Tag Archives: advice

How do I express myself?

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Expressing yourself can sometimes be hard. If you are angry do you tell the person you are fighting with what you feel right then and there? Or should you wait until you cool off and have a more focused mind set? Sometimes letting it out in the moment allows you to really tell the person how you feel but sometimes it’s better to cool off and talk calmly with each other in order to avoid words you may regret later.

Sometimes there comes a time when you argue with your boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, or friend, and sometimes you get so angry you can’t express your feelings. In my case I try to talk in the moment but if I get too frustrated I close myself off because I can’t fathom having a conversation with that person. When I try to say what I am thinking sometimes I over think my thoughts and I end up stoping my self, leaving myself with no words to say.

Why do we do this? Why is it so hard for women and men to say what they feel? Are we afraid of what the other person might say? SOMETIMES, For me that is the case. I’m afraid to get into a bigger argument when I just want them to understand what I am feeling, but that doesn’t always work.

So I find it easier to express myself sometimes through email, letters or text. I know this shouldn’t be the solution but sometimes it’s the only way to get what I feel out in the open. It’s better to get it out one way than not at all. Right?!?

In my letter I try to really go into details on what I feel but you still want to make sure you aren’t crossing the line somewhere. Sometimes in letters the person reading it may interpret your words differently and you don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings, unless taht is your intentions of course.

I found a website that talks about relationships and communication, and I truly believe that communication is the KEY to a healthy and long relationship. You can’t hold things inside because in the end you will only blow up, and that isn’t good for either one of you. This website tries to help MEN communicate better. For those men who have problems communicating check this website out and click HERE.

Even though the website indicates how to communicate more for men towards women, I think it’s good for women to read it as well. Some of women might be a little more like men then we think. Open up to your other half and tell them how you feel, but don’t attack them with your words, just tell them that you only want them to know how you are feeling and what can “we” do to fix it.

Assumptions are the termites of relationships. ~Henry Winkler.

xo
kristin nicole

I’m too involved in my daughters life and it’s taking me away from my son and husband

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Over Involved Mother – image by: google.com/images

The Question:

 Dear Kristin Nicole;

I am way too involved in my nearly 15 year old daughter’s life. It consumes me and my happiness seems to be dependent on how happy she is. I find myself getting too involved in social issues and give advice often before she asks for it. We have a great relationship and she tells me so much but I sometimes wish she didn’t. Lately I have lost sleep worrying about girl issues and boyfriend issues. She is extremely attractive and athletic and often suffers from jealous girls trying to knock her down. Lately these girls have been trying to turn boys against her and have succeeded to a point. She says it doesn’t worry her but I struggle to believe that. She says she is fine but I just can’t stop worrying and giving advice. I need to stop before I ruin the wonderful relationship we have had and she stops telling me things. It’s just that I know what can potentially happen and I am trying to protect her from it. Help me to stop as i am neglecting my 11 year old son and husband that is all that is consuming my thoughts. I am an educated person with a degree so I should know better! (Edited by: KN)

My Response:

Dear Over involved mom;

I know it’s hard to not worry about your daughter, but you have already passed the first step of realizing you are too involved. You have to accept that your daughter needs to make her own mistakes and you need to try to let what she tells you not bother you. If your daughter is open with you and she is telling you that she is okay, you need to believe her and let her come to you if things aren’t okay. Start making time for mother and son day. I can only imagine that things in common with an 11 year old son may be difficult but try to see what he wants to do and start giving him attention as well. Also try to make time for a date night with your husband and talk to him about how you are feeling. If you don’t explain to him how you feel then he won’t understand what it is you are going through. If you talk to him then at least he will have a better understanding on what is going on with you. Remember communication is key, let him help you and get your mind off things. Remember teenagers will have ups and downs, that’s why it’s called teenage years, so try not to worry so much about your daughter. It sounds to me like she’s a smart girl, and she already knows she can come to you if she needs you. Start focusing on the good and don’t over analyze everything she tells you.
Good Luck
xo,
kristin nicole

I cheated with my best friend

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Lost and Confused – Image found on google.com/images

Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole,

I have been with my boyfriend for five years, and recently cheated on him with my best friend. If you are wondering, my best friend is a girl. I have always loved the way women looked, but never tried being with a woman, and my best friend has always told me how beautiful I am and has always been there for me. I feel guilty sleeping with her, but at the same time I don’t know if to leave my boyfriend or tell my best friend that we can’t hook up anymore. Please help.

~Confused

My Response:

Dear Confused,

If you are feeling confused maybe it’s best to stop hooking up with your boyfriend and best friend and try to evaluate what it is you are feeling. On top of cheating with your boyfriend, you cheated with a woman. Have you always had feelings for women? If you have then maybe you have been trying to lie to yourself about the way you truly feel. First find out what it is you are truly searching for and go from there. It isn’t good to lie to your boyfriend but figure things out before you hurt more people. Good luck

xo,
kristin nicole

I want to meet her parents but she doesn’t want me to

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Meet the Parents. Image found: google.com/images

The Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole;

I am from Vietnamese . It’s my pleasure to be your Friend on Facebook. I’ve read alot of your article at ” Soapnights.com ” . I see a lot of useful advices you’ve given to everybody when they have a problem. Today, I want to tell you a story about myself . I have fallen in love with my present girlfriend of one and half years. She is older than me by one year. We know everything about each other, I love her and she love me too. Now, I am a last year student at Science and Technology school, she graduated a year ago, she is working for a company at the same city where I ‘m studying. Two month ago, I introduced her to my parents. Because she is very good and kind my parents like her very much. I am very happy about that. I offered to visit her parents, they live in another city about 250 kilometers far from my location, but she refused me several times. She had many reasons about it. I don’t know why and because I asked her several times to visit her parents I don’t want to ask her again. I really want to see them and I think it will be very good if I have a good relationship with her parents. I don’t know what to do? I hope you can give me some advices about this problem . Thank you very much!
Truly yours, (Revised by Kristin Nicole 12/11/12)

~Meet Parents

My Response:

Dear Meet Parents;

Good Morning.

Thank you for following up with articles on Soapnights, I truly appreciate it.

Now to your questions… You need to try and sit down with your girlfriend, and tell her you want an honest answer as to why she doesn’t want you to meet her parents. Tell her how it makes you feel when she doesn’t give you a straight answer and that you want to know the reason for her not wanting you to meet them. It can be a few reasons behind why she doesn’t want you meeting them, but you aren’t going to get an answer unless you sit her down and talk to her. I know you have tried several times, but if she is refusing for you to meet her parents, then something is not right with that. A person who is in love should want the other person to meet their parents, as you did with her. I would get to the bottom of this and tell her that if she is serious about your relationship, this is the next step you want to take. You have to wonder though, why she is really being resistant to you meeting her parents. It is either she doesn’t want them to meet you, or she doesn’t want you to meet them. Whatever the reason, you need to be honest with how you feel and tell her this is what you want. Good luck.

xo,

kristin nicole

My life isn’t going anywhere

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Feeling Alone. Image from: google.com/images

The Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole;

Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m alone. My family does try to reach out but I just shut down. I have all these mixed feelings about where my life is going. I don’t have a job and I just feel as if my world is closing in. I don’t have motivation to do anything, even though I want to grow out of this rut. How can I do this? Help!

~Alone

My Response:

Dear Alone;

You aren’t alone, you have to first realize that your family is there. You already know because you said it, but you need to accept it and let them in. Family is there through hard times, and if they are trying to be there for you then appreciate that and let them help you. There are some people who don’t have families, and there are some people whose families don’t offer help. Be grateful for your family and let them guide you to where you want to go. If you are feeling depressed maybe talking to a professional will help you get out of that rut, and get motivated into getting your life back on track. Make a list of the goals you want to take. The new year is approaching, make these goals a New Years resolution. Get out there and search for a job, go back to school if you aren’t in school and get back on track. You are the only person who can get you motivated. Start looking at what makes you happy and go for it.

xo,

kristin nicole

26 years and no longer in love

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Twenty Six Years. Image found: google.com/images

The Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole;

I am thinking about leaving my husband of 26 years. I held on hoping he would change, I held on for the kids, but now that our kids are older I just can’t pretend anymore. I don’t know how to tell him. Can you help me?

~Twenty Six

My Response:

Dear Twenty Six;

It’s never easy letting someone know you want to move on from the relationship, but it’s even harder after so many years. I think you are making the right decision. You shouldn’t keep pretending to be happy, if you aren’t. Try to sit your husband down and explain to him that you are no longer in love with him. I’m sure if you have not been in love with him for a long time, that this is not going to be a total surprise to him. Either way it is not going to be easy, and he may be hurt. But at the end of the day it’s better for the both of you to move on from something that you aren’t happy with. Good luck

xo,

kristin nicole

I’m cheating on my husband and almost got pregnant

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Cheating.... image by: google.com/images

The Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole;

I have read your blog and I have to tell you that I admire what you do and I love the advices you give, so I have brought to you my situation…

I have to mention that I am 20, married, part-time worker and college student. My husband (20 yrs old)  works full-time at night, so we only see each other like 2 hrs a day, since he sleeps all afternoon long. I have gotten in a situation I hate to be in… An old crush (20 yrs old)  appeared a couple of months ago, we decided to hang out one day. We went to the mall and walked around and just talked about life and what we’ve done all that time in which we didnt see each other. As the day went by I felt this amazing chemistry we had, like if we knew eachother from a long time. As the week went by we texted each other and decided to meet again ( I know this was a big mistake). We went to the zoo and after we were out of the zoo, we walked towards a little park that’s infront of the Zoo. We sat down on the grass and talked for a while, as we were talking, we ended up kissing…  Since that day things have gotten more serious, we’ve met many times and had intercourse… My husband and I do not have time for each other, all he wants to do is sleep when he gets home since he is tired and I understand that. When he wakes up, its time for me to go to work and when I get off work, its time for him to go to work… My Ex-crush makes me feel like I havent felt in a long time.. last month, my Ex-crush and I thought I was preagnant, and he was very happy and willing to support me? Even though the child was not going to be raised by him. We found out I was not preagnant which was a big relief for me. I am starting to feel more than just attraction for him… I do not want to fall in love and I feel that is too late to stop what I have started… But really I can not picture my life without my husband. Even though we’ve only been married for 3 yrs, we’ve built alot of things together, credit, car, house, friends and etc., and i feel that nothing is really worth leaving my husband.  I have a life with my husband, i do not want to divorce him, no one in my family has ever gotten one. I dont want to keep cheating on him, I have no idea what to do, maybe your answer will be to stop seeing my lover but really thats really hard since we are very good friends and he makes me happy, and I am  now  starting to have feelings for him. My lover mentioned that having a baby with me would be the best thing that could happen to him, and that confused me a lot. He says that we should try to have one, but I dont think it is right. What would be your advice?

~Too Young

My Response:

Dear Too Young;

I want to first start off by saying; Thank you so much for following my site. I hope that I can help you with what I am going to say.
I am not going to say that it is impossible to love two people at once, because it is possible, but you cannot be with two people at once, living a lie and trying to keep them both at arms reach. No one can tell you what choice to make, not even me. You have to truly see who you are truly in love with and be with that person. If you truly love your husband, you would not want to be with another man. I understand that it’s hard because of your time schedules to spend time together, but you need to communicate to your husband, and you need to try and make time for each other, or the relationship is not going to work. If you really want to make things work with your husband you need to end things with your friend. Do not take into consideration that no one in your family has ever gotten a divorce, if you aren’t in love with your husband it is better to move your separate ways now, then later down the road when you have children. It’s hard when you have a life built with someone you care for, but do you think it is okay to stay with someone just because you built credit, a house and a life with them? Life and marriage are so much more than that, and you will learn that one day. You are still young and you married young and there are many things in life you still have to experience. Do not stop yourself from doing what you want for you, because of what family or others might say. If you feel you really want to be with this other man, then you need to be honest with your husband and let him go. The fact that this man wants to have a baby with you, shows that he really cares for you, in his own way. I do not think that he will be okay with another man raising your child, I think he wants you to get pregnant because he believes this will give you the excuse to leave your husband. You are young and in my opinion, I would make sure to use birth control methods. You need to figure out what you want before bringing a child into this world. You also do not want to lie to your child about who their real father is, that is wrong on all levels. It isn’t fair to hold onto both men, when in the end you are only hurting yourself. No one can tell you which man to choose, you need to make that choice on your own. I think deep down you know the choice you want to make, I think you are just scared to make it. Life is too short to not make the choices in life that will make you happy. If you are grown up enough to get married, grown up enough to cheat, you are grown up enough to make a decision.
Good luck.
xo,
kristin nicole

 

Feeling Lost

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Feeling Lost. image by: google.com/images

The Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole;

I feel like I’m losing control of how I feel. Sometimes I feel okay and happy and other times I am feeling like the world is passing me by and I don’t know how to make it slow down. I feel like nothing right is going on in my life, and as much as I try, I feel like I am stuck in the same place I have been in for the last few years. How do I try to get out of this rut and into making things happen?

~Feeling Lost

My Response:

Dear Feeling Lost;

It’s normal to feel lost sometimes, I think at one point in everyone’s life we sometimes wonder where our lives are going. If you feel like you are stuck, try to write down a few goals you want to finish (realistic time frame goals) before the year is over. We can not sit and wait for things to happen in life, sometimes we need to get up and push a little. If you are looking for a career change, maybe it’s time to go back to school. If you already have your education then get out there and start applying to every job that interests you. If you have the dream job and you are more concerned with financial stability, then talk to your boss about a raise or start looking for another job that will pay you more. If you just feel like you are stuck where you are, just know that you are never truly stuck. You can always move, and try something different. If you are in a relationship and you feel you are stuck there too, then talk to your boyfriend/girlfriend, see where your relationship is going. I am not sure exactly where you feel stuck, so I am just putting things out there. Feeling stuck can be draining sometimes. Sometimes we have to truly sit back and reflect on what we want to change. It isn’t going to be easy but when we push ourselves, you will be surprised at how far you can go.

kristin nicole

Should I cheat with my boyfriends best friend?

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Flirting. image by: google.com/images

The Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole;

I am thinking about cheating on my boyfriend with his best friend. We have been flirting recently and hung out the other day alone, we didn’t do anything but we came close to kissing. Should I see where it goes or leave it alone?

My Response:

Dear Flirt;

It is never a good idea to hook up with anyone while in a relationship, that’s one. Second, hooking up with your boyfriends best friend is probably one of the worst things a girl can do. Not only are you messing with your relationship but that’s your boyfriends friend. At this point, I can say that the best friend is not being a good friend to begin with if he’s hanging out with his best friend’s girlfriend alone and flirting. This is just temptation you don’t need. At the end of the day, the best friend gets what he wants, which is you, and at the end of the day the friendship will probably survive, and you will be the only one left alone. Don’t ruin your relationship, if you aren’t happy then break up with your boyfriend, but I repeat ‘DON’T HOOK UP WITH HIS BEST FRIEND’.

xo,
kristin nicole

I know…

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I know... image by: google.com/images

I know

I know what it feels like
I know what it takes
I know deep inside you feel lost
A wall you have built
To let everyone out
Hoping that will make things better
Losing yourself within the doubt

When things start looking better
You sabotage your own results
Living a lie not in pleasure
You cry in bed at all costs

I know how you feel
I was there too
Not knowing who you are
Pretending to be two

Living in the dark
Not knowing where to go
Living a lie of happiness
When all you feel is alone

You don’t have to cry
You don’t have to feel alone
You don’t need to defy all the odds
You have to just let go

Let go of the sadness, of the anger and tears
Look deep inside yourself
And get rid of all your fears

Deep down there is a way
Even though you may not see
But everyone at one point feels alone
You just have to wake up and see
That although you do not want to hear it, see it or believe it
Family is always there
Because we care.

Take a moment to see who you are
Know that in the end you will go far
You have to have faith and see what we see
Because deep down inside you want to be free,
And the only way to do that is to be honest with yourself
remember that in the end, you can only change yourself.

xo
kristin nicole

© Written by: Kristin Nicole – August 2012