SoapNights.com

The Question:

We’ve been dating for over a year now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased, at first it started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it’s been a month and a half since we’ve had sex. I’ve read a few articles about this already, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem but he told me it wasn’t and I know he wouldn’t lie to me. I’ve asked him about it but he says there’s nothing wrong. I just don’t know what to do anymore. He’s only a year older than me and he’s suppose to be in his prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven’t pressured him or anything because I don’t want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to, and I’m just not satisfied anymore and I’m not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. As far as I know there’s nothing he’s stressed about at work or school, could it be a combination of the 2? or something else going on that I don’t know about? And please keep in mind that I am searching for help and advice and I don’t want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and I’m not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore, but it’s frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does, and I don’t really want to talk to any of my friends about it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don’t need everyone talking about it, and the last thing I want him to feel is embarrassed. I haven’t told anyone of my friends but I’m in need of some advice. Any Ideas?

My response:

Dear no sex;

Unfortunately we cannot read the minds of a man, and the only way to get answers is asking him. I know you asked him and he said everything was fine, but it obviously isn’t fine. Don’t feel ashamed to push a little, I know you said you don’t want him to have sex with you just to shut you up, tell him that, tell him you want him to want to have sex with you. You have needs too, and just like women, even if he isn’t in the mood, he needs to give it up sometimes. Sex is a very big thing in relationships, so I know you love him and you aren’t going to leave him, that you rather live without sex, well I’m sorry but this will eventually put a damp on your relationship. You need sex in a relationship it’s one of the many ways you show the attraction towards each other, the love that you two still share, without it, it can definitely cause problems. Open up to him, try coming on to him, put on a lingerie and call him into the bedroom. (Have you tried any of these things?) I know for a women, him not wanting to have sex is like a rejection because we don’t expect men to not want to have sex, but this is normal in some men, the stress from work or school like you stated could be a reason why he’s so pre-occupied with working late in the office and falling asleep in the office. This isn’t healthy for your relationship though, and you need to talk to him about this. I don’t want to say he’s having an affair, but sometimes this is the case in a man not wanting to have sex anymore with his girlfriend or wife. This could be far from the case, I am not sure how your relationship works and if he’s away from home a lot or not, I just have to put that out there as a result to him not wanting to have sex with you. As I stated though, there can be many more reasons other then an affair. If you want your relationship to work you need to communicate, that is the biggest step in trying to figure out what is wrong and getting back a little sex in your life.

So lets review:

1. Talk to him (Don’t be afraid that he’ll just have sex to shut you up). He needs to know how you feel.
2. Dress up, come on to him, don’t sit around waiting for him to come to you.
3. If all else fails… Communicate! (SEX is very important in a relationship). Don’t hold back, you deserve someone who will fulfill your needs.

Good luck…

xo,
kristin nicole

This was an old post I found on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question – Found on Answers.Yahoo.com

I don’t understand, boys tell me I’m pretty and nice all the time. I don’t have a boyfriend though whats up with that? What could possibly be wrong with me…..:(

My response:

Dear boy-friendless,

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You will learn that sometimes boys don’t always know how to ask a girl out. I was never the kind of girl to ask a boy out, but now a days, many girls are the ones to ask boys out. You can try asking the boy you like out, and if this route just isn’t for you then try throwing out some hints, or try setting up a few friends to go to the movies or to eat pizza and invite him to go, this will at least break the ice. Don’t act insecure, boys don’t like that, and that may throw them off, but if they are telling you that you are pretty, it’s more then likely they like you, and you might just have to step up and be the one to ask them out. Don’t be shy, be confident, you know you are pretty and fun to hang out with and soon you’ll have more boyfriends then you’ll know what to do with.

xo,
kristin nicole

The Question: Found on Answers.Yahoo.com

We have been friends for a couple of years and a few months ago he told me that he liked me but he has a girlfriend so I was just going to go on with my life like normal. We texted each other everyday after school and talked all the time in class but when he was with his girlfriend he never talked to me. Then after a while there was drama between me and his girlfriend, and he told me that he didn’t care about the drama and he would stick up for me through it all, and he said that if they broke up we would be together. After the drama we texted for a while but now that we don’t have a class together he never texts me any more….I miss my friend what should I do?

My response:

Dear no longer friends,

I think your friend was trying to have their cake and eat it too. He say’s he liked you, but then he had a girlfriend, but then “if” he left his girlfriend he would be with you? I’m not sure I understand? If he really cared about you he wouldn’t have said that, and he would have just broken up with his girlfriend to be with you. If he was willing to stick up for you and not his girlfriend, that doesn’t say much about him, it sounds to me like he’s a jerk. I’m sorry to say this, but when you have a girl/friend or a boy/friend and you enter into a relationship the friend in the opposite sex always gets pushed back a little. When you are in a relationship you don’t tend to talk to the opposite sex anymore because it might bother your boyfriend or girlfriend, it’s just the way things are. Him not texting you as much when he had a girlfriend is completely normal. I know it’s hard to not feel offended but this is what usually happens. I’m sorry but just because you don’t have a class together anymore doesn’t mean he can’t stay friends with you, if he was a true friend he would be texting or calling you to chat, but he isn’t. I say move on, I know you miss him but that will pass, you deserve better friends then that in your life. If you insist on trying, call him and ask him why he hasn’t texted you in a long time. Don’t text, people can ignore texts but if you talk to him in person or over the phone he has to listen to what you have to say. My opinion though, you deserve a better friend that what he’s been to you lately and I think you deserve better then that, you have to know that. Hope this helps.

xo,
kristin nicole

The Question: Found on Answers.Yahoo.com

Well I’m only 13 but I always have this really maternal instinct. I really wish I had a little brother or sister but my parents are too old to have kids and whenever I see a little baby I always want to hold it and play with it. I really want to have a kid but I know I’m so young but it’s a really bad yearning and I obviously wouldn’t but I really, really want to. I have dreams all the time about having babies and stuff and I just don’t know if this is natural or not. So what should I do?

My response:

Dear Teen,

It’s natural to feel and have maternal instincts. You are obviously mature beyond your years. This is normal in a lot of girls. Feeling this way and acting on them are two different things though. You have never been around small children, and although you know you have a soft spot for them, being around them and having one on your own are two different things. Children take a lot of work, a lot of attention and a lot of money. Don’t be in a hurry to grow up, you are only 13, your time will come when you are much older and ready to take on such a huge responsibility. If you like children a lot, have you thought about volunteering in a hospital, a day care, or any other place that has children. They have the big brother/big sister programs, I am not sure how old you have to be to join, but maybe your parents can help you get involved in one of these programs. There are plenty of programs that you can get into that involve being with children (research what is in your area), and this way you can help children that don’t have the privileges other children have. Hope this helps.

xo,
kristin nicole

I find questions about relationships everywhere, Answers.Yahoo.com, Help.com and more. I find these questions interesting, some I’ve been through myself, some I’ve given advice to friends about, if you have similar questions or know someone who needs advice please send them my way, and I will give them the up most honest opionion anyone can have.

The Question:

Me and his ex both know each other, and she used to have jealousy towards me and really didn’t like me at first. Now she’s OK with me, so I think. We don’t talk at all, but she still talks to my boyfriend. I told him I don’t have a problem with them talking as long as she respects our relationship. We’ve been together for almost two years, and a couple times in the past he told me that she said dirty, sexual things to him. I asked him why he still talks to her and why would she say stuff like that? And he says, oh I don’t know, she also got mad at him b/c she thought we broke up. So obviously she’s not respecting our relationship..but why would she think that we were broken up? I feel like he keeps telling her that we’re not really together just so he can stay talking to her. He never lets me see his phone, he never wants his ex to see us together, and it’s like he’s scared to stop talking to her. I don’t really think he’s cheating on me, but I think he’s lying to me about a few things, and it’s my fault for letting it happen as much as it has. He’s with me way too often to be cheating on me with her, and I have seen a couple of texts from her, just not all of them. Can I have some advice on what i should do and what your opinion is?

My response:

Dear real advice,

First off let me ask why the ex girlfriend had to like you, and why there was a problem with you? Of course she didn’t like you, you were the new girlfriend in her EX boyfriends life, you are the one that shouldn’t have liked her and had the problem with her; NOT the other way around. Second, why is your boyfriend still friends with his Ex? He doesn’t want his Ex to see you two together? And the Ex thought you were broken up? Where did she get this information from, if not from him, if he isn’t cheating on you and there is nothing to hide, why is he hiding you from his Ex? These are the questions you need to ask yourself. If he respects you and knows how you feel about it then he shouldn’t be friends with her. I don’t care how the relationship ended, it ended for a reason and there is no reason to stay friends with an ex. Staying friends with an Ex only causes problems in the current relationship. If your boyfriend is being honest with you about the text messages that doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s not cheating on you, it doesn’t mean he is either, but why does he continue talking to her if he knows she is sending him these messages? The Ex Girlfriend is not going to respect you and that really isn’t something she needs to you, (she obviously doesn’t care by sending your boyfriend these text messages) you need talk to your boyfriend, have respect for yourself because right now your boyfriend isn’t having respect for you.; continuing to talk to an Ex knowing it bothers you and continuing to receive these text messages is wrong on all levels. Tell him how you feel and tell him that you do not want him talking to his Ex anymore, if he respects you and really loves you and wants your relationship to work, he will stop talking to his Ex girlfriend. If he doesn’t, then you need to re-evaluate your relationship and ask yourself if you really want to be in a relationship where your boyfriend doesn’t take into consideration what you feel?

Hope this helps….

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on a site called Help.com and I found it interesting to give my advice.

The story:

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and for the first time I got into a fight with his mom. My boyfriend and I were arguing. I was on my cell and he was on his mom’s cell. We got into a fight and were hanging up on each other. Then I went to call him back on her phone and she answered ******* me out and hung up on me. this happened about 3 weeks ago. his mom and i have not spoken to each other since. I go over to his parents house (he lives there) and she wont even be in the same room as me or say anything to me. When i call on the house phone she never answers she hands the phone to someone else to answer. I can no stand this anymore. I think she is being very childish for being a 40 year old mother. I don’t feel that I did anything wrong because I never said anything to her or ******* her out or hung up the phone on her. I also do not feel that I should apologize, or be the one to start a conversation with her. I am not saying that she needs to apologize but I think she needs to be the one to take me aside and settle this. I am so frustrated with this situation and it is tearing me and my boyfriends apart. I try and talk to him about it but he just gets mad because he does not want to deal with this problem because it is between his mom and me.

My response:

Dear not speaking,

I know that the situation is between you and your boyfriends mother, but being the girlfriend, I don’t think it’s wrong of your boyfriend to interfere and talk to his mom. I think you should talk to your boyfriend and tell him that it hurts that his mom isn’t talking to you, (If he starts to get upset tell him you just want him to hear you out), I see no reason as to why he can’t just tell his mom to stop acting the way she is. Unfortunately , we think differently then men, and he may feel that he’s getting in between the two of you and he doesn’t want to choose sides. What they don’t understand is that there really isn’t a side to choose, you just don’t want his mom to be upset with you, and you just want to go back to the way things were. Your boyfriend should just ask her why she is not talking to you, and try to mend things, he shouldn’t want that awkwardness to interfere in his relationship. If he doesn’t want to get in the middle of it, he kind of already is because he was using his mom’s phone the day you were arguing and he didn’t have the audacity to at least step outside while talking to you, he was obviously having the argument with you in front of his mom. His mom must have heard something she didn’t like and took offense. I don’t agree with this tactic and I do think his mom is being childish for not talking to you, your fight with her son had nothing to do with her. However, if you don’t want to have this awkward silent talk between the two of you every time you call or go over then it seems you are going to have to be the bigger person here and break the ice. Go up to her and just tell her that you aren’t sure why she is upset with you but that you apologize for anything she might have taken offense to. (I know what you are thinking…why should you apologize for something you didn’t do)? Well if you want to just fix things we sometimes have to just be that bigger person, let the other person hear what they want to hear, even if we know we shouldn’t be the one apologizing. If you choose the keep ignoring her route, things may blow over and she may soon come to her senses and just start talking to you again, but do you really want to just keep waiting and feel uncomfortable every time you are at your boyfriends house? Be the bigger person in this situation and just confront her, if you don’t want to apologize just straight out ask her what is bothering her, and explain to her that you don’t like this awkwardness there is between the two of you. That should break the ice, and go from there.

Good luck…

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question goggling away online and trying to come up with something to blog about…I thought it was interesting because I know this has happened to many girls and I know it’s happened to me before too. Take a look…

The Question:

I have a problem with my boyfriend. He tells me that he is going to call me and then he doesn’t. In a text I told him ‘thanks for calling’ in a sarcastic way. I know he understood what I was trying to say he just ignored it and said I love you. He made me so mad and upset. I want to get back at him and show him how it feels when somebody says they’ll do something and don’t end up doing it. How do I get back at him without being as mean?

My response:

Dear sarcastic,

I know it’s hard to understand this because we aren’t men, and we don’t think like them. When we say we will call you back, or that we’ll call you later, it’s more likely we do then we don’t. Unfortunately men don’t see this as a concern, they don’t comprehend that when they tell us they’ll call us back, we expect just that. We don’t expect a telephone marathon, we just expect for you to call us back, even if it’s just for 2 minutes. I have done the being ’sarcastic’ bit before (especially in a text) problem with this is, they usually just ignore us, because they don’t see anything wrong with what they are doing. My advice, don’t try to get back at him, he just won’t understand what you are doing or he just won’t care. Men aren’t like us, and they don’t care about the little things. Trying to get back at him isn’t going to solve the problem of him not calling you back. Be straight forward with him, and to his face, not on the phone or through a text or email, straight to his face tell him that it truly bothers you when he says he’s going to call and he doesn’t. Tell him that you need for him to try if he wants things to work. I know it’s hard sometimes to confront and as a women we think of all the negative stuff the man might say, but just think positive and if he really cares or loves you, he’ll call you back next time.

xo,
kristin nicole

Go back…

Don’t you wish sometimes you can just go back in life to the time when things just didn’t matter, where the only thing that mattered was playing outside, liking a boy or a girl, what was for dinner?!? Those days were the best, we just didn’t know it at the time. But now as adults we look back and we wish we were our nephews, nieces, sons, daughters age when nothing in the world mattered, when you didn’t have a worry in your little world.

All grown up

Now we are all grown up, we have problems left and right. Worries all over, issues, concerns, and well you get my drift. It’s just not the same, and sometimes don’t you just wish you can go back in time. Be that little kid with no worries, just be free?!? Growing up has it’s advantages, we can leave where ever we want to, work where we want, do what we want, eat when we want, well you can pretty much do anything you want, but you have responsibilities, things that need to be payed, things that need to get done. Life isn’t easy, it’s actually very hard, but we have good times, and those are the moments we have to hold on to, those are the moments we need to keep having and make memories from. Live. Love. Laugh. The three essentials for living.

How???

How do we make the best of a crappy situation? How do we turn a frown upside down? Some things are easier said then done. Lately I myself feel a bit lost, struggling with school, and trying to find that right part in life that you just know this is it! This is where I am supposed to be. Do you ever feel that? I can’t say that you do, because I haven’t quiet got there yet, but I’m trying. I’m trying to find that space in me that just knows this is where I belong, this is right, this is me.

Have you ever felt confused, lost, misguided? I think we all have in life. Share your stories with me I would love to hear them.

xo,
kristin nicole

I heard this song recently, and I thought it was a really good song, with really sad lyrics. My interpretation of the song is that it’s telling two stories. The first one is a mom talking to her son and the second one is a mother and father talking to their daughter and the daughter talking back. It’s a good song, you should check it out, I added this video, it only shows the lyrics, the other one I found didn’t have a link to put on the site, and I couldn’t find an official video. If anyone can find one that I can post, PLEASE let me know.

Angles Hands – Lyrics

She said I’ve been up all night and half-scared to death
I can smell the liquor on your breath
I paid for your rehab with my ira
boy your daddy’s be turning in his grave
she said son I’ve done all mama can do
I can save myself but I can’t save you

he said I wished you and Jesus would get off my back
they said his truck was doing 90 when he crashed
I bet it gets so quiet in heaven sometimes
even god cries when an angels hands are tied

they said honey grown-ups do this all the time
and tears welled up in their little girls eyes
they said now it’s not something that you’ve done
it just that mommy and daddy don’t get along

she said do you guys mean that you need a time out
and that daddy’s gonna move to a different house
they said you’ll have two bedrooms you’re a lucky kid
she said what about checkers, where’s he gonna live
I bet it gets so quiet in heaven sometimes
even god cries when an angels hands are tied

she prays, angels watch me through the night
stay by my side till morning light
god bless mama, god bless daddy
keep us together and happy
I bet it gets so quiet in heaven sometimes
even god cries when an angels hands are tied

~Great song, hope you enjoyed it.

If you have a favorite song you want to talk about please let me know, so that I can check it out.

xo,
kristin nicole

Did you ever stop and think of me
Or did you just pretend I never existed?
Closed that door
made a lie about how you never loved me anymore
Left me standing there with my heart on my sleeve
wondering what I did wrong
Wondering how I can fix something that didn’t exist.

I wrote you a letter
you never wrote back
later i found out you held it in your sack.
Why didn’t you say anything to me
why did you hide who you were
don’t you know i would have loved you anyway

Standing there all alone
I cried
Wondering why you couldn’t love me
And with tears in my eyes I pulled out that paper and pen
started to write all the things you didn’t want to feel
But I told you the truth
and the truth always hurts
look in the mirror and see who you are
stop hiding
I’m right here.

No words can express the pain you caused me
I think that’s when I started shutting people out
I started to hide behind a wall
because behind the wall no one can see
all the pain you truly caused me.

I pulled out that paper and pen
started to write all the things you didn’t want to hear
But I told you the truth
and the truth always hurts
look in the mirror and see who you are
stop hiding
I’m right here.

Now it’s too late
you’re already gone
Why couldn’t you see the truth
that no matter who you were
I would always love you.
Why couldn’t you stop hiding?
I was right here…

written by: kristin nicole – February 19, 2010 – Friday

~ This was written about someone that used to be in my life. They passed away without ever being able to talk things out. Life is too short, when you feel something let the person you love know because you never know when they’ll be gone. If I haven’t said it enough, I love you!~

xo,
kristin nicole