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The Question:

My dad has always been a bit heavy with the alcohol and me and my family have noticed he gets angry when he drinks. He gets real abusive by telling me I’m fat or I’m not good enough in some way and yells saying how I’m not good enough. Afterwords he says he only does it because he loves me and wants the best for me. Today he came home drinking again and he practically sits on me on the lounge I did swear at him so he hits me over the head. Then I do retaliate by swearing at him more and he goes for a face slap but instead hits my nose, it was hard and it hurt. What to do?

Additional Details

I’m a 16 yr old girl and he wont go to therapy….

My Response:

Dear abused;

This is a hard position to be in because you are only 16, and you shouldn’t be the one having to take care of this. Where is your mother in all this? If your mom is around, you need to talk to your mom and tell her how this is affecting you. No person, not even a parent has the right to verbally abuse or physically abuse someone. There are options though. First if your mom is around she needs to sit with your dad and tell him with you there, how you all feel about his drinking (you need to tell him this when he is sober). Some places offer interventions to try and have him commit himself into a facility for Alcoholics. If you do not have a mom around then you can try talking to him again and explaining to him how much this is hurting you, and that he needs to get help. Do you have other family members that can help you, somewhere you can go when he’s drinking? A child under the age can always get legally emancipated from their parents. (You can get more information about this here www.larcc.org

If you can go live with another family member until your dad realizes what he is doing to you, perhaps this is your best choice at the moment. Your dad needs help, and right now you may be only getting a little slap and emotional abuse here and there, but things can escalate, and you need to find a way to let your dad know how you feel. Remember just because he does not want to quit does not mean he does not love you, alcoholic abuse is very dangerous and some people do not know how to get sober on their own.

I hope this helps a little.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question:

Cheating or domestic violence? We’re talking ONE affair/one-night stand versus ONE incident of putting their hands on you in a violent way, e.g. slap, kick. Not years of repeated offending with either or both of the two behaviors.

Which isolated incident would have you out the door first? Note that I’m asking about what YOU would do, and not what you think it’s right for someone to do. What does your personal instinct tell you? I was discussing this with a friend the other day, and we’d be grateful for what others think, too.
Thanks

Additional Details
I don’t mean that if they both happened to you one after the other which one would you leave them for first… I mean, if you imagined that they did each one SEPARATELY, then which do you think you would have the worst reaction to and want to run away from them immediately? Consider each independently, without reference to the other. Sorry…should’ve made that clear!

My Response:

Dear Curious;

Personally I would leave my relationship for either one. Each one is just as bad in it’s own way, no gray lines here. If your boyfriend/girlfriend cheated on you, it’s a sign of disrespect for not only you but your relationship and there is no way I would stay in a relationship knowing that person cheated on me with someone else. The trust will forever be lost, and without it, there is no true relationship. Domestic Violence is in a totally different category and this is something that no person should have to go through. I wouldn’t just be out the door, I would be calling the cops on this person in a heart beat. No one has the right to put their hands on someone else no matter how upset they are. Curious myself as to how you and your friend got into this conversation?

Remember respect for oneself is the greatest feeling one needs to have for a healthy relationship.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question:

I’m 15 years old thinking of killing myself because my ex broke up with me, advice? We were really really good friends and I made the move of telling him that I liked him (which I think was a mistake!) he said he wanted to be with me forever and I wanted to be with him forever! I still do. He broke up with me, and I cried like crazy! Then I see him at school and he was being really nice to me and he asked me to get back with him and he apologized and said it would never happen again . Well he did it again that same week, and that just really hurt me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I think of him everyday! I just really need love! I feel so empty!! I JUST WANT TO ****** DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please help….

My Response:

Dear Sadness;

Your first love is the hardest to ever get over. I remember the first time my heart broke, it felt like a glass shattering into a million pieces, I felt like I would never feel happy again, like my world was crashing down on me and there was no where to run. Once you stop for a second and you really think about how your relationship was, if he every truly cared about you to do something like this, you start to realize that maybe things just weren’t meant to be. I am not saying the pain will just go away, but you are only 15. At 15 we feel like our world will fall apart because that boy doesn’t love us anymore, but the truth is, our world stays in intact, our world keeps moving and eventually so do we. You have to be strong, and maybe you should talk to him and ask him why he keeps breaking up with you? Sometimes boys, especially at that age, do not know how to express themselves as well as we would like them to, but ask him anyway, why he is breaking up with you. At least this way you can at least have piece of mind and move on. You deserve better but a true friend, a person who truly loves you wouldn’t hurt you. You are still so very young, and trust me there are so many other boys out there for you. You might get hurt again and you may hurt a boys heart one day, but that is part of life, that is what makes us who we are and that is what makes us stronger to live our lives. Don’t ever feel like you want to die for a man, trust me they aren’t worth it. Love is beautiful and when you find that right love you will know it’s there forever. Stay strong, hang out with your friends and get your mind off him, but know that you are better than that and dieing will only cause more pain to your family and friends that love you so very much. Dieing is only an easy way out of not feeling pain, we all have to feel pain so that we can become better and make the same mistakes of the past. Have confidence in yourself and self respect to not go back out with him. Ever heard that saying “Hurt me once shame on you, hurt me twice shame on Me”. It’s true, you have the power to decide, you have the power to move on and find someone who will respect you and love you for you.

Remember life is hard, but I promise, it doesn’t always feel that way.

xo
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question:

Starting at a young age I have been abused both mentally & physically… I am 18 now with a Boyfriend who keeps telling me to wait until I graduate which isn’t until next year. I feel that if I don’t leave now I am going to end up hurting them or myself. ** I plan to marry this guy… he’s going to propose when I graduate ( he is 20)** What should I do?

My Response:

Dear Abused;

First you need to seek some type of counseling, I know sometimes it is hard to talk to someone, but sometimes it is what you need to feel better. Being abused mentally and physically isn’t something any child should have to render. You are 18, what are you doing still at home with an abusive family? Get out now, and get out fast, you do not have to stand for that kind of abuse any longer. It is going to be hard to be on your own, but if your boyfriend isn’t willing to move in together than you are going to have to make a hard decision and move out on your own. Find a job first before you move out and then find an apartment and move out. If your boyfriend who is 20 years old has a job and is going to marry you like you say when you graduate from high school, then I do not see any reason why he wouldn’t just want to move in with you now, to get you out of that house. Talk to your boyfriend first and if he isn’t willing to move in with you even after you guys have talked about getting married, I would re-evaluate your relationship, because I do not understand why he would allow or want you to stay in an abusive household. Get a job, find a place and move out. You deserve better.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question:

I have a crush on this cute guy in my apartment when ever I see him we just pass each other and he never tries to look at me in the eyes, he just looks down or he just avoids eye contact at all. I once saw his young brother but I did not ask him his name. Do you think he has a crush on me too? How do I make a guy like me?

My Response:

Dear Shyness;

There isn’t anything specific to making a guy like you. Just be you and you’ll find the right guy to you like you as you are. Now in your situation it’s different, it’s not even about making the like you, as much as it is just having him talk to you. It’s either two things; either he’s really shy and doesn’t know how to approach girls or he’s simply just not that into you. You can go about this in a few ways.

Way #1: Approach him the next time you see him in the hall way. Just say hello and start small talk. Maybe even act dumb and ask him a question as to if he knows where the park is near by?

Way #2: Bump into him and apologize, see if this will finally open his eyes to looking at you and start a conversation from there.

Way #3: Talk to his little brother and ask him what’s up with his brother?

Way #4: Be straight forward, tell him you think he’s cute & you were wondering if he would like to hang out sometime?

My preferred way to go is Way #1, if he isn’t willing to talk to you and ask your name I would just say hi to him while passing in the hallway and introduce myself to him. It’s up to you, but if he still shows no interest after that, I say let it go and move on. There are plenty of other guys out there that won’t be so shy.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question:

How can i help my friend her son ran away three days ago and she thinks something bad happened? He is her baby he is 14 and ran away three days ago and the police are involved now but i am unsure how to help her and her husband i want to just really unsure. Been there almost every day supporting her it just doesn’t seem enough i guess. Advice?

My Response:

Dear Good Friend;

Just being there for her during this hard time is the only thing you can do. Letting her know you are there for her is good. This isn’t something that you can just fix. Her son is obviously troubled if he ran away from home. If the police are involved I am assuming they have filed a missing person report (this is the first step into finding him). A lot of people think that just because a teenager runs away from home they can’t file a missing person report and this is their first mistake, he is still a minor and they can file a missing person report in hopes that if someone spots him the police can pick him up. Three days must feel like a decade to your friend and her family, and I couldn’t imagine the thoughts that are going through your friends head. Just keep doing what you have been doing and be there for your friend, other than that, there really isn’t much more you can do. If you want to help other than moral support, you can try posting pictures of him around the neighborhood, gather some people from the neighborhood to help. Even though he ran away from home, doesn’t mean something hasn’t happened, and doesn’t mean you can’t go about it as if he was missing or taken. I hope he comes back home soon and my prayers are with your friends family. Keep praying and don’t give up hope.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question – Found on Answers.Yahoo.com

I don’t understand, boys tell me I’m pretty and nice all the time. I don’t have a boyfriend though whats up with that? What could possibly be wrong with me…..:(

My response:

Dear boy-friendless,

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You will learn that sometimes boys don’t always know how to ask a girl out. I was never the kind of girl to ask a boy out, but now a days, many girls are the ones to ask boys out. You can try asking the boy you like out, and if this route just isn’t for you then try throwing out some hints, or try setting up a few friends to go to the movies or to eat pizza and invite him to go, this will at least break the ice. Don’t act insecure, boys don’t like that, and that may throw them off, but if they are telling you that you are pretty, it’s more then likely they like you, and you might just have to step up and be the one to ask them out. Don’t be shy, be confident, you know you are pretty and fun to hang out with and soon you’ll have more boyfriends then you’ll know what to do with.

xo,
kristin nicole

The Question: Found on Answers.Yahoo.com

We have been friends for a couple of years and a few months ago he told me that he liked me but he has a girlfriend so I was just going to go on with my life like normal. We texted each other everyday after school and talked all the time in class but when he was with his girlfriend he never talked to me. Then after a while there was drama between me and his girlfriend, and he told me that he didn’t care about the drama and he would stick up for me through it all, and he said that if they broke up we would be together. After the drama we texted for a while but now that we don’t have a class together he never texts me any more….I miss my friend what should I do?

My response:

Dear no longer friends,

I think your friend was trying to have their cake and eat it too. He say’s he liked you, but then he had a girlfriend, but then “if” he left his girlfriend he would be with you? I’m not sure I understand? If he really cared about you he wouldn’t have said that, and he would have just broken up with his girlfriend to be with you. If he was willing to stick up for you and not his girlfriend, that doesn’t say much about him, it sounds to me like he’s a jerk. I’m sorry to say this, but when you have a girl/friend or a boy/friend and you enter into a relationship the friend in the opposite sex always gets pushed back a little. When you are in a relationship you don’t tend to talk to the opposite sex anymore because it might bother your boyfriend or girlfriend, it’s just the way things are. Him not texting you as much when he had a girlfriend is completely normal. I know it’s hard to not feel offended but this is what usually happens. I’m sorry but just because you don’t have a class together anymore doesn’t mean he can’t stay friends with you, if he was a true friend he would be texting or calling you to chat, but he isn’t. I say move on, I know you miss him but that will pass, you deserve better friends then that in your life. If you insist on trying, call him and ask him why he hasn’t texted you in a long time. Don’t text, people can ignore texts but if you talk to him in person or over the phone he has to listen to what you have to say. My opinion though, you deserve a better friend that what he’s been to you lately and I think you deserve better then that, you have to know that. Hope this helps.

xo,
kristin nicole

The Question: Found on Answers.Yahoo.com

Well I’m only 13 but I always have this really maternal instinct. I really wish I had a little brother or sister but my parents are too old to have kids and whenever I see a little baby I always want to hold it and play with it. I really want to have a kid but I know I’m so young but it’s a really bad yearning and I obviously wouldn’t but I really, really want to. I have dreams all the time about having babies and stuff and I just don’t know if this is natural or not. So what should I do?

My response:

Dear Teen,

It’s natural to feel and have maternal instincts. You are obviously mature beyond your years. This is normal in a lot of girls. Feeling this way and acting on them are two different things though. You have never been around small children, and although you know you have a soft spot for them, being around them and having one on your own are two different things. Children take a lot of work, a lot of attention and a lot of money. Don’t be in a hurry to grow up, you are only 13, your time will come when you are much older and ready to take on such a huge responsibility. If you like children a lot, have you thought about volunteering in a hospital, a day care, or any other place that has children. They have the big brother/big sister programs, I am not sure how old you have to be to join, but maybe your parents can help you get involved in one of these programs. There are plenty of programs that you can get into that involve being with children (research what is in your area), and this way you can help children that don’t have the privileges other children have. Hope this helps.

xo,
kristin nicole