SoapNights / Kristin Nicole

Dear Kristin Nicole,

I met this guy and we have gone on a few date, however now he’s constantly calling me and he already wants me to be his girlfriend and we have only known each other for about three weeks. On top of it all he’s in his late 40′s living with his mom. That’s not the bad part, it’s fine if you are single and you need to help your mom out, but his mom works and has no car, and he is constantly doing things with his mom. One day I asked if he wanted to do lunch instead of dinner because I’m a single mom and was going to be going out that night with my daughter. He said he couldn’t because he was going to trade in his car and he was going with his mom. I feel like it’s becoming too much. Can we say “Mama’s Boy”? On top of it all he was ready to invite himself over to my house one day and I told him no, because as I mentioned before I have a teenage daughter and I am not going to bring any guy into my house. He also has teenage children with a previous marriage that live out of the Country but he failed to mention until just recently that he has an 11 month old daughter with another women, who also lives outside of the country. I don’t think I want to deal with someone who hides his children, lives for their mother only and is now nonstop calling me. He’s a nice guy, but I’m just not ready for a relationship, let alone with someone like him. Now I have just been avoiding his phone calls, what should I do?

~ Dating a mama’s boy

Dear Dating a mama’s boy,

If it’s only been three weeks, this is good. This means you haven’t invested much time in figuring out this guy just isn’t for you. If he really wanted to see you the day you offered to have lunch with him, he could have invited you to go with him car shopping either with his mom or leaving his mom at home and taking you instead. Inviting himself to your house is also a little pushy, especially since he knows you have a daughter. I think you did the right thing by stopping him. As for all his children, I think it’s a bad start if he told you off the bat about the first two children but forgot to mention his 11 month year old daughter he has with another women. It seems like it’s too much already for just knowing him three weeks. I think that if he is a nice guy though, that you should at least pick up the phone or call him and let him know that you just aren’t ready for a relationship right now and you can stay friends if you like. Most men don’t like to hear “the friend speech”, but it’s better to be honest with him without hurting his feelings, then just ignoring his phone calls. Now move on, and if you’re not ready for a relationship then enjoy being single and enjoy time with your daughter, one day the right man will come along.

XO,
Kristin Nicole

The Question:

My husband is not romantic, is it unrealistic to ask him to be more romantic?

For example, we rarely do gift exchange but I would like to, and I told my husband it would be nice if he could sometimes buy me presents. I don’t care about material things, but I just think it’s a nice gesture to do for your wife/husband. And whenever we go out together, I am always the one who initiates, but I want him to initiate too. I feel like I’m always the one forcing him, or making him spend time with me.

Is it fair for me to ask such things of him?

~Asking for Too Much

My Response:

Dear Asking for Too Much;

I am assuming your husband didn’t stop being romantic from one day to the next, you probably already knew he was like this before you married him. With that said, it doesn’t mean that it’s too much to ask for. You have to talk to your husband, communicate to him how you feel and that you understand he isn’t romantic but it would be nice for him to make a little more effort when it came to gifts and going out for dinner. I think it’s important to get each other gifts especially during special occasions, it doesn’t have to be expensive just a little something to show you care. It makes a person feel good about their relationship when you get little surprises, like flowers on a Wednesday. Talk to your husband, tell him how you feel and try to surprise him every once in a while too.

Good luck
xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question:

Me, my friend with benefits and my girl friend had a threesome and now I’m so jealous I’m crying my eyes out. Please any advice?
So me and Hank are really good friends and we hook up when we’re bored… so today we went out and I brought my friend Stacey along with us because I wanted her to meet him but then we started hooking up (me and hank) and I’m like oh look Stacey feels left out lets let her join haha, and I’m like OK whatever you know everyone experiments. So we did and Hank and Stacey were having sex and I was so f’en jealous but I played it off and pretended I was tired. Stacey came up to me afterwards and apologized and I was like whatever its cool you know. So now I don’t know what to do. Hank and I are just friends with benefits but everyone knows we kind of like each other but I’m so jealous I cried! Even Hank asked me whats wrong because I was obviously annoyed and just quiet afterwards. Has anyone ever been in a situation like this? What now? Help….

~Friend with Benefits

My Response:

Dear Friends with Benefits;

It is my opinion that if you care about someone, never do a threesome, there is always someone in that equation that gets hurt. What is done is done, if your friend knows you like this guy just make sure you don’t have any more threesomes with her and your guy. If you really like this guy and you think he has feelings for you, then you need to talk to him. If you don’t talk to him then chances are he will just stay comfortable in this “friends with benefits” routine you guys have going on. Friends with benefits is no longer that when someone starts having feelings for the other person. You need to tell him how you feel and go from there. If he doesn’t feel the same way then you have to stop sleeping with him, sleeping with him is only going to make your feelings stronger for him and you are only going to get hurt. Remember communication is key in any relationship, if he’s really your friend then he should be honest with you on how he feels.
Good luck.

xo
kristin nicole

I found my question on Answers.Yahoo.com

The Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole;

I am in desperate need of help. I have been in a relationship for few years now. We are both 24, and want to get engaged. In our culture we have to have our parents permission to get engaged and for the engagement ceremony the parents sit down and decide a date etc. His parents had no reason to say no to this relationship (I am as educated as he is, I earn as much as he does, we are from the same culture, same religion, same caste, same well educated family background, as good looking as he is, loves him as much he does me). His parents first made some excuses but then allowed us to date, but when it started getting serious they have been stubborn and blackmailing him (by saying they will die if he moves out and gets married to me) beating him up (I AM SERIOUS. they are beating up a 24 year old guy). They lock him up in the room just so that he cant come see me… torturing him by saying things like the will kill themselves if he gets married to me, that he has forgotten their 24 years of raising him, for one girl etc. His parents even called my parents and abused them and asked them for me to loose contact with him. TALKING and asking for reasons doesn’t work, all they have to say is “we feel that if you guys get married it will end up in a divorce”. His parents haven’t even met me yet and they said no because they feel he loves me so much and I will take advantage of it in future.

He loves me a lot and he has been going through all this suffering just to get a YES from his parents. (because he doesn’t want his parents to blame me for snatching away their child in future) now he has finally decided to move out after 3 months of painful suffering just because of me. I don’t know why I feel guilty for his separation from his parents! I feel if I never came to his life he wouldn’t have gone through all this **** and crap! Am I doing the wrong thing by wanting to spend my life with him and by making him move out of his house?

What is the best solution in this situation? I NEED HELP. I have been under severe depression and stress and frustration and I cant take it anymore. I NEED TO KNOW IF THERE IS ANY OTHER SOLUTION???
Waiting for your reply…

~guilty

My Response:

Dear Guilty;

It seems to me that no matter what woman your boyfriend was going to take home, they weren’t going to be good enough for his family. If they haven’t even met you yet, they have no right to judge. I understand that in these types of religions that the parents have a little more control over the situation. (I am not sure what religion you are and the extent of the situation). However, no parent, I don’t care what religion you are, has the right to abuse a child. Locking him up in his room is abuse and that is not to be taken lightly. Your boyfriend is no longer a child but a 24 year old man, and if he chooses to move out of his home, it is his right and his decision. I understand that he moved out to be with you, but you cannot blame yourself for the situation that stands between his parents and himself. His parents obviously have some issues they need to attend to, and your boyfriend needs to stand up and talk to them, explain to them that you both don’t want them to not be in your lives but that they need to understand that he loves you and all the both of you want is for them to give you their blessing and accept you into their family. I know it’s easier said than done, but maybe you need to go together to speak to his parents. Talk to your boyfriend first and explain to him how you feel, I am sure he does not blame you for leaving his house, this was his decision and he is a grown man. Communication is key in any relationship, you can’t hold in what you are feeling, you need to talk to your boyfriend and try to see what you can do together to make this relationship work. Don’t feel guilty, you have done nothing wrong but love your boyfriend….

Good luck

xo,
kristin nicole

If you need more advice don’t hesitate to email me.

The Question:

Is my Uncle cheating on my Auntie?

I was playing hide and seek with my cousin and hiding behind a sofa when my uncle came to sit down not knowing I was there. He got out his phone and started texting someone. I could only see a little bit of the text and I saw words such as GIRLFRIEND and GORGEOUS. When my cousin suddenly walked in the room he quickly hid his phone. HELP. What should I do?

Additional Details
I’m 14 and was made to play hide and seek with my 4 year old cousin by parents….

My Response:

Dear Hide & Seek;

This is a hard position to be in, but you don’t necessarily know he is cheating on your aunt, and you do not want to stir up problems if there really isn’t any. This is between your aunt and uncle and I would just leave it alone. If you feel that you can’t and it is really bothering you then talk to your parents about what you saw, then let them take it from there. You are too young to be worrying about stuff like this… Good luck

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

This week…

So this week I didn’t have many Advice columns, I was inspired to write from the heart, write about life and questions that we sometimes have. I have come across a few people in my life, friends that have come and gone, boyfriends, and family and I know so many people who have the same questions. Sometimes we think we are alone in what we feel, we feel like no one can ever understand us. In some cases no one will know 100% of what you feel because everyone goes through life differently and everyone reacts differently to situations, but just because you go through it differently doesn’t mean another person can’t understand what you are going through.

Life is a road we all must take, and although we don’t know where it is going, we drive on it anyway, hoping it leads us to that happy ending in the sky….

Inspiration:

In life I have met people who have inspired me to become a better person, inspired me to fight for what I want and inspired me that no matter what you may think about yourself or what others may think of you, in the end you will find your way….
Life has brought a lot of negative things but it’s also brought a lot of positive, loving things. If we dwell on the negative that has happened to us then we will never be able to truly move forward, we will never be able to truly feel the happiness that is out there waiting for us. I can’t say I haven’t held grudges or that I’m perfect, and I am not saying it’s easy to forgive someone that has hurt you, but if we can’t change the past, we can’t change what happened to us then we need to learn how to move on from it. We need to learn that the past stays in the past and our future has so many more possibilities filled with love and happiness. I have to believe that there is more out there for me, just like I know there is more out there for you (the person reading this). Each day I get closer to my dreams coming true.

Today I am inspired to become a better person
Today I am inspired to make my dreams come true
Today I am inspired to believe in the unbelievable
Today I am inspired to Love
Today I am inspired to take in the cool air and imagine the possibilities
Today I am just inspired…..

xo,
kristin nicole

Is it ever too late?

Sometimes in life we wonder if it’s ever to late to do some of the things we wished we had done when we were younger. Is it too late to go back to school and finish my degree? Is it too late to tell him/her I love him/her? Is it too late to buy those shoes I saw in the window? Is it too late to move to another city? Is it too late?

Nothing in life is ever easy, no one can tell you to turn right instead of left, and at the end of the day it’s never too late….

I hate to say I’m passed the age where I should have already received a Master’s Degree, let alone my Bachelors, but I’m in school and little by little working my way to getting that degree. I thought at one point it was too late, too late to continue and do what I want to do, too late to finish and too late to follow my dreams. I’m living proof that it’s never too late. Sure it’s taking me long enough, but I have to work full time and go to school, and although it isn’t easy each day moves forward and each day is a day closer to that degree. Going to school online I meet people who are a lot older than I am, also living proof, that ‘It’s NEVER too late’.

I still wonder about the ‘what ifs’, I wonder where I would be and what I would be doing, but in life ‘EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON’, and I truly believe that. (That’s another story I would have to tell you about another time…). But like I said….things happen for a reason. We meet people in our lives who cross our paths only to introduce us to people that will be in our future. If we sit here all the time wondering about the what ifs, and is it ever too lates… in the world, then life will pass us by and we’ll never know what could have been.

It’s never too late to live your dream, buy those shoes in the window or tell that person you love them. Don’t stop dreaming, don’t stop believing in hope, and have faith and strength to do the things you want to do in life. I’m not perfect and sometimes I get scared to move to the next step in life, but if we don’t keep walking forward, then we’ll miss out on all the great things life has to offer us. With every hard moment in life a good moment is right around the corner. With every little fear inside of us, lives the strength and hope to keep us moving forward. It’s never too late to do the things we want to do in life. Life is too short, don’t live it wondering if it’s too late, just get out there and go for it.

xo,
kristin nicole

Dreams do come true….

Dreams are what our hearts desire. We dream about the future and what we could have. When we are kids we dream big, we believe everything and anything is possible, somewhere a long the way we somehow lose that faith, that anything is indeed possible.

Sometimes I get anxious, I try to think positive and believe that anything is possible. If I think positive and believe in the future, it will happen. If I give it my all, the possibilities will become reality. As I try to believe in my words I get anxious, I think it comes from being scared. Scared about the ‘what if’s’ in life, scared that dreams don’t actually come true.

When you dream big you become big. Some think that if you dream big, you are only looking towards a bigger disappointment. But isn’t dreaming about what you want in life the goal we have to try to achieve, and if we fail, doesn’t that mean that we have to fight stronger, move forward and keep fighting for that dream? If we give up on our dreams, then what do we have to look forward to? No one ever said that dreaming big was easy, no one said that your dreams would come true the moment you think of them. We have to fight for our dreams, work hard to achieve them and remember that anything is possible. If we believe in ourselves, if we believe that anything is possible and that dreams can come true, then we live a life much easier than those who believe nothing good can come from dreaming big.

I never really thought about what I REALLY wanted in life, what my dreams were, or if I ever really had a dream that was so big it can make me happy. When I stop to think about where I am in my life right now, I realize all the things I didn’t do up until now, but I also realize all the good that I have in my life. Without heartbreak, struggles, fear, we don’t become the people we are supposed to be. Each morning we get up, we have a routine (either work or school, or some other type of activity) we then get home to either take care of our kids, study, cook etc and then we go to sleep to start the day all over again. But do you wake up going to a place you are happy with? Do we settle for contentment or do we fight the big fight called LIFE?

I want to fight, I want to dream and I want to believe that ANYTHING is POSSIBLE. I want to become who I am destined to be. I’m going to dream, I’m going to work to make those dreams come true and one day you will see that no matter what happens in life, dreams can come true.

~ Don’t ever stop believing in your dreams, because when you stop believing in your dreams you stop believing in yourself. ~Kristin Nicole

xo,
kristin nicole

Random Thoughts:

Pain is something we all feel at one point in our lives. When you hurt inside it’s a pain that is unexplainable, a pain that blinds us from what is really in front of us. Sometimes when we hurt we eventually move forward, we eventually see that the pain was for a reason, other times the pain turns into anger. Life is a journey that we are all on together, a journey we have to figure out on our own. We cross paths with people in our lives that change who we are, we either grow from them or we stay stuck in the paths we are crossing. I believe that we meet people in our lives for a reason, we might not see it in the moment, but they are there for one reason or another.

Sometimes we feel lost, and confused and we aren’t quiet sure where to go from there. I knew someone who was lost, this person forgot who they were, they weren’t happy with themselves or their life and they pushed everyone they knew away. Closing one door leading them into a depression I couldn’t get them out of. When someone tells you that they don’t love you anymore, you try to come up with reasons why they loved you to begin with, when a person stops loving themselves the only thing you can do is let them find their own way back. How do you help someone who doesn’t want to be helped? There is no guide book in life to tell us how to act, what to do, where to go, there is no help guide to tell us how to love or what to do when we feel sad or upset. We live this life for a reason and we try to figure it out along the way.

At times I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I have a vision of what I want to do, but fear holds me back at times, wondering if what I really want will ever truly happen, if I’m good enough for what seems to be the impossible. I try to think positive and I love to feel like anything is possible, but there is always that little negative voice inside who stops us from making our dreams come true. Why do people always second guess themselves, why do we feel like there are some things in life that just can’t happen?

My friend gave me this quote from Steve Jobs which I find to be refreshing, I have it up on my board at work so that I can see it and remind myself of the possibilities life has to bring.

“You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of our life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle. ~Steve Jobs (2005 Stanford Commencement Speech).

xo,
kristin nicole

The Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole;

I just need to vent and with that I have a few questions…I just want to know if I’m overreacting? My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 years, he is a great guy and he is actually a normal man, he is not a show off or a dog. He treats me amazing and 90% of the time I tell myself how lucky I am to have such an amazing person with me. Now here’s what happens in between all the nice things…Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t pay attention to me at all. If I say something to him, he sometimes ignores what I say and what pisses me off the most is that if someone else says something right after me he responds to them…so it’s like what I say doesn’t mean anything. He also isn’t a very emotional person, from time to time he kisses me and hugs me, but most of the time, I have to kiss him and even then I feel like I’m begging for it. So going back to the emotions; when I ignore him or kind of mind my own he comes up to me and acts all cute with me, and plays with me and says cute things (this is rare), texts me in the morning asking me how is my day at work or school etc. Now when I go up to him and kiss him and all that, I feel like he pushes me away. He never tells me how he feels, so when I ask all he says is “I’m with you, I thought that was the answer and I don’t need to tell you how I feel, I thought you would know” and even after I have told him it’s nice to hear something nice from time to time he still doesn’t say anything or do anything. Now about sex….. He never comes up to me anymore, hardly ever, but I know he is watching Porn…. It just doesn’t make sense to me since I’m always there, basically asking for sex. Now for the past 3 days I’ve felt so distant from him. I feel like he is being cold, and today I know he has been up for 3 hours since he had somewhere to go and I texted him twice both telling him good news and no response, and for some reason from day one I always felt like he would cheat on me, even though he has never given me any reason to think that. He has been nothing but loyal, so here is why I might be overreacting, over analyzing, I think that maybe my thought of him cheating or leaving me is making me paranoid which maybe is hurting us? Also there’s no reason to break up with me for another women it would just be a waste of time and no need for that, I’m perfect for him. So my question is why does he act so weird and distant sometimes, and when I ask it’s always nothing is wrong?

My Response:

Dear Emotional;

I do not think you are overreacting, sometimes as women we feel insecure when our men don’t tell us how they feel. It’s not to say they are doing something bad like cheating or that they don’t love us, but sometimes we have to stop over analyzing every little thing and just sit back and try to understand where they are coming from. I know you said you have already spoken to your boyfriend about how you feel, try again, try telling him how it makes you feel and that you want him to try a little harder. It might not come easy to him, to show emotions or be affectionate, so just try and give him time. He may never be overly affectionate with you and you have to accept that this is who he is and love him for him. As for the sex part, if he doesn’t initiate it, then you should. Spicing things up in the bedroom never hurt anyone.

If you don’t like that he is watching porn instead of having sex with you, then tell him. But don’t take it too personal, men sometimes just like watching porn and it doesn’t have anything to do with us. It doesn’t mean that he is not attracted to you or that he doesn’t love you. If he tells you he loves you and to not worry so much, then try to do just that. I know that it is easier said than done, and I know that sometimes it’s hard to not feel insecure and have all these crazy ideas in your head, but when you feel like you are driving yourself crazy, just remember that he has done nothing to make you not trust him. Trust is an important aspect in any relationship, and you have to believe in it. Don’t ever stop communicating with him about how you feel, even if he doesn’t change, you will feel better letting him know, and work on it together.

I hope I could help. If you ever need to talk just email me.

xo,
kristin nicole