Express yourself. image by: google.com/images

Expressing yourself can sometimes be hard. If you are angry do you tell the person you are fighting with what you feel right then and there? Or should you wait until you cool off and have a more focused mind set? Sometimes letting it out in the moment allows you to really tell the person how you feel but sometimes it’s better to cool off and talk calmly with each other in order to avoid words you may regret later.

Sometimes there comes a time when you argue with your boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, or friend, and sometimes you get so angry you can’t express your feelings. In my case I try to talk in the moment but if I get too frustrated I close myself off because I can’t fathom having a conversation with that person. When I try to say what I am thinking sometimes I over think my thoughts and I end up stoping my self, leaving myself with no words to say.

Why do we do this? Why is it so hard for women and men to say what they feel? Are we afraid of what the other person might say? SOMETIMES, For me that is the case. I’m afraid to get into a bigger argument when I just want them to understand what I am feeling, but that doesn’t always work.

So I find it easier to express myself sometimes through email, letters or text. I know this shouldn’t be the solution but sometimes it’s the only way to get what I feel out in the open. It’s better to get it out one way than not at all. Right?!?

In my letter I try to really go into details on what I feel but you still want to make sure you aren’t crossing the line somewhere. Sometimes in letters the person reading it may interpret your words differently and you don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings, unless taht is your intentions of course.

I found a website that talks about relationships and communication, and I truly believe that communication is the KEY to a healthy and long relationship. You can’t hold things inside because in the end you will only blow up, and that isn’t good for either one of you. This website tries to help MEN communicate better. For those men who have problems communicating check this website out and click HERE.

Even though the website indicates how to communicate more for men towards women, I think it’s good for women to read it as well. Some of women might be a little more like men then we think. Open up to your other half and tell them how you feel, but don’t attack them with your words, just tell them that you only want them to know how you are feeling and what can “we” do to fix it.

Assumptions are the termites of relationships. ~Henry Winkler.

xo
kristin nicole

Over Involved Mother – image by: google.com/images

The Question:

 Dear Kristin Nicole;

I am way too involved in my nearly 15 year old daughter’s life. It consumes me and my happiness seems to be dependent on how happy she is. I find myself getting too involved in social issues and give advice often before she asks for it. We have a great relationship and she tells me so much but I sometimes wish she didn’t. Lately I have lost sleep worrying about girl issues and boyfriend issues. She is extremely attractive and athletic and often suffers from jealous girls trying to knock her down. Lately these girls have been trying to turn boys against her and have succeeded to a point. She says it doesn’t worry her but I struggle to believe that. She says she is fine but I just can’t stop worrying and giving advice. I need to stop before I ruin the wonderful relationship we have had and she stops telling me things. It’s just that I know what can potentially happen and I am trying to protect her from it. Help me to stop as i am neglecting my 11 year old son and husband that is all that is consuming my thoughts. I am an educated person with a degree so I should know better! (Edited by: KN)

My Response:

Dear Over involved mom;

Lost and Confused – Image found on google.com/images

Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole,

I have been with my boyfriend for five years, and recently cheated on him with my best friend. If you are wondering, my best friend is a girl. I have always loved the way women looked, but never tried being with a woman, and my best friend has always told me how beautiful I am and has always been there for me. I feel guilty sleeping with her, but at the same time I don’t know if to leave my boyfriend or tell my best friend that we can’t hook up anymore. Please help.

~Confused

My Response:

Dear Confused,

If you are feeling confused maybe it’s best to stop hooking up with your boyfriend and best friend and try to evaluate what it is you are feeling. On top of cheating with your boyfriend, you cheated with a woman. Have you always had feelings for women? If you have then maybe you have been trying to lie to yourself about the way you truly feel. First find out what it is you are truly searching for and go from there. It isn’t good to lie to your boyfriend but figure things out before you hurt more people. Good luck

xo,
kristin nicole

I love my Brother – Picture found on Instagram – edited by: kristin nicole

The first song is called My Wish by Rascal Flatts

Lyrics

I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow
And each road leads you where you want to go
And if you’re faced with the choice and you have to choose I hope you choose the one that means the most to you
And if one door opens to another door closed I hope you keep on walkin’ ‘til you find the window If it’s cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile
But more than anything, more than anything
My wish for you Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you’re out there gettin’ where you’re gettin’ to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too Yeah, this is my wish

I hope you never look back but you never forget
All the ones who love you and the place you left
I hope you always forgive and you never regret
And you help somebody every chance you get
Oh, you’d find God’s grace in every mistake
And always give more than you take
But more than anything, yeah more than anything
My wish for you Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you’re out there gettin’ where you’re gettin’ to I hope you know somebody loves you And wants the same things too Yeah, this is my wish, yeah yeah

My wish for you Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you’re out there gettin’ where you’re gettin’ to I hope you know somebody loves you And wants the same things too Yeah, this is my wish (My wish for you)
This is my wish (My wish for you)
I hope you know somebody loves you (My wish for you)
May all your dreams stay big (My wish for you)

The second song is called Brothers by Greg Bates

Lyrics

They knew all about you from the day that you were born
Your highchair, weight in ounces, the face that we adored
But when it came to naming you Mom and Dad weren’t sure
But that’s what brothers are for

I can still remember your first day of school
And I know I didn’t say it then, but I was worried too
And I know that Momma woulda walked you through that door
But that’s what brothers are for

Yeah I know we’ve had our share of fights
And I’ve come close to killin’ you a few times
But I woulda gone down in flames just to see you soar
Cuz that’s what brothers are for

I thank God that you could be here today
Cuz standin’ next to you means so much to me
As she walks down the aisle, I know I’m not alone
Cuz right beside me is the best man I’ve ever known
And I know we’ve had our share of fights
And I’ve come close to killing you a few times
But I woulda gone down in flames just to see you soar
Yeah, I wanna see you soar
Cuz that’s what brothers are for

Tell me what you think…

xo
kristin nicole

Engagement Ring. Lands End. San Francisco, CA – Photo by: kristin nicole

It’s a new year, and everything is changing. As most of you who know me, you know that I went to San Francisco for my birthday. Well it was one of the best birthdays I have had in a long time. My boyfriend of six years, proposed to me on Lands End. The place is spectacular and I couldn’t have asked for a better proposal from the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Now I’m in wedding mode, so in between work and school I have to make time to plan a wedding. It’s amazing how I knew the theme I wanted and everything else has just come together. I don’t have everything yet, but I have the base of my ideas. I have a friend who gave me a great idea. I am going to put together a vision board, full of the ideas I want for the wedding. This way I can see it put together on a board in front of me. Now of course I am not including my ‘fiancé’ in any of this, the less he knows the better he feels. I have come to realize that men are just completely useless when it comes to weddings. Even though they have asked you to marry them, it doesn’t mean they can handle all the wedding plans and ideas. It seems to overwhelm them. I don’t like to stress anyone out, so I try to keep things has simple has possible. Thankfully I have a lot of friends and family who are very excited about this wedding as I am. Having support and helping to plan a wedding is great … how do I call it… stress relief…. anxiety relief…. Okay… who am I kidding, I’ll probably still get anxiety, because I am a little of a control freak. I can’t help it. One bridesmaid said, she can’t even surprise me because I want to approve the surprises! Sorry, but yes I do… haha

If you look at my categories, I have now added a Wedding tab. I will be periodically posting ideas and thoughts on the wedding planning. If you are planning your wedding and want to share ideas or grab some from me, go right ahead.

xo,

kristin nicole

Meet the Parents. Image found: google.com/images

The Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole;

I am from Vietnamese . It’s my pleasure to be your Friend on Facebook. I’ve read alot of your article at ” Soapnights.com ” . I see a lot of useful advices you’ve given to everybody when they have a problem. Today, I want to tell you a story about myself . I have fallen in love with my present girlfriend of one and half years. She is older than me by one year. We know everything about each other, I love her and she love me too. Now, I am a last year student at Science and Technology school, she graduated a year ago, she is working for a company at the same city where I ‘m studying. Two month ago, I introduced her to my parents. Because she is very good and kind my parents like her very much. I am very happy about that. I offered to visit her parents, they live in another city about 250 kilometers far from my location, but she refused me several times. She had many reasons about it. I don’t know why and because I asked her several times to visit her parents I don’t want to ask her again. I really want to see them and I think it will be very good if I have a good relationship with her parents. I don’t know what to do? I hope you can give me some advices about this problem . Thank you very much!
Truly yours, (Revised by Kristin Nicole 12/11/12)

~Meet Parents

My Response:

Dear Meet Parents;

Good Morning.

Thank you for following up with articles on Soapnights, I truly appreciate it.

Now to your questions… You need to try and sit down with your girlfriend, and tell her you want an honest answer as to why she doesn’t want you to meet her parents. Tell her how it makes you feel when she doesn’t give you a straight answer and that you want to know the reason for her not wanting you to meet them. It can be a few reasons behind why she doesn’t want you meeting them, but you aren’t going to get an answer unless you sit her down and talk to her. I know you have tried several times, but if she is refusing for you to meet her parents, then something is not right with that. A person who is in love should want the other person to meet their parents, as you did with her. I would get to the bottom of this and tell her that if she is serious about your relationship, this is the next step you want to take. You have to wonder though, why she is really being resistant to you meeting her parents. It is either she doesn’t want them to meet you, or she doesn’t want you to meet them. Whatever the reason, you need to be honest with how you feel and tell her this is what you want. Good luck.

xo,

kristin nicole

Feeling Alone. Image from: google.com/images

The Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole;

Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m alone. My family does try to reach out but I just shut down. I have all these mixed feelings about where my life is going. I don’t have a job and I just feel as if my world is closing in. I don’t have motivation to do anything, even though I want to grow out of this rut. How can I do this? Help!

~Alone

My Response:

Dear Alone;

You aren’t alone, you have to first realize that your family is there. You already know because you said it, but you need to accept it and let them in. Family is there through hard times, and if they are trying to be there for you then appreciate that and let them help you. There are some people who don’t have families, and there are some people whose families don’t offer help. Be grateful for your family and let them guide you to where you want to go. If you are feeling depressed maybe talking to a professional will help you get out of that rut, and get motivated into getting your life back on track. Make a list of the goals you want to take. The new year is approaching, make these goals a New Years resolution. Get out there and search for a job, go back to school if you aren’t in school and get back on track. You are the only person who can get you motivated. Start looking at what makes you happy and go for it.

xo,

kristin nicole

Twenty Six Years. Image found: google.com/images

The Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole;

I am thinking about leaving my husband of 26 years. I held on hoping he would change, I held on for the kids, but now that our kids are older I just can’t pretend anymore. I don’t know how to tell him. Can you help me?

~Twenty Six

My Response:

Dear Twenty Six;

It’s never easy letting someone know you want to move on from the relationship, but it’s even harder after so many years. I think you are making the right decision. You shouldn’t keep pretending to be happy, if you aren’t. Try to sit your husband down and explain to him that you are no longer in love with him. I’m sure if you have not been in love with him for a long time, that this is not going to be a total surprise to him. Either way it is not going to be easy, and he may be hurt. But at the end of the day it’s better for the both of you to move on from something that you aren’t happy with. Good luck

xo,

kristin nicole

Update 12/05/12:

I have sadly not done much of the goals on my list. Unfortunately some take time and money and I have neither. I have accomplished a lot reaching my 30s. I have 15 days left in my 20s and I am very sad to see them go. My 20s have been filled with lots of emotions. I grew up a lot, I’ve learned life lessons, I have continued my education and I have found a best friend who I want to spend the rest of my life with. I’m not going to lie, turning 30 is a little scary. I always heard the older you get the faster life passes you by. I am truly starting to see that now. I am seeing that every moment counts, that we shouldn’t take things for granted and we need to express to those we love that we love them. I have encountered freedom, moving away from home thousands of miles away with no family but a true friend who till this day is my family. Yoli – You are my best friend and my sister, without you I would have not been able to survive Cali, and I will continue to love you and cherish you in my life. I miss you every day I don’t get to see you, and although we don’t always talk, you are always in my thoughts. With Yoli I gained a family. I gained three beautiful nephews that I adore. They are young men now and I love them dearly.

After moving back from Cali I experienced a life lesson some should never have to go through. Lost love and financial hardship. I pulled through and survived both. My families support helped me surpass what I thought at the time was one of the hardest things I had to go through. Then I found my best friend. My boyfriend has been there with me and has supported me going through school and finishing my Associates, Bachelors and now my Masters Degree. Although I didn’t get to finish my degree before reaching 30 I will be done by the end of next year, and this is an achievement to be very proud of.

I am now entering what they call “the prime” and although I rather stay in my 20s it’s looking like I don’t have a choice. For my 30th my boyfriend is taking me to San Francisco, California. I am excited to spend my birthday over there and see another one of my best friends. I have lost friends and gained friends, and although I have gone through struggles, I would not change one thing. Every hardship, every tear, every laughter and smile has made me into who I am today.

Let’s hope 30s are even better than my 20s. Let’s see what it has in store for me…..

xo
kristin nicole

Update 07/31/12:

Sadly I have not done the ones that mean the most on this list. I have crossed out the ones that I have accomplished, and I feel I should change a few things on here…. Thoughts in process….

Update: June 2011

I have recently purchased a home with my boyfriend so I can now cross out a few things on my list before 30. The ones in bold were ones I had already done when I made the list and the ones with the line through them are the current goals I’ve achieved. What are your goals?

xo,
kristin nicole

30 Goals Before 30

30 Goals Before 30… Let’s just say I don’t have that much time, yet I’m willing to try and get 30 Goals done before I’m 30! I got the idea of writing out my 30 goals before 30 from a good friend of mine. As I was reading her blog on Clothes, I discovered another post she wrote about called “30 Goals Before 30″. I thought to myself… WOW What a great idea. So of course I asked Vanessa if I can borrow her idea and make my own 30 Goals Before 30 and she was more than thrilled to see what my goals are. If you want to check out Vanessa’s Goals you can visit her website Vanessa-Michelle.com.

So where do I begin…The goals highlighted in Bold are the Goals I’ve already reached and all the rest are goals I hope to achieve before I’m 30.

Goals

1. Go sky diving <– I would still love to do this… so maybe this will be a goal to do in my 30s…
2. Travel to one new State each year (So far so good)
3. Get a pet
4. Go to the Regatta (Lost that one, when we couldn’t make it)
5. Live in Downtown Miami
6. Buy a House with my Boyfriend
7. Get my AA
8. Picture Blog (365 Picture Project) – I better get started — EEK Not going to happen…
9. Sign up for a Professional Cooking Class
10. See a Vineyard (Napa Valley)
11. See SNOW
12. Learn to play the guitar <— This is my goal for sure….
13. Learn to play the keyboard <— we shall see
14. Visit San Francisco
15. Graduate with my Bachelors Degree
16. Make a dessert from scratch
17. Make my own recipe meal
18. Help give good advice to someone who needs it. (I would think I did this one.)
19. Go to Disney World (I’ve been to Islands of Adventure with my boyfriend but not Disney World). Does Hollywood Studios Count??? We should be going to Magic Kingdom before 30 though… heh – Whoot whoot, this was achieved. We just went for our anniversary
20. Go to New York and finish seeing all the things I missed the first trip. (I could have done this, but decided on Chicago instead)
21. Visit Seattle
22. Visit my friend in Louisiana
23. Go in a Limo
24. Be a Maid of Honor
25. Have a mango tree in my backyard
26. Grow my own vegetable garden (Eventually but don’t think it will happen before 30 – although my boyfriend and I did have a basil tree grow) <— working on it…
27. Design my own house (Not exactly the house but a lot inside)
28. Finish the transition from Soapnights to KristinNicole.com <– Okay this is not my fault, this is my bff’s fault.
29. Write a Book (in the works) – Not going to happen before 30…..
30. Someone to discover me and have my own column so that I can work from home and travel.<– working on it.

These are my 30 Goals Before 30 – Some of them I have already achieved and some I am currently working on. You never know where life will take you but you can make choices in life that can lead you to where you want to be. Be positive and good things will always come your way.

xo,
kristin nicole

Letting Go. Image from google.com/images

Letting go is the hardest thing to do
but it doesn’t mean I’ll forget you
when sadness creeps in through the night
you are the one person I dream about to make things right
When everything looks like it’s falling apart
you give me strength to move on

When I heard you were leaving
I couldn’t believe my ears
My heart sank but I held on to fate
I didn’t want to see it
I didn’t want to hear it
but deep down I knew this day would come
that in darkness you would be gone.

In my dreams I see you
and I don’t want to wake
I can smell you and feel you
why was this your fate?

I’ll hold on until I can’t anymore
but know that I will always love you
in my heart you will always be
forever just you and me.

©kristin nicole – 2012