SoapNights.com

The-Question:

My friend and his girlfriend have been together for 11 months and are happy and in love but I think I’m in love with her. I’d never do anything about it and even when they broke up I wouldn’t as she’d be his ex but I can’t stop thinking about her. What would you do?

My response:

Dear ‘friend’;

I don’t think you are in love, I think you are infatuated with the idea of love. You see your friend happy with another girl, a girl that is easy to get a long with because you like her as a friend, pretty, interesting and it’s easy to get all these mixed feelings. If you are a true friend and they are happy then leave it alone, try finding yourself another girl to date (there are plenty other girls out there other then your friends girlfriend), never go for the friends girlfriend, unless you want to risk loosing your friendship. If they break up and time has passed you can always ask your friend if he’d mind you dating her but even if he said yes things may be awkward and the girl might not feel the same way about you. You will still be risking your friendship. Some guys don’t mind if a friend dates an ex girlfriend, or at least that’s what they say to your face, but put yourself in his shoes, would you want him dating one of your ex-girlfriends? I’m not sure why you are even thinking about “if” they broke up if you say they have been together for 11 months and in love. I say just keep moving, don’t stop, and find another girl, NEVER go for your friends girl unless you don’t care about your friendship.

Good luck.

xo,
kristin nicole

Found on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question:

OK I love my ex and we’ve been through a lot. She broke up with her boyfriend to be with me but she got raped a couple days ago and she won’t talk to me anymore and says she wants to be left alone. I’ve tried to show her love and affection, but she just doesn’t want to talk to me. She’s saying all guy’s are bad and can’t be trusted and things. And I preached to her saying I love her and won’t hurt her but it’s like whatever I say it’s not getting through to her. I love this girl with all my life and God knows if something would ever happen to her I couldn’t live without her. I thought she loved me and wanted to get back together but I’m not sure anymore. Girls are difficult lol. I’m not sure if she’s not getting back with me because she plans on getting back with her boyfriend she just left for me. I love her though and I want her to be happy. So please give me your advice please.

My response:

Dear ex boy;

This isn’t about you, she was Raped, she didn’t just fall of a bike to get right back up. This is a traumatic event and she can be going through some major emotions right now. (Depression, guilt, post traumatic stress, so many things are going through her mind right now) the last thing on her mind is getting back with you or having any boyfriend. Men to her right now are evil, and it’s going to be hard for her to pass this and realize that you and the other men in her life that love her aren’t bad people. Don’t try to be her boyfriend, if you really love her give her time, just try to be her friend. Start off slow and just tell her that you are there for her as a friend, that you love her and whatever she needs you are there. Talk to her friends and family, she needs to be talking to someone about her Rape. (A counselor, a psychologist) someone…. be patient she needs time to heal and figure things out, she needs time to come to terms with what really happened to her and she needs to figure out how to move on from this.

I found a few websites that help with rape victims… here they are:

www.justicewomen.com

www.healthyplace.com

http://members.tripod.com

htp://womenshealth.about.com

My prayers are with your ex-girlfriend.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question:

We’ve been dating for over a year now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased, at first it started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it’s been a month and a half since we’ve had sex. I’ve read a few articles about this already, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem but he told me it wasn’t and I know he wouldn’t lie to me. I’ve asked him about it but he says there’s nothing wrong. I just don’t know what to do anymore. He’s only a year older than me and he’s suppose to be in his prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven’t pressured him or anything because I don’t want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to, and I’m just not satisfied anymore and I’m not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. As far as I know there’s nothing he’s stressed about at work or school, could it be a combination of the 2? or something else going on that I don’t know about? And please keep in mind that I am searching for help and advice and I don’t want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and I’m not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore, but it’s frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does, and I don’t really want to talk to any of my friends about it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don’t need everyone talking about it, and the last thing I want him to feel is embarrassed. I haven’t told anyone of my friends but I’m in need of some advice. Any Ideas?

My response:

Dear no sex;

Unfortunately we cannot read the minds of a man, and the only way to get answers is asking him. I know you asked him and he said everything was fine, but it obviously isn’t fine. Don’t feel ashamed to push a little, I know you said you don’t want him to have sex with you just to shut you up, tell him that, tell him you want him to want to have sex with you. You have needs too, and just like women, even if he isn’t in the mood, he needs to give it up sometimes. Sex is a very big thing in relationships, so I know you love him and you aren’t going to leave him, that you rather live without sex, well I’m sorry but this will eventually put a damp on your relationship. You need sex in a relationship it’s one of the many ways you show the attraction towards each other, the love that you two still share, without it, it can definitely cause problems. Open up to him, try coming on to him, put on a lingerie and call him into the bedroom. (Have you tried any of these things?) I know for a women, him not wanting to have sex is like a rejection because we don’t expect men to not want to have sex, but this is normal in some men, the stress from work or school like you stated could be a reason why he’s so pre-occupied with working late in the office and falling asleep in the office. This isn’t healthy for your relationship though, and you need to talk to him about this. I don’t want to say he’s having an affair, but sometimes this is the case in a man not wanting to have sex anymore with his girlfriend or wife. This could be far from the case, I am not sure how your relationship works and if he’s away from home a lot or not, I just have to put that out there as a result to him not wanting to have sex with you. As I stated though, there can be many more reasons other then an affair. If you want your relationship to work you need to communicate, that is the biggest step in trying to figure out what is wrong and getting back a little sex in your life.

So lets review:

1. Talk to him (Don’t be afraid that he’ll just have sex to shut you up). He needs to know how you feel.
2. Dress up, come on to him, don’t sit around waiting for him to come to you.
3. If all else fails… Communicate! (SEX is very important in a relationship). Don’t hold back, you deserve someone who will fulfill your needs.

Good luck…

xo,
kristin nicole

This was an old post I found on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question: Found on Answers.Yahoo.com

I just found out that my boyfriend has been masturbating to porn. I never thought he would, and he always promised me he didn’t.

I am very, very hurt. I feel like I’m not good enough. I’m thinking about leaving him. I just don’t think I can handle knowing this, as pathetic as it may sound.

But I’m thinking about trying to work it out. But I don’t know how? Please, what should I do?

My response:

Dear can’t handle the porn;

Most men like to watch porn and they tell their girlfriends they don’t because they don’t think they will approve or that the girlfriend won’t like it. The truth is, don’t take it personally, I know it’s hard not to, when I first experienced this I was also hurt, you feel like you aren’t good enough, why does he have to see other girls having sex if I’m right here in front of him? It really has nothing to do with you and it isn’t because you did something wrong, it’s just a man thing, they get off by watching porn, they just simply like it. I know it’s a simple answer but men really are just that simple, we just over analyze things way too much. If you really love him, this isn’t a reason to break up with him, unless of course he’s addicted to porn which some people are. If it’s just once in a while, try joining him, watch some porn with your boyfriend, you might surprise yourself and even like it a little. If what’s really bothering you is that he lied about watching porn, sit down with your boyfriend and tell him just that, tell him it bothers you and try to work things out.

Good luck. If you need any more advice you can always email me at soapnights@gmail.com

xo,
kristin nicole

The Question – Found on Answers.Yahoo.com

I don’t understand, boys tell me I’m pretty and nice all the time. I don’t have a boyfriend though whats up with that? What could possibly be wrong with me…..:(

My response:

Dear boy-friendless,

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You will learn that sometimes boys don’t always know how to ask a girl out. I was never the kind of girl to ask a boy out, but now a days, many girls are the ones to ask boys out. You can try asking the boy you like out, and if this route just isn’t for you then try throwing out some hints, or try setting up a few friends to go to the movies or to eat pizza and invite him to go, this will at least break the ice. Don’t act insecure, boys don’t like that, and that may throw them off, but if they are telling you that you are pretty, it’s more then likely they like you, and you might just have to step up and be the one to ask them out. Don’t be shy, be confident, you know you are pretty and fun to hang out with and soon you’ll have more boyfriends then you’ll know what to do with.

xo,
kristin nicole

The Question: Found on Answers.Yahoo.com

We have been friends for a couple of years and a few months ago he told me that he liked me but he has a girlfriend so I was just going to go on with my life like normal. We texted each other everyday after school and talked all the time in class but when he was with his girlfriend he never talked to me. Then after a while there was drama between me and his girlfriend, and he told me that he didn’t care about the drama and he would stick up for me through it all, and he said that if they broke up we would be together. After the drama we texted for a while but now that we don’t have a class together he never texts me any more….I miss my friend what should I do?

My response:

Dear no longer friends,

I think your friend was trying to have their cake and eat it too. He say’s he liked you, but then he had a girlfriend, but then “if” he left his girlfriend he would be with you? I’m not sure I understand? If he really cared about you he wouldn’t have said that, and he would have just broken up with his girlfriend to be with you. If he was willing to stick up for you and not his girlfriend, that doesn’t say much about him, it sounds to me like he’s a jerk. I’m sorry to say this, but when you have a girl/friend or a boy/friend and you enter into a relationship the friend in the opposite sex always gets pushed back a little. When you are in a relationship you don’t tend to talk to the opposite sex anymore because it might bother your boyfriend or girlfriend, it’s just the way things are. Him not texting you as much when he had a girlfriend is completely normal. I know it’s hard to not feel offended but this is what usually happens. I’m sorry but just because you don’t have a class together anymore doesn’t mean he can’t stay friends with you, if he was a true friend he would be texting or calling you to chat, but he isn’t. I say move on, I know you miss him but that will pass, you deserve better friends then that in your life. If you insist on trying, call him and ask him why he hasn’t texted you in a long time. Don’t text, people can ignore texts but if you talk to him in person or over the phone he has to listen to what you have to say. My opinion though, you deserve a better friend that what he’s been to you lately and I think you deserve better then that, you have to know that. Hope this helps.

xo,
kristin nicole

The Question: Found on Answers.Yahoo.com

Well I’m only 13 but I always have this really maternal instinct. I really wish I had a little brother or sister but my parents are too old to have kids and whenever I see a little baby I always want to hold it and play with it. I really want to have a kid but I know I’m so young but it’s a really bad yearning and I obviously wouldn’t but I really, really want to. I have dreams all the time about having babies and stuff and I just don’t know if this is natural or not. So what should I do?

My response:

Dear Teen,

It’s natural to feel and have maternal instincts. You are obviously mature beyond your years. This is normal in a lot of girls. Feeling this way and acting on them are two different things though. You have never been around small children, and although you know you have a soft spot for them, being around them and having one on your own are two different things. Children take a lot of work, a lot of attention and a lot of money. Don’t be in a hurry to grow up, you are only 13, your time will come when you are much older and ready to take on such a huge responsibility. If you like children a lot, have you thought about volunteering in a hospital, a day care, or any other place that has children. They have the big brother/big sister programs, I am not sure how old you have to be to join, but maybe your parents can help you get involved in one of these programs. There are plenty of programs that you can get into that involve being with children (research what is in your area), and this way you can help children that don’t have the privileges other children have. Hope this helps.

xo,
kristin nicole

The Question: Found on Answers.Yahoo.com

My girlfriend is in a bad home. Her parents do nothing but put her down, her father doesn’t work because he is on drugs and her mom makes minimum wage and all of the money is spent on drugs, cigarettes, and alcohol. The other kids are grown and pay the bills only cause their sister is still there, but none of the other kids will take her in. She is 17, I’m her boyfriend and I’m 19. I have a very stable and supportive job with a family who can help. Can she legally leave home and move in with me, and if she can what does she have to do? We live in Texas, please answer asap…

My response:

Dear Troubled boyfriend,

I don’t know much about the laws in Texas, however I do know that in most States the legal age to move out is 18. I read one of the replies stating that if you do get involved the family can try to pin point that you are 19 and if you are sleeping with their daughter they can try to press charges, this is true. You need to be careful, I’m not sure how dangerous or crazy they might react to you taking her from their home. The best advice I can give, is if your parents are willing to help, contact a lawyer, they might have to take her to child services and place her in a foster home, but maybe you can get a lawyer and a judge that will allow your parents to be the legal guardians, at least until she turns 18. When does she turn 18? You said her other brothers or sisters are grown and have moved out, I don’t understand how they can continue to help support her with money, but they aren’t willing to try and take her from that environment. I’m sorry you are caught in the middle of this, this isn’t something easy to go through, and I can’t imagine what your girlfriend is going through. Talk to a counselor (they have many free clinics that she can go to, if money is an issue) just look in your area, I’m not sure what part of Texas you are in, if not I would help you look for counselors in your area. She is going to need to talk to someone and try to resolve the problems that this is going to cause her psychologically, if not already caused by the abuse she has to consume every day. I know she might not want to go to a foster care program, but if no one in her family is willing to try and take custody of her, this might be the better choice, then her staying in that type of environment.

I hope this helps.

** I just found out that at age 17 you can petition for emancipation in the court, depending on Texas laws I’m not sure how this works, but you can find out. Here is a website in regards to this: www.youthrights.net**

Here are a few websites I found on the Laws in Texas regarding child abuse:

www.oag.state.tx.us

www.oag.state.tx.us/victims

Findlaw.com

www.dfps.state.tx.us/child_protection

xo,
kristin nicole

Question:

I have a real problem with my boyfriend texting other girls, some are ex’s. I’m not ashamed to admit i have a problem with this…who wouldn’t?? But it makes me feel second best. How do I go about asking him to stop without sounding like I’m making demands?

My response:

Dear texting ex’s;

Just be honest with your boyfriend, I’m sure he wouldn’t like it if you were texting other guys or ex’s. If he respects you, he’ll stop. You also have to understand that some of the girls might have been friends with him since childhood, if this is the case, why not at least hang out with them, so you know who they are. If it’s just random girls, he has to respect and understand that you are now in a relationship, and things like texting other girls is in the past. Texting ex’s? This I just don’t understand, an ex is an ex for a reason, and it should be left that way, there is no reason to be texting an ex. Let him know how you feel, don’t give him an ultimatum this will come off as being demanding and you don’t want to do that, you just want him to know that it bothers you, and that you would appreciate if he stopped texting other girls all the time, especially his ex’s. If he refuses then I’m sorry, but you need to re-evaluate your relationship. I gave someone else the same advice not to long ago. You have to respect yourself and your boyfriend should do the same, by taking your feelings into consideration. How would he feel if it was the other way around?

Good luck.

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com and there was a response that I thought was totally ridiculous here it is:

Someones response:

I think you are overreacting, I still talk to many of my ex’s, i mean were friends. My GF doesn’t really know, but i wouldn’t think she would mind. Sometimes you need to talk or hang out with other people. I’m sure you have guy friends you hang out or talk with sometimes..right?

My response to that:

If your girlfriend wouldn’t mind you talking to other girls and your ex’s then why haven’t you told your girlfriend? Why are you hiding this from her? I’m pretty sure she would have a problem with this, and if she doesn’t she’s one of the few that wouldn’t mind. I agree that sometimes you need to hang out with other people, but if these “people” are other girls or ex’s then NO, That isn’t something you need to be doing when you have a girlfriend. Maybe you need to be single and not have a girlfriend if this is your way of thinking things are “okay”.

Back to texting ex’s,

I hope this information helps.

If anyone has questions please email me at soapnights@gmail.com

xo,
kristin nicole

I find questions about relationships everywhere, Answers.Yahoo.com, Help.com and more. I find these questions interesting, some I’ve been through myself, some I’ve given advice to friends about, if you have similar questions or know someone who needs advice please send them my way, and I will give them the up most honest opionion anyone can have.

The Question:

Me and his ex both know each other, and she used to have jealousy towards me and really didn’t like me at first. Now she’s OK with me, so I think. We don’t talk at all, but she still talks to my boyfriend. I told him I don’t have a problem with them talking as long as she respects our relationship. We’ve been together for almost two years, and a couple times in the past he told me that she said dirty, sexual things to him. I asked him why he still talks to her and why would she say stuff like that? And he says, oh I don’t know, she also got mad at him b/c she thought we broke up. So obviously she’s not respecting our relationship..but why would she think that we were broken up? I feel like he keeps telling her that we’re not really together just so he can stay talking to her. He never lets me see his phone, he never wants his ex to see us together, and it’s like he’s scared to stop talking to her. I don’t really think he’s cheating on me, but I think he’s lying to me about a few things, and it’s my fault for letting it happen as much as it has. He’s with me way too often to be cheating on me with her, and I have seen a couple of texts from her, just not all of them. Can I have some advice on what i should do and what your opinion is?

My response:

Dear real advice,

First off let me ask why the ex girlfriend had to like you, and why there was a problem with you? Of course she didn’t like you, you were the new girlfriend in her EX boyfriends life, you are the one that shouldn’t have liked her and had the problem with her; NOT the other way around. Second, why is your boyfriend still friends with his Ex? He doesn’t want his Ex to see you two together? And the Ex thought you were broken up? Where did she get this information from, if not from him, if he isn’t cheating on you and there is nothing to hide, why is he hiding you from his Ex? These are the questions you need to ask yourself. If he respects you and knows how you feel about it then he shouldn’t be friends with her. I don’t care how the relationship ended, it ended for a reason and there is no reason to stay friends with an ex. Staying friends with an Ex only causes problems in the current relationship. If your boyfriend is being honest with you about the text messages that doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s not cheating on you, it doesn’t mean he is either, but why does he continue talking to her if he knows she is sending him these messages? The Ex Girlfriend is not going to respect you and that really isn’t something she needs to you, (she obviously doesn’t care by sending your boyfriend these text messages) you need talk to your boyfriend, have respect for yourself because right now your boyfriend isn’t having respect for you.; continuing to talk to an Ex knowing it bothers you and continuing to receive these text messages is wrong on all levels. Tell him how you feel and tell him that you do not want him talking to his Ex anymore, if he respects you and really loves you and wants your relationship to work, he will stop talking to his Ex girlfriend. If he doesn’t, then you need to re-evaluate your relationship and ask yourself if you really want to be in a relationship where your boyfriend doesn’t take into consideration what you feel?

Hope this helps….

xo,
kristin nicole