SoapNights / Kristin Nicole

The Question:

Dear kristin nicole;

I have read some on the stories and comments you gave to other women, and I’m in the same kind of boat and I don’t know what to believe or do. So here is my story please help.

Me and my husband have been married for 9 months, still newlyweds but have lots of problems. We or I should say I did rush into due to a baby on the way and I loved him and he loved me. So we got married. It was great we were happy. He has a kid from a previous relationship and I do to, but he was great with my daughter, I mean great. That’s her daddy, and especially since her father is out of the picture. We lost the baby I was pregnant with 2 weeks after the wedding. We were both sad. We both want a baby and have been trying since then, but we argue all the time. He says he has no say so in anything the house, my daughter nothing. I just disagree on something and he doesn’t understand. The arguing has got bad over little things. So much that his son doesn’t want to come here anymore. We are both tired of it, he’s even said he wanted a divorce. So to my big problem I found out in November we where pregnant I was so excited because we had been trying and praying, but he didn’t seem too happy. We started arguing about baby names he started saying he had no say in this either, that I’m always downing him and acting different with his son, which is not true. I speak my opinion and I disagree. I do agree I am different with his son and my daughter and I’m sorry for that. For the last past two weeks its been hell fighting all the time. He was getting laid off from his job and I tried talking to him, it wasn’t good enough. He said I act as if I could care less, but I tried talk to him so two weeks ago after a fight about me not caring he left for work and hasn’t come back. His story is he has a new job and there working out of town, he will be home this day. When they day comes its something else his car broke he cant make it. I’ve accused him of cheating being with someone else and he said he’s not with anyone else that he is just working and that he is tired of me accusing him all the time. When I try to talk to him about what I feel and I love him, he avoids my questions or when I ask when are you coming home he gives me a day and it never happens. He wasn’t even here for Christmas and that made me really mad and I went off on him and told him to just come get his stuff I wanted a divorce because I cant take his lying and him not begin here especially with me three months pregnant with his baby, it hurt bad and I don’t know what to. I love him and I want us to be a family, my daughter loves him and miss I him. I don’t believe he’s working out of town. He said he was working today but he always has his son and he told me he was taking him to work with him. That’s BS because you don’t take a 5 year old to your so called new job especially when you say you are building apts. He came home Thursday wanting sex and got some more clothes said he would be back Saturday and like always he came up with an excuse. I do not know what to do. I need help… why would he just walk away after knocking me up and after me telling him we can work on this, that we have a baby on the way and that I don’t want to go down this road. He accuses me of sleeping with people but I love him to much to do that. Bills are behind because of his actions and I just need some advice. Please I don’t want to lose him.

~Desperate

My Response:

Dear Desperate;

Sometimes men get scared, and having a child together is a big deal. He may be feeling confused since you have been arguing lately. Try sitting down with him and talking to him. Explain to him how you feel, that you love him and you don’t want to be arguing all the time. You want to make sure he is happy in your marriage. You can try telling him how you feel but if he’s not willing to try, there is nothing you can do. The fact that you are suspicious of him cheating on you and that he doesn’t show up sometimes is not a good sign. You need to try and think of you and your baby at this point, is this type of relationship you want to show your child? Is the type of man you truly want for yourself? I know it’s not easy and you are definitely in a hard position but you have to think about your unborn child now. The most important thing to do is to take care of yourself. If you have family you can stay with, try getting your bills paid and try making a life for you and your child. It sounds to me like you can do better then this guy…. If he was a real man he would stand up and try to make things work with you. If he truly loves you he will at least TRY to make it work.

I hope I could help. I hope your New Year gets better in time.

xo,
kristin nicole

Andrea Torres

Who is Andrea Torres:

Andrea Torres writes for the Miami Herald. I was talking with my best friend when she told me about Andrea, she is an old friend of her husbands and Andrea just found out that she has breast cancer. I tried to process this thought, and although I don’t know Andrea personally her story touched me. Cancer makes you think, it makes you wonder things you didn’t wonder about before. As I read stories on line and get to know people online, I see Cancer everywhere. It’s sad and it’s confusing to most. We wonder why such a horrible disease can reach such good people. I read Andrea’s story and I wanted to know more, I told my friend that I felt her story was incomplete, I felt like I wanted to get to know her better so I thought I would share her story with you.

At age 33, I’m dealing with breast cancer:

By Andrea Torres
atorres@miamiherald.com

The nightmare began when I found a lump in my left breast. I first felt it when I turned in bed. I woke up the next morning and rode four miles on my bicycle. I was in good health, and was convinced it would go away after my period.

It didn’t.

“It’s a thick fibrous mass with a cottage cheese texture. It seems to be expanding,” I said to an ultrasound technician at the Diagnosis Center for Women in South Miami. I was there for my first mammogram.

The technician moved a roller connected to a sonogram back and forth over my breast. She was staring at black-and-gray deformed spheres on a screen. Her silence was painful.

“I am so sorry. I will be right back,” she said.

I thought about death. My maternal grandparents had just died at the end of last year. My poor mom, I thought: How was I going to tell her?

The technician returned to the room with the center’s director of breast imaging, Dr. Carrie Horst. They both stared at the screen. This time, Horst was holding the roller.

“I am not going to sugarcoat this. I think this is breast cancer,” Horst said. “We need to schedule a biopsy.”

The ultrasound technician tried to comfort me when Horst left the room. “These are the days when I hate my job,” she said, while she hugged me goodbye. I didn’t tell my mom I knew it was cancer. I told her it was a possibility. She still cried.

Horst called me a few days later after the biopsy confirmed her suspicion. I learned that at 33, I was not too young for breast cancer.

Horst sent me to Mercy Hospital to meet Dr. Tihesha Wilson, a surgical oncologist. She explained that the pathology report revealed I had infiltrating ductal carcinoma. There were two tumors and “several smaller masses present in a satellite configuration” — about 3.5 inches in total.

“It’s going to be a tough year,” Wilson said. “You have to stay positive, and know that you are going to survive this. Many women have.”

She explained the course of treatment. It would feel like torture in a remote prison. She handed me a tissue box. I didn’t cry. I was numb. She gave me a hug.

After a PET-CT scan and an MRI, I visited Baptist Hospital’s Dr. Robert DerHagopian for a second opinion. He said a lymph node, which tested positive for metastatic carcinoma, would place my case at a stage 3a. The highest stage (4) compromises other organs.

“You’re going to be OK,’’ he said, as he hugged me goodbye.

I knew what cancer patients looked like. My long black hair was going to fall out, so I decided to get it cut. It was nearly down to my waist. It was the prettiest it had ever been — thick, beautiful and shiny. The thought that it would make a good wig for a little girl or a teen after I donated it to Locks of Love gave me strength, even though I knew that the organization sells some of the donated hair to cover costs.

A friend cut off my ponytail, before Carolyn Duffy, of Nue Studios in Wynwood, sculpted a cut that made me feel like I had been made for short hair.

“I can’t hide behind my hair anymore,” I said, as I left the hair salon looking like Tinkerbell.

“There is no reason for you to hide,” said Duffy, who gave me a hug.

It wasn’t until I was seated in the passenger seat of my brother’s car at a South Beach stoplight that reality hit. It had usually been shoes that caught my eye, but now I was staring at an aqua-and-black fedora. The woman wearing it waved and smiled. I didn’t want to be rude, so I waved back thinking she had mistaken me for somebody else.

What followed was painful. I heard her say, as she crossed the dark street, “I thought it was a guy.” Her friends laughed at her.

No one had ever questioned my femininity. Women had stared at me, because they liked my shoes, or my clothes caught their attention. Never because they thought I was a man. I got out of the car and speed-walked toward the beach.

I crossed streets recklessly, tears rolling down my face. On Collins Avenue, I stopped a woman with a shaved head. I explained my situation and asked her about hers.

“I shave it for fun. It’s my look,” said Muriel Amisodar, 40, who hails from Canada. “Without hair, my face is always glowing.”

She exuded confidence.

“You be proud of your beauty when the hair falls,” Amisodar said, before hugging me goodbye.

I promised I would try.

Read more: MiamiHerald.com

My Thoughts:

A person who can write about her disease is a strong person, I have faith that Andrea will get through this. In life we sometimes don’t understand why things happen to us, we can only surpass it and keep living and moving forward.

My prayers are with you Andrea, stay strong and keep writing.

xo,
kristin nicole

You can see Andrea’s story HERE

The Question:

I have a friend who recently went through a divorce and is a single mom now. I met her while she was going through the divorce. I have noticed that she always makes mean comments towards me even though I am always nice to her. For instance, she was going through my closet and says you are a lawyer why do you buy cheap clothes or you aren’t detail oriented at all..are you sure you are a lawyer? The list goes on…she makes these snide comments when I least expect it and it really irritates the hell out of me. I am just friends with her out of pity. I don’t initiate contact with her and I don’t try to be friends with her..she always tries to run after me. She can be a good person but her critical remarks shows that something is mentally wrong with her. What should I do? Should I cut the crazy off?

My response:

Dear taking criticism;

It seems to me that although you say you are friends with her out of pity only, you are the one that initiated the friendship and therefor it also seems she isn’t the one who’s going to end it. Just because she was going through a rough divorce gives her no right to criticize but people who are going through tough times and aren’t happy with their own lives tend to criticize the ones they envy. Unfortunately you didn’t stand up to her the first time she started criticizing you and that was your first mistake. You can do two things, you can either step up to her the next time she tries putting you down, just tell her that you don’t appreciate her criticizing the way you live your life or the way you do things and that you are happy with the way your life is; or you can drop her as a friend. Seems to me that she isn’t such a good friend to begin with and you should never be-friend someone just because you feel sorry for them, you should be friends with someone because that person is a friend back to you. My opinion, drop her, she doesn’t seem like a good friend and she needs a lot of growing up to do. There was probably a reason she got divorced to begin with. Move on and find some real friends to hang out with.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

Please comment…

The Question:

Parents what would you do if your son, and daughter had sex? Just wondering?
I know a friend of mine who had sex with her brother she told me, and I want to know if I were to tell, what parents would do in general in that kind of situation?

My response:

Dear Teen with a big secret;

I am not a parent but I am an older sister to my 16 year old sister. It is a scary thought that your kids may be having sex and to find out that they are I couldn’t imagine. BUT…. Yes…But…..it is going to happen one day. I don’t agree with having sex at such a young age and I do think that you really need to think about it before doing it. Most boys just want to have sex and nothing more, and the minute the girl gives it up the boy is gone. I know this happened to a lot of my friends in high school. If you are a parent that just found out your son or daughter is having sex or had sex, the only thing you can do is try to NOT to overreact. Try to talk to them about all the consequences, like diseases and about teen pregnancy. If you have a boy buy him condemns and explain to him about all the things that can happen along with respecting girls. If you have a girl, I think it is a lot harder, you can either get her on birth-control (Most parents think this is just giving the OKAY to have sex) but it’s better than the alternative…(Pregnancy), and you need to talk to her and explain all the the bad stuff that can come with having sex at such a young age. In the situation that your friend had sex with her own brother, that is just plain WRONG! That is incest and it can be that the brother raped her or molested her. If she had sex with her own brother willingly, that is wrong on all levels and either way they need help. In that situation I am not sure what the parents would do, they need to talk to both of them and find out exactly what happened and why. They will then need to have a lot of counseling. This is not normal and I hope your friend knows this. I hope she can get the help she needs and I hope her parents are strong enough to deal with something like this. Good luck….

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole ,

Hi, I’m 18 and I’m having trouble trusting my boyfriend. Last night I had a dinner rehearsal for my friends wedding so I couldn’t hangout with him, so he went out with a bunch of his friends and he said he would be home by 1:30 and he would call me. He called me and of course I was sleeping so he left a voice-mail around 12:30 saying that hes going out to eat with a couple of his fiends and my best-friend, and then he carried on by saying that my best friend is sleeping over his house because she doesn’t want to go home… by the way (BTW) she is 18 and my bf is 19. She also left me a text sating ” hey I’m sleeping over your bf’s house ”. I am super mad at this situation right now and don’t want to talk to either one of them. I know if I did this to my boyfriend he would brake up with me ……. I don’t think this is okay at all. What should I do?
Sincerely,
~Feeling Betrayed
My Response:

Dear Feeling Betrayed;

You need to talk with your boyfriend. Having your friend or any girl sleep over his house is unacceptable. There is no reason for them to be hanging out together outside of the group of friends. This is only feeding temptation. If this is supposed to be your best friend, I would talk to her too because I am pretty sure she wouldn’t want you sleeping over her boyfriends house (if she has one). Right now you have to trust both of them and hope that they are telling you the truth with why she slept over. I would keep my eyes and ears open and talk to both of them and let them know how you feel.

xo,
kristin nicole

The Question:

I am a 42 year old man and for the past 5 months I have been secretly dating and sleeping with the 20 year old daughter of a good friend and colleague. This started up when she stayed with me for a couple of weeks last December when she was between flats while at university. We had been drinking too much wine one thing led to another and we made love. We kept promising to end it but neither of us are able to, I am falling in love with her but her father will literally kill me if he finds out.
It’s such a mess, should I confess to her father or keep seeing his daughter in secret?

My Response:

Dear Truth be Told;

You guys have a huge age difference, that is not to say that you do not have things in common or that you aren’t compatible, but you have to really think about what you want in this relationship and if she is on the same page as you are. She’s not even 21, she has barely lived her life and partied, and these are things she may want to do. Sleeping with a good friend and colleagues daughter that is so much younger then you is probably going to come back to bite you in the ass, however if you are both on the right page then hiding this from her father is only going to make things worse. If the relationships is serious then you both need to come clean. At the end of the day she is an adult and she needs to own up to this relationship whether or not her dad likes it. If it is only a sex thing then I would truly think about whether or not it is worth ruining your friendship and possible working situation. The truth eventually always comes out, and I think it is better to come clean then for him to find out another way. Good luck.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

Random Thoughts:

Sometimes we have to make hard choices in life and look for a sign from God, or from the Universe to tell us that what we are doing is okay, that what we are about to do is right, sometimes deep inside we have to trust our feelings and we need to realize that maybe if we need to see a sign, maybe if we need to think about it so much, that maybe that just means it isn’t the right thing to do.

As we grow older we start to realize the mistakes we have made growing up, the stupid things we used to do when we thought “it won’t happen to me”, and the life lessons that brought us to where we are today. At my age, I can’t say that I have been through it all, because I haven’t and I know that there is so much worse in the world, but at my age I also know that I have been through much more than most. I can’t sit here and cry over the things that have happened and I can’t pretend that they never did (even though some things I wish I could turn back time on), it is what it is, and it has truly made me into the person I am today.

When you think your world is crumbling down, think about the people out there that have it worse then you, and remember that behind every shut door there is another one waiting to be open.

xo,
kristin nicole

Are you stupid, blind or just naive,
Can’t you see what you are doing
is going to change everything?

This isn’t a game,
There’s people involved
You can’t pretend it didn’t happen
You can’t turn back…

In midst of light
I see you
when I look at you
I thought I knew you
Now I look at you
and I see a stranger
A person who lies
A person who schemes
A person in which today I see
but tomorrow I flee

When the world seemed to crumble down
you shut us out
When you shed tears of sadness
You cried alone
When your heart falls apart
no one will be around
because in every moment of sadness you
pushed the people you loved away.

Today I open my eyes
and I SEE that nothing is ever really meant to be

But with every hope inside
I come to realize
that illusions of the heart
make you blind

It is not that you are stupid
blind or naive,
its that you are a child who just can’t see…

xo,
kristin nicole

~Written By: kristin nicole – April 6, 2011 (Wednesday)~

My Best Friend

We have known each other for way too long
You aren’t just my best friend
You are like a sister at all costs.

We have been through ups and downs
at one point we didn’t talk
life moved on
and then one day out of no where
you came back into my life
it was has if we never stopped talking
as if we had never been apart
that’s how you truly know this friendship will never part.

You mean the world to me
everything you do
I know if I need you
You’ll help me through

If you’re ever in a bind
I hope you know I’ll do the same
No matter what time or day
I’ll always be here
Just call out my name…

I know it sounds corny
but the saying is true
Friends for Ever
Just Me & YOU!

~Written by: kristin nicole – March 16, 2011

xo,
kristin nicole

Dedicated to my best friend Grace – I have known her for over 15 years now and she is like a sister to me in so many ways. I was inspired to write this poem after she wrote me a sweet message on my facebook page. She just got married, and I was so lucky to have been chosen as her Maid of Honor…. It is truly a blessing when you find a true friend for life… Love you….

Get your own Friends

Get your own friends
why do you have to seek out mine?
are you not over it?
give up your pride…

Tell me a story
the one that fell apart
the one that left you
and died out your heart

Get your own friends
leave mine alone
is it not enough that it ended,
that you keep lurking around my door?

Time is of essence
we all have to move on
leave it alone now
leave it be
leave, leave, leave…

Get out of my mind
out my head
leaving was the best thing
if not I’d be dead

Get your own friends
just leave mine alone
find a new hobby
find a new friend
just stop trying to steal mine instead…

~written by: kristin nicole – March 2011

This was inspired by a dream a friend told me about. She stopped being friends with her child hood friend and she started hanging out with her friends and taking them from her, she just wanted to move on from their friendship, but every time she turned around, she was there. Hope you enjoyed the poem.

xo,
kristin nicole