Dear Kristin Nicole;
I got to know about you from your blog. I also saw how you have been helping everyone with all the questions. I am going through a huge confusion in my life. I come from an indian family where girls and guys get married by 23-24. I am 23. I have been dating this guy for 7 months now and I do really like him. the problem is his parents don’t even know that he has a friend let alone a girlfriend. I knew him for 4 years before we started dating, until now we used to live very close. ( same floor ) but now he has gone back to his parents ( 5 hours flight ) since we both finished at the University. He doesn’t even talk to me when his parents are around. He hardly texts 1-2 times a day and only if I message him first. From what I have known, his dad is really strict, he can never go against his dad, and he claims that he loves me but I am not at the age ( according to my culture ) where I can just fool around and not be serious. My family already knows about him, and I can even talk to him for hours.
Now I just got in touch with my ex. he is a family friend and just through family functions I see him now and then. The reason we broke up was something very silly, he just told me he still loves me and cares about me which I know is true because he has shown all that ever since we broke up ( 2 years ago ). He has tried really hard to get me back. I love his parents ( I know them for a really long time ) his sister is amazing and even he is a really decent guy. My parents love him too.
Lately I have been feeling a bit tilted towards my ex. I am NOT cheating on my bf. I just dont understand why my bf can’t tell his parents about me. If he doesn’t want to introduce me as a gf , why cant he introduce me as a friend either? Am I overreacting? I have been feeling that my bf takes me for granted, he uses me to cook food for him, to be there for his work ( we were in the same program, I helped him with a lot of things ), to ‘agree’ in everything he has to say ( he is very stubborn), he would never listen to what I have to say and will always end up making everyone agree with him even though he knows he is wrong. One more thing I have noticed about my bf is he always TELLS me things but never DOES anything.
Should I just patch things up with my ex just because I feel safer with him and insecure with my bf ?
Please help me…
You first should handle your relationship with your boyfriend, you need to figure out if this is the type of relationship you want to be in. I understand that in your families their are rules on relationships, however the fact that you were able to be honest with your family and he cannot be honest with his is something you need to look at. I am sure it was just as hard for you to come clean to your parents about your relationship as it would for him. If he truly loved you and wanted to be with you he would MAN up and talk to his family about you. If his family still disapproved at least you can then decide what to do from there. If he has tried to make you look wrong in front of others is that something that you want to deal with all the time?
Do you want to be in a relationship where he is hiding you from his family? Where you can’t even talk or text because he is scared what his parents will say? If you are in a relationship then it should be open to the family no matter what the circumstances should be. Love should never be hidden from the truth.
As for your ex-boyfriend, I do not think you should get back with him just because he comforts you and is there for you. If you feel that you may still be in love with your ex-boyfriend then it is something you should take into consideration, but if you feel you are just being comforted and safe with him, this is not a reason to be with someone. Those are good reasons, however it shouldn’t be the only reason. You first should figure out what you want to do with your current boyfriend and if you feel it is time to let go and move on from him then you can figure out the next step and see if what you really want is to be with your ex. You do not need to choose only between the two either, their are many men out there that I am sure would love to date you. I know in your culture you usually get married by 24 but you are still very young, and I am sure your family will support whatever decision you decide.
Remember to always follow your heart, and do what makes you happy, not what others say you should do. Respect yourself and know that your current boyfriend right now is not respecting you and treating you the way you should be treated. Talk to him and tell him how you feel and then decide where to go from there.
Thank you for visiting my website and I hope that I could help. Good luck and I look forward to your comments in the future.