SoapNights.com

The Question:

So I am 21 years old and have been with a guy for almost 2 years that makes me incredibly happy…I’ve been studying overseas for the past few months and he had decided about a month before i left that it would be easier to go into the distance as friends and focus on our lives as individuals…after being here, i agree, however it has made me feel very insecure about what’s to come in our relationship because there is no title…i have been traveling like crazy, and the only means of him contacting me is IM or email. I call him from skype, but he can’t call the number back so our communication means are very limited… I still love him to death and know I want to give us a shot when i get home in a few months but can’t tell whether I should read in between the lines with his responses, or if he truly is being sincere…i expressed to him my feelings and that i felt as if we were growing distant and he explained that of course he loves me and of course he cares about me and assured me that the only reason our communication is dwindling is because I have been gone and he assumed that when i got back from my trips that I’d give him a call…and then the next day he sent me a cute little email and signed it with “love”, so it doesn’t seem as if hes ignoring me, but i feel like he almost doesn’t quite get why I’m feeling the confusion I’m feeling b/c he’s in the same comfortable environment that he’s always been in and is constantly being reassured by me that i love him…is it right for me to get upset that there’s not an email waiting for me when i get back from my trips, or that he doesn’t constantly reach out to me? its realy hard because i have to call him and if he misses the call he can’t simply call me back..he can email me or IM me if I’m online, but because in this situation, the phone only works one way, i find myself reaching out to him by calling him more than he is reaching out to me… i have friends that are in the same situation and tell me that their boyfriends are constantly writing them emails, but that’s not the case for me. I’m very confused on if he’s just kind of taking things easy until i get home or if he’s distancing himself from me because I’m supposed to be catching some hint that its over between me and him? and if that’s the case then why would he still tell me he loves me and wants to see what happens with us when i get back? I’m really confused I need a girls and guys opinion please…

My response:

Dear long distance;

First things first, you both decided to not be boyfriend and girlfriend anymore and live your individual lives, so you can’t expect him to be writing or trying to contact you all the time, he’s doing what you both agreed on “living your separate lives”. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you anymore or that he doesn’t love you anymore, he has obviously reached out and told you that he still cares, and that you’ll see if you take off where you left off when you come back home. My only concern with this, how long were you going over seas for? Why the breakup? If you are only going to be gone for a few months, I don’t understand why you two would break up instead of him just waiting for you to return. If you are going to be gone longer then a year, then perhaps he wanted to date other girls, which is something you have to think of and prepare yourself for. He’s a man, and men only think of one thing sometimes. The next time you get to talk to him on the phone reach out to him and ask him what is going to happen between the two of you, because you can’t keep waiting around for his calls, or emails hoping that when you return he’ll be there waiting for you to become boyfriend and girlfriend again if that isn’t going to happen. I know it’s hard and long distance relationships are very hard, but don’t compare your situation with your friends, your friends are receiving emails and IMs from there “still” boyfriends. Yours is only a friend right now (you decided that before you left remember). Take it easy be positive and if he really does love you, he’ll be waiting for you to get back home, if he’s not waiting, as much as it will hurt, it just wasn’t meant to be, and you deserve someone who will wait for you longer then just a few months, someone who will love you enough to try and make things work.
Good luck.

xo,
kristin nicole

Found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

The-Question:

My friend and his girlfriend have been together for 11 months and are happy and in love but I think I’m in love with her. I’d never do anything about it and even when they broke up I wouldn’t as she’d be his ex but I can’t stop thinking about her. What would you do?

My response:

Dear ‘friend’;

I don’t think you are in love, I think you are infatuated with the idea of love. You see your friend happy with another girl, a girl that is easy to get along with because you like her as a friend, pretty, interesting and it’s easy to get all these mixed feelings. If you are a true friend and they are happy then leave it alone, try finding yourself another girl to date (there are plenty other girls out there other then your friends girlfriend), never go for the friends girlfriend, unless you want to risk loosing your friendship. If they break up and time has passed you can always ask your friend if he’d mind you dating her but even if he said yes things may be awkward and the girl might not feel the same way about you. You will still be risking your friendship. Some guys don’t mind if a friend dates an ex girlfriend, or at least that’s what they say to your face, but put yourself in his shoes, would you want him dating one of your ex-girlfriends? I’m not sure why you are even thinking about “if” they broke up if you say they have been together for 11 months and in love. I say just keep moving, don’t stop, and find another girl, NEVER go for your friends girl unless you don’t care about your friendship.

Good luck.

xo,
kristin nicole

Found on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question:

OK I love my ex and we’ve been through a lot. She broke up with her boyfriend to be with me but she got raped a couple days ago and she won’t talk to me anymore and says she wants to be left alone. I’ve tried to show her love and affection, but she just doesn’t want to talk to me. She’s saying all guy’s are bad and can’t be trusted and things. And I preached to her saying I love her and won’t hurt her but it’s like whatever I say it’s not getting through to her. I love this girl with all my life and God knows if something would ever happen to her I couldn’t live without her. I thought she loved me and wanted to get back together but I’m not sure anymore. Girls are difficult lol. I’m not sure if she’s not getting back with me because she plans on getting back with her boyfriend she just left for me. I love her though and I want her to be happy. So please give me your advice please.

My response:

Dear ex boy;

This isn’t about you, she was Raped, she didn’t just fall of a bike to get right back up. This is a traumatic event and she can be going through some major emotions right now. (Depression, guilt, post traumatic stress, so many things are going through her mind right now) the last thing on her mind is getting back with you or having any boyfriend. Men to her right now are evil, and it’s going to be hard for her to pass this and realize that you and the other men in her life that love her aren’t bad people. Don’t try to be her boyfriend, if you really love her give her time, just try to be her friend. Start off slow and just tell her that you are there for her as a friend, that you love her and whatever she needs you are there. Talk to her friends and family, she needs to be talking to someone about her Rape. (A counselor, a psychologist) someone…. be patient she needs time to heal and figure things out, she needs time to come to terms with what really happened to her and she needs to figure out how to move on from this.

I found a few websites that help with rape victims… here they are:

www.justicewomen.com

www.healthyplace.com

http://members.tripod.com

htp://womenshealth.about.com

My prayers are with your ex-girlfriend.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question:

We’ve been dating for over a year now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased, at first it started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it’s been a month and a half since we’ve had sex. I’ve read a few articles about this already, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem but he told me it wasn’t and I know he wouldn’t lie to me. I’ve asked him about it but he says there’s nothing wrong. I just don’t know what to do anymore. He’s only a year older than me and he’s suppose to be in his prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven’t pressured him or anything because I don’t want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to, and I’m just not satisfied anymore and I’m not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. As far as I know there’s nothing he’s stressed about at work or school, could it be a combination of the 2? or something else going on that I don’t know about? And please keep in mind that I am searching for help and advice and I don’t want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and I’m not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore, but it’s frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does, and I don’t really want to talk to any of my friends about it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don’t need everyone talking about it, and the last thing I want him to feel is embarrassed. I haven’t told anyone of my friends but I’m in need of some advice. Any Ideas?

My response:

Dear no sex;

Unfortunately we cannot read the minds of a man, and the only way to get answers is asking him. I know you asked him and he said everything was fine, but it obviously isn’t fine. Don’t feel ashamed to push a little, I know you said you don’t want him to have sex with you just to shut you up, tell him that, tell him you want him to want to have sex with you. You have needs too, and just like women, even if he isn’t in the mood, he needs to give it up sometimes. Sex is a very big thing in relationships, so I know you love him and you aren’t going to leave him, that you rather live without sex, well I’m sorry but this will eventually put a damp on your relationship. You need sex in a relationship it’s one of the many ways you show the attraction towards each other, the love that you two still share, without it, it can definitely cause problems. Open up to him, try coming on to him, put on a lingerie and call him into the bedroom. (Have you tried any of these things?) I know for a women, him not wanting to have sex is like a rejection because we don’t expect men to not want to have sex, but this is normal in some men, the stress from work or school like you stated could be a reason why he’s so pre-occupied with working late in the office and falling asleep in the office. This isn’t healthy for your relationship though, and you need to talk to him about this. I don’t want to say he’s having an affair, but sometimes this is the case in a man not wanting to have sex anymore with his girlfriend or wife. This could be far from the case, I am not sure how your relationship works and if he’s away from home a lot or not, I just have to put that out there as a result to him not wanting to have sex with you. As I stated though, there can be many more reasons other then an affair. If you want your relationship to work you need to communicate, that is the biggest step in trying to figure out what is wrong and getting back a little sex in your life.

So lets review:

1. Talk to him (Don’t be afraid that he’ll just have sex to shut you up). He needs to know how you feel.
2. Dress up, come on to him, don’t sit around waiting for him to come to you.
3. If all else fails… Communicate! (SEX is very important in a relationship). Don’t hold back, you deserve someone who will fulfill your needs.

Good luck…

xo,
kristin nicole

This was an old post I found on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question – Found on Answers.Yahoo.com

I don’t understand, boys tell me I’m pretty and nice all the time. I don’t have a boyfriend though whats up with that? What could possibly be wrong with me…..:(

My response:

Dear boy-friendless,

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You will learn that sometimes boys don’t always know how to ask a girl out. I was never the kind of girl to ask a boy out, but now a days, many girls are the ones to ask boys out. You can try asking the boy you like out, and if this route just isn’t for you then try throwing out some hints, or try setting up a few friends to go to the movies or to eat pizza and invite him to go, this will at least break the ice. Don’t act insecure, boys don’t like that, and that may throw them off, but if they are telling you that you are pretty, it’s more then likely they like you, and you might just have to step up and be the one to ask them out. Don’t be shy, be confident, you know you are pretty and fun to hang out with and soon you’ll have more boyfriends then you’ll know what to do with.

xo,
kristin nicole

The Question: Found on Answers.Yahoo.com

We have been friends for a couple of years and a few months ago he told me that he liked me but he has a girlfriend so I was just going to go on with my life like normal. We texted each other everyday after school and talked all the time in class but when he was with his girlfriend he never talked to me. Then after a while there was drama between me and his girlfriend, and he told me that he didn’t care about the drama and he would stick up for me through it all, and he said that if they broke up we would be together. After the drama we texted for a while but now that we don’t have a class together he never texts me any more….I miss my friend what should I do?

My response:

Dear no longer friends,

I think your friend was trying to have their cake and eat it too. He say’s he liked you, but then he had a girlfriend, but then “if” he left his girlfriend he would be with you? I’m not sure I understand? If he really cared about you he wouldn’t have said that, and he would have just broken up with his girlfriend to be with you. If he was willing to stick up for you and not his girlfriend, that doesn’t say much about him, it sounds to me like he’s a jerk. I’m sorry to say this, but when you have a girl/friend or a boy/friend and you enter into a relationship the friend in the opposite sex always gets pushed back a little. When you are in a relationship you don’t tend to talk to the opposite sex anymore because it might bother your boyfriend or girlfriend, it’s just the way things are. Him not texting you as much when he had a girlfriend is completely normal. I know it’s hard to not feel offended but this is what usually happens. I’m sorry but just because you don’t have a class together anymore doesn’t mean he can’t stay friends with you, if he was a true friend he would be texting or calling you to chat, but he isn’t. I say move on, I know you miss him but that will pass, you deserve better friends then that in your life. If you insist on trying, call him and ask him why he hasn’t texted you in a long time. Don’t text, people can ignore texts but if you talk to him in person or over the phone he has to listen to what you have to say. My opinion though, you deserve a better friend that what he’s been to you lately and I think you deserve better then that, you have to know that. Hope this helps.

xo,
kristin nicole

The Question: Found on Answers.Yahoo.com

Well I’m only 13 but I always have this really maternal instinct. I really wish I had a little brother or sister but my parents are too old to have kids and whenever I see a little baby I always want to hold it and play with it. I really want to have a kid but I know I’m so young but it’s a really bad yearning and I obviously wouldn’t but I really, really want to. I have dreams all the time about having babies and stuff and I just don’t know if this is natural or not. So what should I do?

My response:

Dear Teen,

It’s natural to feel and have maternal instincts. You are obviously mature beyond your years. This is normal in a lot of girls. Feeling this way and acting on them are two different things though. You have never been around small children, and although you know you have a soft spot for them, being around them and having one on your own are two different things. Children take a lot of work, a lot of attention and a lot of money. Don’t be in a hurry to grow up, you are only 13, your time will come when you are much older and ready to take on such a huge responsibility. If you like children a lot, have you thought about volunteering in a hospital, a day care, or any other place that has children. They have the big brother/big sister programs, I am not sure how old you have to be to join, but maybe your parents can help you get involved in one of these programs. There are plenty of programs that you can get into that involve being with children (research what is in your area), and this way you can help children that don’t have the privileges other children have. Hope this helps.

xo,
kristin nicole

The letter

Dear Kristin Nicole,

I discovered this blog because I’ve been exploring ways to become more confident with dating. Not too long ago I got dumped by my girlfriend and I’m a bit nervous about returning to the whole “singles scene”. Unfortunately my “skills” with flirting are out of practice, to say the least! Also, can your readers send in topics they want to personally ask you about? Right now I have a specific question on this subject because I am going through a frustrating situation with a girl I like and I’m just not sure how to move forward. I guess you could say I’m stuck in the “friend zone.” I’d really like to ask for your advice…or maybe someone can recommend a book that I ought to read? I would really like to get some advice on how to stay out of the friend zone with girls I like.

Please help,
Friends Zone

My Response:

Dear Friends Zone,

I know it’s hard to be dumped by your girlfriend but you have to move on from that, don’t let that interfere with your confidence. If you like this new girl and you want to get out of the “friend zone” then tell her how you feel. Ask her out on a date, the worst thing that could happen is that she says no, but at least you are finally back in the “single scene”. Use this has practice, and don’t stress too much on your flirting skills, just let it come to you naturally, if she’s flirting back with you it’s more then likely she likes you too, and she’s just waiting for you to finally ask her out.

If any readers have specific questions and want my advice they are more then welcome to leave a comment or even better for privacy they can email me at soapnights@gmail.com

I don’t know of any books that are good on how to stay out of the ‘friends zone’ but if any readers know of any please feel free to leave any books you think would help on this subject.

Remember confidence is always the key to any situation, when you know and feel you own the situation you will, and after that it will only come naturally to you.

xo,
kristin nicole