to his level if he is bringing your name down in a small town only to look like the victim. Stand up to him and his mother and figure a way out of your debt. Move out, and move on. Maybe perhaps leave this small town and move somewhere else. We all have choices in life, and you do not need to succumb to being someones “slave”. Helping clean her house for extra money is your choice, have you thought about offering your help to other people in the area, this way you aren’t only cleaning your Ex’s mom’s house and having to hear them talk about you? If cleaning houses isn’t your thing, then get up and find another job, you may have to move out of your small town to make a better living, and if this is what you have to do then do it. Again. we all have choices in life. Make a choice to stand up and stick up for yourself. If you did wrong, admit it but don’t let him take you down just because he doesn’t want to take part in your misfortunes. Stop letting them take advantage of you and do something about it.

xo,
kristin nicole

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The Question:

I dated this guy for 8 months who is a family friend. Our parents made us meet each other. He used me to make his ex jealous and also treated me in a way so that I would dump him after his purpose of making his ex jealous gets fulfilled. I was very serious about him and was unaware of his intentions until the very end. I broke up with him 2 months ago, now I know we will bump into each other often as our parents are friends with each other and they didn’t know about whatever happened between me and him.
I so wanna tell him I hate him so much for whatever he did to me. How can I give him this message? To be honest I am still not over him, but I don’t want him to feel that I miss him or anything.
Now that I know I will see him often, how should I react ? Should I ignore him completely or should I behave as if nothing ever happened? Also how can I make him feel that I hate him more than anything in this world?…

My Response:

Dear Used;

It is a hard position to be in and unfortunately this is why parents shouldn’t get involved in the love life of their children. Have your parents asked about your break up? I would be honest with them, talk to your mom or your dad whoever you are closest too, it’s good to let your feelings out and they should know that their friends son is an a** so that they don’t try to make you hang out with him. If it makes you feel better tell him how you feel, but after that move on. If you have to see him I wouldn’t ignore him completely that will only show that you still care and you don’t want that. Don’t try to become best friends with him either, what he did to you was wrong, and the least he can do is apologize to you. So if you do have to see each other just casually say hello and go on your way, keep yourself busy when he’s around, or ask to go to a friends house. I am not sure how old you are, that really changes things if I knew your age, but all in all, I say it doesn’t hurt to get your feelings out by telling him how you feel and letting him know what he did was wrong. Then move on, I know it hurts and you still have feelings for him but you deserve someone a lot better than someone who is only going to use you. You did right by breaking up with him.

xo
kristin nicole

UPDATE:

Yes your age does change, you are 22 not a teenager which makes it easier for you to pick up and go, there is no reason that if your parents are hanging out with their friends that you have to be around, unless it is a dinner you are invited to. If that is the case like I said be polite and say hello as if nothing is bothering you but don’t try to strike up a conversation with him. He’s around your age too I am assuming which makes this 10 times worse, he isn’t a child and he knew what he was doing was wrong. Unfortunately some men don’t know when to grow up and see something good that is right in front of them. You are still young and even though it hurts right now, you deserve a lot better. You deserve someone who will appreciate you and love you for you, not someone who is trying to play childish games. If he’s over your house, make an excuse to go out, start hanging out with your friends again and go out dancing. Start having some fun and forget about him, trust me he isn’t worth your time.

Good luck, if you need more advice don’t hesitate to write me a comment or email me.

xo,
kristin nicole

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In times of stress I try to sit back, take a hot bubble bath and think about what I need to do to get back on track. Or sometimes I try to think of absolutely nothing at all.

Juggling your life…

It isn’t easy. Life gives you ups and downs and sometimes we go sideways, but somehow with all the worries and all the stress we figure it out and we come up on top. For me I struggle with a full time job, school, and home. I work every week from 7-4pm and then in between during lunch and when I get home I have school work, and just recently I moved into my new place. So as you can imagine after a few years of absolute spoilness (okay that might not be a word, but anyhow…) I now have to do everything myself. I have to cook dinner, do laundry and cook. Yes I have a boyfriend and he’s been helping me do dishes and clean up but even with some help it’s a bit tough. Getting into the routine of things is hard. If I didn’t have school it might be a little easier, but I’m pushing myself everyday to keep going.

For some it’s easier….

For me, it’s hard… School as always been a struggle for me and each day, each class gets harder with more work. If you aren’t born into a family that can afford your education you have to juggle a full time job and school. You have to take student loans and books to survive. You have to take care of yourself, your job and your education, and sometimes I just feel like calling it quits! Then when my head stops stressing and I have time to actually think, I stop myself and I think about all the hard work I’ve already put into it, and I keep on going, and I keep on pushing through. No one ever told me life would be so hard, but then again no one ever told me it would be easy either.

xo,
kristin nicole
~Random Thoughts~

The Question:

My son in law said I looked depressed and horny and he thought I needed a pick me up.I am all that but he is my son in law and he wiggled his sex package in front of me last night. How can I get a guy like my son in law to do that for me otherwise?…

My Response:

Dear Depressed;

I think the main concern here is the fact that your daughters son is wiggling his “package” in front of you. Do you not find this a concern for your daughter? First I would worry about the subject at hand, I think you need to be honest with your daughter and tell her that her husband is going around showing you his “package”. That is the first thing that needs to stop. Then get down to why you are feeling depressed. Feeling horny is natural for a persons body to go through, so stop being depressed, get off the couch and get out there. Start hanging out with friends and try to meet a nice guy. You definitely don’t want someone like your son in law. Would you want your boyfriend or husband showing their “package” to someone else? You need to see why you are feeling depressed and do something about it. I know it’s easier said than done. I don’t know how old you are, or why you are feeling depressed so I can’t give you more advice unless I know what you are feeling. My main point, tell your daughter about your son in law, tell him that was inappropriate and find out why you are feeling depressed. Horny??? Get a toy for now to satisfy your needs, until you can meet a good guy to do it for you.

xo,
kristin nicole

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The Question:

Although me and my girlfriend are not married we have a son together whose 2. We seem to always get into this situation sometimes not all the time where if my girlfriend is upset about something the mum is blaming me. An example is my girlfriend started to cry cause my son wouldn’t eat his dinner she starts crying and the mum is saying this happens cause I spoil him. Everything I tell my girlfriend she tells her mum she is Slovakian and does not speak English. She comes over a few times a year. I told her I was not interested in her opinion and what she says cause if feels at times I’m getting teamed up against me. Am I out of order? How much influence should in laws have?

My Response:

Dear Influenced;

Unfortunately in-laws sometimes tend to interfere because they think they are helping more then harming the situation. You need to talk to your girlfriend, because you do not want to make a relationship that is already rocky with the in-laws worse than what they already are. Explain to your girlfriend that you feel uncomfortable and that you do not like when her mother starts blaming you for things going wrong in the house. If your mother in-law only visits a few times out of the year, try not to stress about it too much, at least she isn’t over every weekend. When she is over, try to do stuff around the house (yard work) anything to try and make space so she can be with your girlfriend alone and you don’t have to really be involved with their time together. Make time to sit with them for dinner so she see’s you are still making time to spend with her, even if she is a pain in the you know what. It’s best to get along with the in-laws, because they will be in your life for a long time. Talk to your girlfriend and tell her how you feel. Communication is key…

xo,
kristin nicole

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Tomorrow is never Promised…..

Thursday I woke up and I went to a funeral, a man I barely knew surrounded by the people he loved and who loved him. His daughter gave a beautiful speech about who he was, who he became, how he accomplished all the things he wanted in life, from marrying the person he loved and having 3 beautiful daughters to having the career he wanted to living a life where he mended all the regrets he may have had before he passed.

I sit and wonder sometimes how life is passing us by so quickly. The older we get the faster it seems to go. Some people in life wait to do things in life not realizing that tomorrow is not promised. We wait to have the perfect career and enough money to support a family before having a family. We make mistakes and we don’t mend them with the people we said we loved. We hold anger and regret and we hold it inside until there is nothing left. We can not wait for a part of our lives to be perfect before making the next step into your life come alive, because if you keep waiting you may never get that chance to move forward with the people you love. If tomorrow never came did you tell the people you love that you love them? Did you mend any wrongs you made in life? Did you tell your friends how much you care? Are you where you want to be?

Life is too shorts to worry about the what if’s and I wish but life is something we treasure anyway. We live a life to get where we want to be, but stop for a second and take a few minutes to evaluate your life, think about the things you want in your future and ask yourself, can I HAVE THIS NOW? Why not now? If it’s there and I can grab it, then why not go for it? Tomorrow is never promised, if you keep waiting it may no longer be there for you to grab. Love, Live, Laugh (right) because if tomorrow came and you never told the person you loved that you love them, how would you feel then?

If you are reading this and you are my family, I love you. If you are reading this and you are my friends, I love you. If you are the person I want to spend my life with and you are reading this, I love you. If you are reading this and you know me but we haven’t spoken in a long time, I’m sorry. If you love me tell me, if you love me hug me, if you love me kiss me, if you love me….

xo,
kristin nicole

~Random Thoughts~

The Question:

What can i do for dispute between my mom and my wife?

My Response:

Dear Son & Husband;

If your mom and wife are constantly disputing you need to sit down separately with them and see what is causing the dispute. Your wife is your family now and I’ve come to know that when a wife and mother in law don’t get a long it’s usually because the mother in law is meddling in their business or being mean to them, not wanting to let go of their son. You need to sit down with your mom and explain to her how bickering and fighting with your wife is doing no good, and that she needs to stop and get along with her. I don’t know the full story so I don’t know why they truly don’t get along. Talk to your wife and try to find out what is bothering her and why she keeps fighting with your mom. If your wife is the one who is starting the fights tell her that she needs to either ignore your mom and just be civil when you are together (for your sake) because that is your mom and she will always be your mom. Your mother on the other hand needs to let you live your life and realize that this is your family now, and she needs to stop bickering with your wife. The only thing you can do is sit down with them and tell them how you feel and try to get to the bottom of their bickering. Family should be able to get along. I am so grateful to get along with my mother in law, and its the most wonderful thing.

xo,
kristin nicole

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The Question:

I am 26 and engaged to my fiance who I have been with since I was 19 years old, (engaged for 2yrs). We have a 2 year old daughter and I had our second child, a son, the started off this year with a really bad liver. We both started fighting as our son couldn’t leave the hospital and I would turn on him for the littlest things, he would always tell me how much he loves me & how he needs us, he grew up in a hard upbringing and I grew up with hard working parents. After one of our arguments he left our house in a temper & got arrested for aggravated assault, He is serving 15 years and is up for parole in 2. I felt like my world was coming down on me. My son died 6 weeks ago and I went to see my fiance & I blamed him for his death & for not being here for me and his daughter. He just looked at me and said that he knows I don’t mean that, that I just need someone to blame and that he loves me. His mom said he is distraught he has been put on anti-depressants, he always told her how much he loved me, the thing is, he is his own worst enemy, and he reacts before he thinks. He told me last week that he knows its selfish of him but he wants me to wait for him as he cant stand the thought of me being with somebody else. I don’t know deep down if I can deal with knowing the man I love & want to marry will be in prison for that amount of time. I have a really good job that keeps me busy but my mind always goes back to thinking about it, Any advice would be great

My Response:

Dear Fiance;

It is a hard decision to make. On one hand he wasn’t there for you while your son died and that’s the time you needed him the most. He may only be in Jail for 2 years but the choice that you have to make here is one (can you wait for him for 2 years or more) and two (he’s actually going to prison, is this the type of man you want to spend the rest of your life with) a man who can not control his temper, a man who runs from his problems when things get hard? Granted you said you got upset at him a lot and sometimes that happens with couples who are going through hard times, especially in the situation that you were in, you have to realize that this wasn’t easy for him either and he too lost a son. A lot of girlfriends/fiance/wives wait for their men to get out of jail (depending of course on what they did). If you really love him and this is the one person you truly want to spend your life with, then wait, but if you are blaming him for your son’s death, that is something you truly need to get passed before being with him. Your son was sick and it was not your fiance’s fault, however I understand being angry at him for not being there with you during this time. He definitely should have at least been there with you guys. No one can really tell you what to do here, you have to first forgive him in order to move forward with him and you have to then truly decide if this is the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with. You are still young and you have choices in life, sit back and take a look at everything that has happened, maybe even write down on a paper all the good things about him and all the bad and weigh them out, if at the end you just know you love this man and want to spend the rest of your life with him, then it’s your choice to wait for him, but remember he’s up for parole in 2 years, that doesn’t necessarily mean he will be out in 2 years (can you wait that long)? And most importantly can you forgive him for not being there with you when your son passed away? I am truly sorry for your loss.

Good luck

xo
kristin nicole

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The Question:

I am a divorced 43 years old woman with 3 children. Should I say to my brother not to interfere in my life?

I am a divorced 43 years old woman with 2 sons and 1 daughter. I have a 29 year old brother who is very strict with my kids who live only a few blocks from the house. He is strict with my children regarding studies, discipline, neatness, manners and just recently he scolded my daughter who is 18 years old because she came late from a party at 2 in the morning. My daughter got angry and told me that her uncle doesn’t have any rights to interfere in our lives. I know that my brother loves me and my children, he is the one who was there with me when I was divorced, but do you think it is wrong of him to interfere in my life and my childrens life as they are old now. Should I say to my brother not to interfere in my life? What would you do if you were in my place, would you say to your brother not to interfere in your life?

My Response:

Dear Sister and Mother;

I think that you are a grown women, and I think that your brother only wants what is best for your children, but if you feel that your brother is interfering just a little too much in their lives then you have every right to tell him to back off a little. Sit down with your brother and explain to him that you are grateful to have him has a brother, and that you are grateful for him being there for you through the divorce but that you feel he is acting too tough with your children. You do not mind him giving you his opinion but you need for him to back off just a little and let you handle your children on your own. Tell him he is a great uncle and brother but that the children are feeling like he is trying to almost replace their dad in their lives. Don’t take it the wrong way if he replies to you harshly, he might take this in the wrong way, but if he’s the brother you are portraying him to be (caring and loving) then he’ll get over it. It is your life and your children’s lives and if he is trying to discipline them, that is your job and your job alone. Just sit down with him and tell him how you feel, I’m sure he will understand. Just don’t feel bad telling him, this is your life and your children’s lives, you have every right to tell him to just back off a little. I have a brother, and if I was in your shoes, I would tell him in the kindest ways I know how to just back off a little, and I am sure he would understand.

xo
kristin nicole

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The Question:

My dad has always been a bit heavy with the alcohol and me and my family have noticed he gets angry when he drinks. He gets real abusive by telling me I’m fat or I’m not good enough in some way and yells saying how I’m not good enough. Afterwords he says he only does it because he loves me and wants the best for me. Today he came home drinking again and he practically sits on me on the lounge I did swear at him so he hits me over the head. Then I do retaliate by swearing at him more and he goes for a face slap but instead hits my nose, it was hard and it hurt. What to do?

Additional Details

I’m a 16 yr old girl and he wont go to therapy….

My Response:

Dear abused;

This is a hard position to be in because you are only 16, and you shouldn’t be the one having to take care of this. Where is your mother in all this? If your mom is around, you need to talk to your mom and tell her how this is affecting you. No person, not even a parent has the right to verbally abuse or physically abuse someone. There are options though. First if your mom is around she needs to sit with your dad and tell him with you there, how you all feel about his drinking (you need to tell him this when he is sober). Some places offer interventions to try and have him commit himself into a facility for Alcoholics. If you do not have a mom around then you can try talking to him again and explaining to him how much this is hurting you, and that he needs to get help. Do you have other family members that can help you, somewhere you can go when he’s drinking? A child under the age can always get legally emancipated from their parents. (You can get more information about this here www.larcc.org

If you can go live with another family member until your dad realizes what he is doing to you, perhaps this is your best choice at the moment. Your dad needs help, and right now you may be only getting a little slap and emotional abuse here and there, but things can escalate, and you need to find a way to let your dad know how you feel. Remember just because he does not want to quit does not mean he does not love you, alcoholic abuse is very dangerous and some people do not know how to get sober on their own.

I hope this helps a little.

xo,
kristin nicole

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