SoapNights.com

The-Question:

My friend and his girlfriend have been together for 11 months and are happy and in love but I think I’m in love with her. I’d never do anything about it and even when they broke up I wouldn’t as she’d be his ex but I can’t stop thinking about her. What would you do?

My response:

Dear ‘friend’;

I don’t think you are in love, I think you are infatuated with the idea of love. You see your friend happy with another girl, a girl that is easy to get a long with because you like her as a friend, pretty, interesting and it’s easy to get all these mixed feelings. If you are a true friend and they are happy then leave it alone, try finding yourself another girl to date (there are plenty other girls out there other then your friends girlfriend), never go for the friends girlfriend, unless you want to risk loosing your friendship. If they break up and time has passed you can always ask your friend if he’d mind you dating her but even if he said yes things may be awkward and the girl might not feel the same way about you. You will still be risking your friendship. Some guys don’t mind if a friend dates an ex girlfriend, or at least that’s what they say to your face, but put yourself in his shoes, would you want him dating one of your ex-girlfriends? I’m not sure why you are even thinking about “if” they broke up if you say they have been together for 11 months and in love. I say just keep moving, don’t stop, and find another girl, NEVER go for your friends girl unless you don’t care about your friendship.

Good luck.

xo,
kristin nicole

Found on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question:

OK I love my ex and we’ve been through a lot. She broke up with her boyfriend to be with me but she got raped a couple days ago and she won’t talk to me anymore and says she wants to be left alone. I’ve tried to show her love and affection, but she just doesn’t want to talk to me. She’s saying all guy’s are bad and can’t be trusted and things. And I preached to her saying I love her and won’t hurt her but it’s like whatever I say it’s not getting through to her. I love this girl with all my life and God knows if something would ever happen to her I couldn’t live without her. I thought she loved me and wanted to get back together but I’m not sure anymore. Girls are difficult lol. I’m not sure if she’s not getting back with me because she plans on getting back with her boyfriend she just left for me. I love her though and I want her to be happy. So please give me your advice please.

My response:

Dear ex boy;

This isn’t about you, she was Raped, she didn’t just fall of a bike to get right back up. This is a traumatic event and she can be going through some major emotions right now. (Depression, guilt, post traumatic stress, so many things are going through her mind right now) the last thing on her mind is getting back with you or having any boyfriend. Men to her right now are evil, and it’s going to be hard for her to pass this and realize that you and the other men in her life that love her aren’t bad people. Don’t try to be her boyfriend, if you really love her give her time, just try to be her friend. Start off slow and just tell her that you are there for her as a friend, that you love her and whatever she needs you are there. Talk to her friends and family, she needs to be talking to someone about her Rape. (A counselor, a psychologist) someone…. be patient she needs time to heal and figure things out, she needs time to come to terms with what really happened to her and she needs to figure out how to move on from this.

I found a few websites that help with rape victims… here they are:

www.justicewomen.com

www.healthyplace.com

http://members.tripod.com

htp://womenshealth.about.com

My prayers are with your ex-girlfriend.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question:

We’ve been dating for over a year now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased, at first it started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it’s been a month and a half since we’ve had sex. I’ve read a few articles about this already, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem but he told me it wasn’t and I know he wouldn’t lie to me. I’ve asked him about it but he says there’s nothing wrong. I just don’t know what to do anymore. He’s only a year older than me and he’s suppose to be in his prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven’t pressured him or anything because I don’t want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to, and I’m just not satisfied anymore and I’m not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. As far as I know there’s nothing he’s stressed about at work or school, could it be a combination of the 2? or something else going on that I don’t know about? And please keep in mind that I am searching for help and advice and I don’t want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and I’m not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore, but it’s frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does, and I don’t really want to talk to any of my friends about it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don’t need everyone talking about it, and the last thing I want him to feel is embarrassed. I haven’t told anyone of my friends but I’m in need of some advice. Any Ideas?

My response:

Dear no sex;

Unfortunately we cannot read the minds of a man, and the only way to get answers is asking him. I know you asked him and he said everything was fine, but it obviously isn’t fine. Don’t feel ashamed to push a little, I know you said you don’t want him to have sex with you just to shut you up, tell him that, tell him you want him to want to have sex with you. You have needs too, and just like women, even if he isn’t in the mood, he needs to give it up sometimes. Sex is a very big thing in relationships, so I know you love him and you aren’t going to leave him, that you rather live without sex, well I’m sorry but this will eventually put a damp on your relationship. You need sex in a relationship it’s one of the many ways you show the attraction towards each other, the love that you two still share, without it, it can definitely cause problems. Open up to him, try coming on to him, put on a lingerie and call him into the bedroom. (Have you tried any of these things?) I know for a women, him not wanting to have sex is like a rejection because we don’t expect men to not want to have sex, but this is normal in some men, the stress from work or school like you stated could be a reason why he’s so pre-occupied with working late in the office and falling asleep in the office. This isn’t healthy for your relationship though, and you need to talk to him about this. I don’t want to say he’s having an affair, but sometimes this is the case in a man not wanting to have sex anymore with his girlfriend or wife. This could be far from the case, I am not sure how your relationship works and if he’s away from home a lot or not, I just have to put that out there as a result to him not wanting to have sex with you. As I stated though, there can be many more reasons other then an affair. If you want your relationship to work you need to communicate, that is the biggest step in trying to figure out what is wrong and getting back a little sex in your life.

So lets review:

1. Talk to him (Don’t be afraid that he’ll just have sex to shut you up). He needs to know how you feel.
2. Dress up, come on to him, don’t sit around waiting for him to come to you.
3. If all else fails… Communicate! (SEX is very important in a relationship). Don’t hold back, you deserve someone who will fulfill your needs.

Good luck…

xo,
kristin nicole

This was an old post I found on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question – Found on Answers.Yahoo.com

I don’t understand, boys tell me I’m pretty and nice all the time. I don’t have a boyfriend though whats up with that? What could possibly be wrong with me…..:(

My response:

Dear boy-friendless,

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You will learn that sometimes boys don’t always know how to ask a girl out. I was never the kind of girl to ask a boy out, but now a days, many girls are the ones to ask boys out. You can try asking the boy you like out, and if this route just isn’t for you then try throwing out some hints, or try setting up a few friends to go to the movies or to eat pizza and invite him to go, this will at least break the ice. Don’t act insecure, boys don’t like that, and that may throw them off, but if they are telling you that you are pretty, it’s more then likely they like you, and you might just have to step up and be the one to ask them out. Don’t be shy, be confident, you know you are pretty and fun to hang out with and soon you’ll have more boyfriends then you’ll know what to do with.

xo,
kristin nicole

The Question: Found on Answers.Yahoo.com

We have been friends for a couple of years and a few months ago he told me that he liked me but he has a girlfriend so I was just going to go on with my life like normal. We texted each other everyday after school and talked all the time in class but when he was with his girlfriend he never talked to me. Then after a while there was drama between me and his girlfriend, and he told me that he didn’t care about the drama and he would stick up for me through it all, and he said that if they broke up we would be together. After the drama we texted for a while but now that we don’t have a class together he never texts me any more….I miss my friend what should I do?

My response:

Dear no longer friends,

I think your friend was trying to have their cake and eat it too. He say’s he liked you, but then he had a girlfriend, but then “if” he left his girlfriend he would be with you? I’m not sure I understand? If he really cared about you he wouldn’t have said that, and he would have just broken up with his girlfriend to be with you. If he was willing to stick up for you and not his girlfriend, that doesn’t say much about him, it sounds to me like he’s a jerk. I’m sorry to say this, but when you have a girl/friend or a boy/friend and you enter into a relationship the friend in the opposite sex always gets pushed back a little. When you are in a relationship you don’t tend to talk to the opposite sex anymore because it might bother your boyfriend or girlfriend, it’s just the way things are. Him not texting you as much when he had a girlfriend is completely normal. I know it’s hard to not feel offended but this is what usually happens. I’m sorry but just because you don’t have a class together anymore doesn’t mean he can’t stay friends with you, if he was a true friend he would be texting or calling you to chat, but he isn’t. I say move on, I know you miss him but that will pass, you deserve better friends then that in your life. If you insist on trying, call him and ask him why he hasn’t texted you in a long time. Don’t text, people can ignore texts but if you talk to him in person or over the phone he has to listen to what you have to say. My opinion though, you deserve a better friend that what he’s been to you lately and I think you deserve better then that, you have to know that. Hope this helps.

xo,
kristin nicole

I find questions about relationships everywhere, Answers.Yahoo.com, Help.com and more. I find these questions interesting, some I’ve been through myself, some I’ve given advice to friends about, if you have similar questions or know someone who needs advice please send them my way, and I will give them the up most honest opionion anyone can have.

The Question:

Me and his ex both know each other, and she used to have jealousy towards me and really didn’t like me at first. Now she’s OK with me, so I think. We don’t talk at all, but she still talks to my boyfriend. I told him I don’t have a problem with them talking as long as she respects our relationship. We’ve been together for almost two years, and a couple times in the past he told me that she said dirty, sexual things to him. I asked him why he still talks to her and why would she say stuff like that? And he says, oh I don’t know, she also got mad at him b/c she thought we broke up. So obviously she’s not respecting our relationship..but why would she think that we were broken up? I feel like he keeps telling her that we’re not really together just so he can stay talking to her. He never lets me see his phone, he never wants his ex to see us together, and it’s like he’s scared to stop talking to her. I don’t really think he’s cheating on me, but I think he’s lying to me about a few things, and it’s my fault for letting it happen as much as it has. He’s with me way too often to be cheating on me with her, and I have seen a couple of texts from her, just not all of them. Can I have some advice on what i should do and what your opinion is?

My response:

Dear real advice,

First off let me ask why the ex girlfriend had to like you, and why there was a problem with you? Of course she didn’t like you, you were the new girlfriend in her EX boyfriends life, you are the one that shouldn’t have liked her and had the problem with her; NOT the other way around. Second, why is your boyfriend still friends with his Ex? He doesn’t want his Ex to see you two together? And the Ex thought you were broken up? Where did she get this information from, if not from him, if he isn’t cheating on you and there is nothing to hide, why is he hiding you from his Ex? These are the questions you need to ask yourself. If he respects you and knows how you feel about it then he shouldn’t be friends with her. I don’t care how the relationship ended, it ended for a reason and there is no reason to stay friends with an ex. Staying friends with an Ex only causes problems in the current relationship. If your boyfriend is being honest with you about the text messages that doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s not cheating on you, it doesn’t mean he is either, but why does he continue talking to her if he knows she is sending him these messages? The Ex Girlfriend is not going to respect you and that really isn’t something she needs to you, (she obviously doesn’t care by sending your boyfriend these text messages) you need talk to your boyfriend, have respect for yourself because right now your boyfriend isn’t having respect for you.; continuing to talk to an Ex knowing it bothers you and continuing to receive these text messages is wrong on all levels. Tell him how you feel and tell him that you do not want him talking to his Ex anymore, if he respects you and really loves you and wants your relationship to work, he will stop talking to his Ex girlfriend. If he doesn’t, then you need to re-evaluate your relationship and ask yourself if you really want to be in a relationship where your boyfriend doesn’t take into consideration what you feel?

Hope this helps….

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on a site called Help.com and I found it interesting to give my advice.

The story:

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and for the first time I got into a fight with his mom. My boyfriend and I were arguing. I was on my cell and he was on his mom’s cell. We got into a fight and were hanging up on each other. Then I went to call him back on her phone and she answered ******* me out and hung up on me. this happened about 3 weeks ago. his mom and i have not spoken to each other since. I go over to his parents house (he lives there) and she wont even be in the same room as me or say anything to me. When i call on the house phone she never answers she hands the phone to someone else to answer. I can no stand this anymore. I think she is being very childish for being a 40 year old mother. I don’t feel that I did anything wrong because I never said anything to her or ******* her out or hung up the phone on her. I also do not feel that I should apologize, or be the one to start a conversation with her. I am not saying that she needs to apologize but I think she needs to be the one to take me aside and settle this. I am so frustrated with this situation and it is tearing me and my boyfriends apart. I try and talk to him about it but he just gets mad because he does not want to deal with this problem because it is between his mom and me.

My response:

Dear not speaking,

I know that the situation is between you and your boyfriends mother, but being the girlfriend, I don’t think it’s wrong of your boyfriend to interfere and talk to his mom. I think you should talk to your boyfriend and tell him that it hurts that his mom isn’t talking to you, (If he starts to get upset tell him you just want him to hear you out), I see no reason as to why he can’t just tell his mom to stop acting the way she is. Unfortunately , we think differently then men, and he may feel that he’s getting in between the two of you and he doesn’t want to choose sides. What they don’t understand is that there really isn’t a side to choose, you just don’t want his mom to be upset with you, and you just want to go back to the way things were. Your boyfriend should just ask her why she is not talking to you, and try to mend things, he shouldn’t want that awkwardness to interfere in his relationship. If he doesn’t want to get in the middle of it, he kind of already is because he was using his mom’s phone the day you were arguing and he didn’t have the audacity to at least step outside while talking to you, he was obviously having the argument with you in front of his mom. His mom must have heard something she didn’t like and took offense. I don’t agree with this tactic and I do think his mom is being childish for not talking to you, your fight with her son had nothing to do with her. However, if you don’t want to have this awkward silent talk between the two of you every time you call or go over then it seems you are going to have to be the bigger person here and break the ice. Go up to her and just tell her that you aren’t sure why she is upset with you but that you apologize for anything she might have taken offense to. (I know what you are thinking…why should you apologize for something you didn’t do)? Well if you want to just fix things we sometimes have to just be that bigger person, let the other person hear what they want to hear, even if we know we shouldn’t be the one apologizing. If you choose the keep ignoring her route, things may blow over and she may soon come to her senses and just start talking to you again, but do you really want to just keep waiting and feel uncomfortable every time you are at your boyfriends house? Be the bigger person in this situation and just confront her, if you don’t want to apologize just straight out ask her what is bothering her, and explain to her that you don’t like this awkwardness there is between the two of you. That should break the ice, and go from there.

Good luck…

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question goggling away online and trying to come up with something to blog about…I thought it was interesting because I know this has happened to many girls and I know it’s happened to me before too. Take a look…

The Question:

I have a problem with my boyfriend. He tells me that he is going to call me and then he doesn’t. In a text I told him ‘thanks for calling’ in a sarcastic way. I know he understood what I was trying to say he just ignored it and said I love you. He made me so mad and upset. I want to get back at him and show him how it feels when somebody says they’ll do something and don’t end up doing it. How do I get back at him without being as mean?

My response:

Dear sarcastic,

I know it’s hard to understand this because we aren’t men, and we don’t think like them. When we say we will call you back, or that we’ll call you later, it’s more likely we do then we don’t. Unfortunately men don’t see this as a concern, they don’t comprehend that when they tell us they’ll call us back, we expect just that. We don’t expect a telephone marathon, we just expect for you to call us back, even if it’s just for 2 minutes. I have done the being ’sarcastic’ bit before (especially in a text) problem with this is, they usually just ignore us, because they don’t see anything wrong with what they are doing. My advice, don’t try to get back at him, he just won’t understand what you are doing or he just won’t care. Men aren’t like us, and they don’t care about the little things. Trying to get back at him isn’t going to solve the problem of him not calling you back. Be straight forward with him, and to his face, not on the phone or through a text or email, straight to his face tell him that it truly bothers you when he says he’s going to call and he doesn’t. Tell him that you need for him to try if he wants things to work. I know it’s hard sometimes to confront and as a women we think of all the negative stuff the man might say, but just think positive and if he really cares or loves you, he’ll call you back next time.

xo,
kristin nicole

Valentine’s Day

Another Valentine’s is here, yes a year as passed by and now we are getting close to the day we all celebrate our love for one another. What are your plans for Valentine weekend?

My Plans

This year my boyfriend and I decided to go to Orlando, we did this for our first Valentine’s trip together and we thought it would be fun to do again. The last time we did this it was freezing that weekend and it seems that this weekend will be pretty cold up there again. I’m looking forward to it, it beats being all sweaty, standing in lines at the Parks. Other then going up to Orlando we don’t really have anything planned, just take each day as it comes and plan from there. Sometimes not planning and just going with the flow is the best part.

Romantic Ideas:

Any romantic ideas? This year Valentines is on a Sunday and if you have to work the next day like me you can always celebrate your Valentine on Saturday night instead of Sunday. However, I know most people do have Monday off, and that works out perfectly for those celebrating Valentines on Sunday. You can do a picnic in the park, or a walk on the beach, the weather is going to be perfect this weekend if you live in Miami. If you don’t live in Miami and it’s cold, snuggle up by a fire place, have some drinks, with dessert and light some candles all around the room, I’m sure that will set the mood. Dinner is always the number one thing people do, you can either go out to dinner, or make dinner at the house. Valentines isn’t the only time we have to be romantic but for some reason that’s the day everyone usually goes all out. So if you have any ideas you want to share PLEASE let us know.

Dedicate a song:

My boyfriend brought to my attention a new singer by the name of Kina Grannis, she is very good and was “discovered” cause she wrote a song about Digg (the website) and put it on youtube, she was signed to a label but then dropped for some reason, she now is getting ready to release her new independent album. (I just got this information from a comment that Kina was signed to Interscope Records but decided to part ways with them because they had a different vision for her music then she had in mind.–Thanks for the info). Take a look at her song called “VALENTINE”:

or you can check out her website at KinaGrannis.com . Kina’s song is written for Valentines Day, stating ‘will you be my Valentine’? It’s a great song and I think many of you will enjoy it. You can also download her new single on the link above.

Happy Valentines!

xo,
kristin nicole

The letter

Dear Kristin Nicole,

I discovered this blog because I’ve been exploring ways to become more confident with dating. Not too long ago I got dumped by my girlfriend and I’m a bit nervous about returning to the whole “singles scene”. Unfortunately my “skills” with flirting are out of practice, to say the least! Also, can your readers send in topics they want to personally ask you about? Right now I have a specific question on this subject because I am going through a frustrating situation with a girl I like and I’m just not sure how to move forward. I guess you could say I’m stuck in the “friend zone.” I’d really like to ask for your advice…or maybe someone can recommend a book that I ought to read? I would really like to get some advice on how to stay out of the friend zone with girls I like.

Please help,
Friends Zone

My Response:

Dear Friends Zone,

I know it’s hard to be dumped by your girlfriend but you have to move on from that, don’t let that interfere with your confidence. If you like this new girl and you want to get out of the “friend zone” then tell her how you feel. Ask her out on a date, the worst thing that could happen is that she says no, but at least you are finally back in the “single scene”. Use this has practice, and don’t stress too much on your flirting skills, just let it come to you naturally, if she’s flirting back with you it’s more then likely she likes you too, and she’s just waiting for you to finally ask her out.

If any readers have specific questions and want my advice they are more then welcome to leave a comment or even better for privacy they can email me at soapnights@gmail.com

I don’t know of any books that are good on how to stay out of the ‘friends zone’ but if any readers know of any please feel free to leave any books you think would help on this subject.

Remember confidence is always the key to any situation, when you know and feel you own the situation you will, and after that it will only come naturally to you.

xo,
kristin nicole