SoapNights / Kristin Nicole

The Question:

Dear kristin nicole;

I have read some on the stories and comments you gave to other women, and I’m in the same kind of boat and I don’t know what to believe or do. So here is my story please help.

Me and my husband have been married for 9 months, still newlyweds but have lots of problems. We or I should say I did rush into due to a baby on the way and I loved him and he loved me. So we got married. It was great we were happy. He has a kid from a previous relationship and I do to, but he was great with my daughter, I mean great. That’s her daddy, and especially since her father is out of the picture. We lost the baby I was pregnant with 2 weeks after the wedding. We were both sad. We both want a baby and have been trying since then, but we argue all the time. He says he has no say so in anything the house, my daughter nothing. I just disagree on something and he doesn’t understand. The arguing has got bad over little things. So much that his son doesn’t want to come here anymore. We are both tired of it, he’s even said he wanted a divorce. So to my big problem I found out in November we where pregnant I was so excited because we had been trying and praying, but he didn’t seem too happy. We started arguing about baby names he started saying he had no say in this either, that I’m always downing him and acting different with his son, which is not true. I speak my opinion and I disagree. I do agree I am different with his son and my daughter and I’m sorry for that. For the last past two weeks its been hell fighting all the time. He was getting laid off from his job and I tried talking to him, it wasn’t good enough. He said I act as if I could care less, but I tried talk to him so two weeks ago after a fight about me not caring he left for work and hasn’t come back. His story is he has a new job and there working out of town, he will be home this day. When they day comes its something else his car broke he cant make it. I’ve accused him of cheating being with someone else and he said he’s not with anyone else that he is just working and that he is tired of me accusing him all the time. When I try to talk to him about what I feel and I love him, he avoids my questions or when I ask when are you coming home he gives me a day and it never happens. He wasn’t even here for Christmas and that made me really mad and I went off on him and told him to just come get his stuff I wanted a divorce because I cant take his lying and him not begin here especially with me three months pregnant with his baby, it hurt bad and I don’t know what to. I love him and I want us to be a family, my daughter loves him and miss I him. I don’t believe he’s working out of town. He said he was working today but he always has his son and he told me he was taking him to work with him. That’s BS because you don’t take a 5 year old to your so called new job especially when you say you are building apts. He came home Thursday wanting sex and got some more clothes said he would be back Saturday and like always he came up with an excuse. I do not know what to do. I need help… why would he just walk away after knocking me up and after me telling him we can work on this, that we have a baby on the way and that I don’t want to go down this road. He accuses me of sleeping with people but I love him to much to do that. Bills are behind because of his actions and I just need some advice. Please I don’t want to lose him.

~Desperate

My Response:

Dear Desperate;

Sometimes men get scared, and having a child together is a big deal. He may be feeling confused since you have been arguing lately. Try sitting down with him and talking to him. Explain to him how you feel, that you love him and you don’t want to be arguing all the time. You want to make sure he is happy in your marriage. You can try telling him how you feel but if he’s not willing to try, there is nothing you can do. The fact that you are suspicious of him cheating on you and that he doesn’t show up sometimes is not a good sign. You need to try and think of you and your baby at this point, is this type of relationship you want to show your child? Is the type of man you truly want for yourself? I know it’s not easy and you are definitely in a hard position but you have to think about your unborn child now. The most important thing to do is to take care of yourself. If you have family you can stay with, try getting your bills paid and try making a life for you and your child. It sounds to me like you can do better then this guy…. If he was a real man he would stand up and try to make things work with you. If he truly loves you he will at least TRY to make it work.

I hope I could help. I hope your New Year gets better in time.

xo,
kristin nicole

The Question:

My husband is not romantic, is it unrealistic to ask him to be more romantic?

For example, we rarely do gift exchange but I would like to, and I told my husband it would be nice if he could sometimes buy me presents. I don’t care about material things, but I just think it’s a nice gesture to do for your wife/husband. And whenever we go out together, I am always the one who initiates, but I want him to initiate too. I feel like I’m always the one forcing him, or making him spend time with me.

Is it fair for me to ask such things of him?

~Asking for Too Much

My Response:

Dear Asking for Too Much;

I am assuming your husband didn’t stop being romantic from one day to the next, you probably already knew he was like this before you married him. With that said, it doesn’t mean that it’s too much to ask for. You have to talk to your husband, communicate to him how you feel and that you understand he isn’t romantic but it would be nice for him to make a little more effort when it came to gifts and going out for dinner. I think it’s important to get each other gifts especially during special occasions, it doesn’t have to be expensive just a little something to show you care. It makes a person feel good about their relationship when you get little surprises, like flowers on a Wednesday. Talk to your husband, tell him how you feel and try to surprise him every once in a while too.

Good luck
xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question:

Me, my friend with benefits and my girl friend had a threesome and now I’m so jealous I’m crying my eyes out. Please any advice?
So me and Hank are really good friends and we hook up when we’re bored… so today we went out and I brought my friend Stacey along with us because I wanted her to meet him but then we started hooking up (me and hank) and I’m like oh look Stacey feels left out lets let her join haha, and I’m like OK whatever you know everyone experiments. So we did and Hank and Stacey were having sex and I was so f’en jealous but I played it off and pretended I was tired. Stacey came up to me afterwards and apologized and I was like whatever its cool you know. So now I don’t know what to do. Hank and I are just friends with benefits but everyone knows we kind of like each other but I’m so jealous I cried! Even Hank asked me whats wrong because I was obviously annoyed and just quiet afterwards. Has anyone ever been in a situation like this? What now? Help….

~Friend with Benefits

My Response:

Dear Friends with Benefits;

It is my opinion that if you care about someone, never do a threesome, there is always someone in that equation that gets hurt. What is done is done, if your friend knows you like this guy just make sure you don’t have any more threesomes with her and your guy. If you really like this guy and you think he has feelings for you, then you need to talk to him. If you don’t talk to him then chances are he will just stay comfortable in this “friends with benefits” routine you guys have going on. Friends with benefits is no longer that when someone starts having feelings for the other person. You need to tell him how you feel and go from there. If he doesn’t feel the same way then you have to stop sleeping with him, sleeping with him is only going to make your feelings stronger for him and you are only going to get hurt. Remember communication is key in any relationship, if he’s really your friend then he should be honest with you on how he feels.
Good luck.

xo
kristin nicole

I found my question on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole;

I am in desperate need of help. I have been in a relationship for few years now. We are both 24, and want to get engaged. In our culture we have to have our parents permission to get engaged and for the engagement ceremony the parents sit down and decide a date etc. His parents had no reason to say no to this relationship (I am as educated as he is, I earn as much as he does, we are from the same culture, same religion, same caste, same well educated family background, as good looking as he is, loves him as much he does me). His parents first made some excuses but then allowed us to date, but when it started getting serious they have been stubborn and blackmailing him (by saying they will die if he moves out and gets married to me) beating him up (I AM SERIOUS. they are beating up a 24 year old guy). They lock him up in the room just so that he cant come see me… torturing him by saying things like the will kill themselves if he gets married to me, that he has forgotten their 24 years of raising him, for one girl etc. His parents even called my parents and abused them and asked them for me to loose contact with him. TALKING and asking for reasons doesn’t work, all they have to say is “we feel that if you guys get married it will end up in a divorce”. His parents haven’t even met me yet and they said no because they feel he loves me so much and I will take advantage of it in future.

He loves me a lot and he has been going through all this suffering just to get a YES from his parents. (because he doesn’t want his parents to blame me for snatching away their child in future) now he has finally decided to move out after 3 months of painful suffering just because of me. I don’t know why I feel guilty for his separation from his parents! I feel if I never came to his life he wouldn’t have gone through all this **** and crap! Am I doing the wrong thing by wanting to spend my life with him and by making him move out of his house?

What is the best solution in this situation? I NEED HELP. I have been under severe depression and stress and frustration and I cant take it anymore. I NEED TO KNOW IF THERE IS ANY OTHER SOLUTION???
Waiting for your reply…

~guilty

My Response:

Dear Guilty;

It seems to me that no matter what woman your boyfriend was going to take home, they weren’t going to be good enough for his family. If they haven’t even met you yet, they have no right to judge. I understand that in these types of religions that the parents have a little more control over the situation. (I am not sure what religion you are and the extent of the situation). However, no parent, I don’t care what religion you are, has the right to abuse a child. Locking him up in his room is abuse and that is not to be taken lightly. Your boyfriend is no longer a child but a 24 year old man, and if he chooses to move out of his home, it is his right and his decision. I understand that he moved out to be with you, but you cannot blame yourself for the situation that stands between his parents and himself. His parents obviously have some issues they need to attend to, and your boyfriend needs to stand up and talk to them, explain to them that you both don’t want them to not be in your lives but that they need to understand that he loves you and all the both of you want is for them to give you their blessing and accept you into their family. I know it’s easier said than done, but maybe you need to go together to speak to his parents. Talk to your boyfriend first and explain to him how you feel, I am sure he does not blame you for leaving his house, this was his decision and he is a grown man. Communication is key in any relationship, you can’t hold in what you are feeling, you need to talk to your boyfriend and try to see what you can do together to make this relationship work. Don’t feel guilty, you have done nothing wrong but love your boyfriend….

Good luck

xo,
kristin nicole

If you need more advice don’t hesitate to email me.

The Question:

Is my Uncle cheating on my Auntie?

I was playing hide and seek with my cousin and hiding behind a sofa when my uncle came to sit down not knowing I was there. He got out his phone and started texting someone. I could only see a little bit of the text and I saw words such as GIRLFRIEND and GORGEOUS. When my cousin suddenly walked in the room he quickly hid his phone. HELP. What should I do?

Additional Details
I’m 14 and was made to play hide and seek with my 4 year old cousin by parents….

My Response:

Dear Hide & Seek;

This is a hard position to be in, but you don’t necessarily know he is cheating on your aunt, and you do not want to stir up problems if there really isn’t any. This is between your aunt and uncle and I would just leave it alone. If you feel that you can’t and it is really bothering you then talk to your parents about what you saw, then let them take it from there. You are too young to be worrying about stuff like this… Good luck

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole;

I just need to vent and with that I have a few questions…I just want to know if I’m overreacting? My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 years, he is a great guy and he is actually a normal man, he is not a show off or a dog. He treats me amazing and 90% of the time I tell myself how lucky I am to have such an amazing person with me. Now here’s what happens in between all the nice things…Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t pay attention to me at all. If I say something to him, he sometimes ignores what I say and what pisses me off the most is that if someone else says something right after me he responds to them…so it’s like what I say doesn’t mean anything. He also isn’t a very emotional person, from time to time he kisses me and hugs me, but most of the time, I have to kiss him and even then I feel like I’m begging for it. So going back to the emotions; when I ignore him or kind of mind my own he comes up to me and acts all cute with me, and plays with me and says cute things (this is rare), texts me in the morning asking me how is my day at work or school etc. Now when I go up to him and kiss him and all that, I feel like he pushes me away. He never tells me how he feels, so when I ask all he says is “I’m with you, I thought that was the answer and I don’t need to tell you how I feel, I thought you would know” and even after I have told him it’s nice to hear something nice from time to time he still doesn’t say anything or do anything. Now about sex….. He never comes up to me anymore, hardly ever, but I know he is watching Porn…. It just doesn’t make sense to me since I’m always there, basically asking for sex. Now for the past 3 days I’ve felt so distant from him. I feel like he is being cold, and today I know he has been up for 3 hours since he had somewhere to go and I texted him twice both telling him good news and no response, and for some reason from day one I always felt like he would cheat on me, even though he has never given me any reason to think that. He has been nothing but loyal, so here is why I might be overreacting, over analyzing, I think that maybe my thought of him cheating or leaving me is making me paranoid which maybe is hurting us? Also there’s no reason to break up with me for another women it would just be a waste of time and no need for that, I’m perfect for him. So my question is why does he act so weird and distant sometimes, and when I ask it’s always nothing is wrong?

My Response:

Dear Emotional;

I do not think you are overreacting, sometimes as women we feel insecure when our men don’t tell us how they feel. It’s not to say they are doing something bad like cheating or that they don’t love us, but sometimes we have to stop over analyzing every little thing and just sit back and try to understand where they are coming from. I know you said you have already spoken to your boyfriend about how you feel, try again, try telling him how it makes you feel and that you want him to try a little harder. It might not come easy to him, to show emotions or be affectionate, so just try and give him time. He may never be overly affectionate with you and you have to accept that this is who he is and love him for him. As for the sex part, if he doesn’t initiate it, then you should. Spicing things up in the bedroom never hurt anyone.

If you don’t like that he is watching porn instead of having sex with you, then tell him. But don’t take it too personal, men sometimes just like watching porn and it doesn’t have anything to do with us. It doesn’t mean that he is not attracted to you or that he doesn’t love you. If he tells you he loves you and to not worry so much, then try to do just that. I know that it is easier said than done, and I know that sometimes it’s hard to not feel insecure and have all these crazy ideas in your head, but when you feel like you are driving yourself crazy, just remember that he has done nothing to make you not trust him. Trust is an important aspect in any relationship, and you have to believe in it. Don’t ever stop communicating with him about how you feel, even if he doesn’t change, you will feel better letting him know, and work on it together.

I hope I could help. If you ever need to talk just email me.

xo,
kristin nicole

The Question:

Me and my husband used to have a great sex life before we had children. We have been married 3 years now and together 6. I am 24 and he is 27. We have sex about once a month now…

Now yesterday I was laying naked in bed with a bra on covered in oil and he came to cuddle me after he got in from work. So kids in bed everything quite, I started to kiss him and put the moves on and he said “oh I’ve got to get something to eat” So I was like fine…

Anyway I found him looking at porn (on the history) this morning while I was asleep???? I don’t get this, he had the chance to have sex with me yet he watches porn?

I am not fat and ugly or anything, I get looks off other men all the time, I just don’t get it. I wear makeup and sexy clothes all the time! I’m only 24, I go to zumba and have a great body, no one would know that I have had two kids…What do I do?

My Response:

Dear Once a Month;

Communication is key, you need to talk to your husband and see what is going on with him. How old are your children? Maybe he just feels weird having sex while the children are in the house, this is not to say this is an excuse but you won’t know what he is feeling until you talk to him. If you were in bed all oiled up I can’t see how he wouldn’t jump on you right then and there. Something is definitely up, and you won’t get answers staying quiet. Speak up and tell him how you feel.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question:

Okay I have been with my husband for 4 years, For the first 18 months we were fine! The week after I gave birth to my first child, he was drunk and he beat me really bad. To this day my eye twitches because of it. Well he didn’t do anything like that for a long time, 5 months or so. We got married around our two year anniversary. It is like it all went down hill from there. I was pregnant again and he beat me all throughout my pregnancy. He kicked me in the back and when I told him he could hurt the baby and he said ” well it wasn’t in the stomach”. After I gave birth to my 2nd (2nd c-section) he beat me again because I asked him to change HIS FIRST diaper. He said it wasn’t his “job”. For the last 7 months I have been on new diabetic meds that doesn’t make me feel to good and on various occasions he has wanted sex, and when I say no he pretty much does it to me anyway. I had planned to leave him, he hasn’t done anything for about 7 weeks, but after all that I don’t think I could still stay with him. I just feel like I don’t feel the same anymore. Am, I wrong for feeling this way, I don’t know what to do anymore, I need some advise , someone to talk to anything. I need help with this situation, what should I do?

My Response:

Dear Abused Wife/Mother;

You are not wrong to feel that way, it is absolutely normal to feel like you lost yourself, to feel like you aren’t yourself anymore because your husband has taken away your faith. He has taken away your strength and your heart, and you have not only you to think about but your children. Do you want your children to grow up in an abusive house hold? First things first…You should have never married him after he beat you the first time, but you did and we can’t turn back time now. The second time he beat you, during your pregnancy should have been another sign that he had no regard for your life or for the life of your un-born child. Stop for a moment and stop coming up with excuses like “well it’s been 7 weeks since he’s done anything”. It doesn’t make it right! NO MAN should ever beat their wife or anyone for that matter. You need to be strong and I am not saying it’s going to be easy but do you have family that you can live with for a while? Take your children and go to court. I would not trust this man with my children, if he beats you it is possible he can become abusive to the children if he hasn’t already. You need to divorce this man, you need to press charges and you need to get out now. DO NOT let him suck you back into his life. He will tell you how much he loves you, how much you mean to me, that you are everything to him and that he is so sorry for hitting you and he will never do it again??! If he doesn’t go that route, he may try to threaten you and he may tell you that you cannot leave him. YOU ALWAYS have a choice to leave. If you feel that he may do something more than just beat you, you need to be close to family and you need to report him to the police. I understand that he is the child of your children but do you honestly think that this is a good father figure for your children? Do you want your children to follow the patterns into an abusive relationship in the future or become abusers themselves one day? This is what usually happens when a child grows up in this kind of environment. I would talk to a lawyer and make sure that he can only have visitation rights with a supervised visit. As for him forcing you to have sex, it doesn’t matter if he’s your husband in most states that is considered rape, even by a husband. GET OUT NOW! You need to be strong and confident and you need to be happy. You will never be happy living with fear.

I hope you get the help you need.

xo
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com