How do I express myself?

Express yourself. image by: google.com/images

Expressing yourself can sometimes be hard. If you are angry do you tell the person you are fighting with what you feel right then and there? Or should you wait until you cool off and have a more focused mind set? Sometimes letting it out in the moment allows you to really tell the person how you feel but sometimes it’s better to cool off and talk calmly with each other in order to avoid words you may regret later.

Sometimes there comes a time when you argue with your boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, or friend, and sometimes you get so angry you can’t express your feelings. In my case I try to talk in the moment but if I get too frustrated I close myself off because I can’t fathom having a conversation with that person. When I try to say what I am thinking sometimes I over think my thoughts and I end up stoping my self, leaving myself with no words to say.

Why do we do this? Why is it so hard for women and men to say what they feel? Are we afraid of what the other person might say? SOMETIMES, For me that is the case. I’m afraid to get into a bigger argument when I just want them to understand what I am feeling, but that doesn’t always work.

So I find it easier to express myself sometimes through email, letters or text. I know this shouldn’t be the solution but sometimes it’s the only way to get what I feel out in the open. It’s better to get it out one way than not at all. Right?!?

In my letter I try to really go into details on what I feel but you still want to make sure you aren’t crossing the line somewhere. Sometimes in letters the person reading it may interpret your words differently and you don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings, unless taht is your intentions of course.

I found a website that talks about relationships and communication, and I truly believe that communication is the KEY to a healthy and long relationship. You can’t hold things inside because in the end you will only blow up, and that isn’t good for either one of you. This website tries to help MEN communicate better. For those men who have problems communicating check this website out and click HERE.

Even though the website indicates how to communicate more for men towards women, I think it’s good for women to read it as well. Some of women might be a little more like men then we think. Open up to your other half and tell them how you feel, but don’t attack them with your words, just tell them that you only want them to know how you are feeling and what can “we” do to fix it.

Assumptions are the termites of relationships. ~Henry Winkler.

xo
kristin nicole

I’m too involved in my daughters life and it’s taking me away from my son and husband

Over Involved Mother – image by: google.com/images

The Question:

 Dear Kristin Nicole;

I am way too involved in my nearly 15 year old daughter’s life. It consumes me and my happiness seems to be dependent on how happy she is. I find myself getting too involved in social issues and give advice often before she asks for it. We have a great relationship and she tells me so much but I sometimes wish she didn’t. Lately I have lost sleep worrying about girl issues and boyfriend issues. She is extremely attractive and athletic and often suffers from jealous girls trying to knock her down. Lately these girls have been trying to turn boys against her and have succeeded to a point. She says it doesn’t worry her but I struggle to believe that. She says she is fine but I just can’t stop worrying and giving advice. I need to stop before I ruin the wonderful relationship we have had and she stops telling me things. It’s just that I know what can potentially happen and I am trying to protect her from it. Help me to stop as i am neglecting my 11 year old son and husband that is all that is consuming my thoughts. I am an educated person with a degree so I should know better! (Edited by: KN)

My Response:

Dear Over involved mom;

I know it’s hard to not worry about your daughter, but you have already passed the first step of realizing you are too involved. You have to accept that your daughter needs to make her own mistakes and you need to try to let what she tells you not bother you. If your daughter is open with you and she is telling you that she is okay, you need to believe her and let her come to you if things aren’t okay. Start making time for mother and son day. I can only imagine that things in common with an 11 year old son may be difficult but try to see what he wants to do and start giving him attention as well. Also try to make time for a date night with your husband and talk to him about how you are feeling. If you don’t explain to him how you feel then he won’t understand what it is you are going through. If you talk to him then at least he will have a better understanding on what is going on with you. Remember communication is key, let him help you and get your mind off things. Remember teenagers will have ups and downs, that’s why it’s called teenage years, so try not to worry so much about your daughter. It sounds to me like she’s a smart girl, and she already knows she can come to you if she needs you. Start focusing on the good and don’t over analyze everything she tells you.
Good Luck
xo,
kristin nicole

I want to meet her parents but she doesn’t want me to

Meet the Parents. Image found: google.com/images

The Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole;

I am from Vietnamese . It’s my pleasure to be your Friend on Facebook. I’ve read alot of your article at ” Soapnights.com ” . I see a lot of useful advices you’ve given to everybody when they have a problem. Today, I want to tell you a story about myself . I have fallen in love with my present girlfriend of one and half years. She is older than me by one year. We know everything about each other, I love her and she love me too. Now, I am a last year student at Science and Technology school, she graduated a year ago, she is working for a company at the same city where I ‘m studying. Two month ago, I introduced her to my parents. Because she is very good and kind my parents like her very much. I am very happy about that. I offered to visit her parents, they live in another city about 250 kilometers far from my location, but she refused me several times. She had many reasons about it. I don’t know why and because I asked her several times to visit her parents I don’t want to ask her again. I really want to see them and I think it will be very good if I have a good relationship with her parents. I don’t know what to do? I hope you can give me some advices about this problem . Thank you very much!
Truly yours, (Revised by Kristin Nicole 12/11/12)

~Meet Parents

My Response:

Dear Meet Parents;

Good Morning.

Thank you for following up with articles on Soapnights, I truly appreciate it.

Now to your questions… You need to try and sit down with your girlfriend, and tell her you want an honest answer as to why she doesn’t want you to meet her parents. Tell her how it makes you feel when she doesn’t give you a straight answer and that you want to know the reason for her not wanting you to meet them. It can be a few reasons behind why she doesn’t want you meeting them, but you aren’t going to get an answer unless you sit her down and talk to her. I know you have tried several times, but if she is refusing for you to meet her parents, then something is not right with that. A person who is in love should want the other person to meet their parents, as you did with her. I would get to the bottom of this and tell her that if she is serious about your relationship, this is the next step you want to take. You have to wonder though, why she is really being resistant to you meeting her parents. It is either she doesn’t want them to meet you, or she doesn’t want you to meet them. Whatever the reason, you need to be honest with how you feel and tell her this is what you want. Good luck.

xo,

kristin nicole

Never Before

Never Before. Image by: Tony Carrera

Hold me like you’ll never let me go
Love me like I’ve never felt before
Kiss me until the stars shine down
Make love to me and watch my world go round.

I never thought I would love again
but you showed me what it is
It isn’t flowers and hearts
but what I feel within.

You showed me what it was to cry
How to wipe away my tears
you showed me I was better than that
you showed me how to live
you showed me to believe in me
and never give up hope
you showed me your heart

I look at you and I love you
I see what you can be
if only I believed in me
the way you do
I would go a thousand miles just to see your face
cross the mountains just to hear your voice
cross an ocean to feel your arms around me
if only you can see
that what we have together is not just a memory

Hold me like you’ll never let me go
Love me like I’ve never been loved before
Kiss me until the stars shine down
Make love to me and watch my world go round.

©kristin nicole – 2012

When you left

When you left.... image by: google.com/images


When you left

When you left
I couldn’t breath
I had to take one step at a time to make myself believe
The pain ran through my veins
My heart skipped a beat
And every time I thought of you
I lied there in disbelief.

When you left
My world fell apart
Everything around me disappeared from the start
I didn’t think I could move
But I kept everything inside
Without you, my world can’t comply.

I sit there staring at the sky
Wishing you could hear me
Wishing you were here
Why did you have to leave me, when everything about us was real?

Death comes in different forms
But yours was very slow
I got to hold on
But it wasn’t you anymore
I try to think of you when the days were warm
When we loved like there was no tomorrow

You showed me there was love
You showed me there was hope
And I will always love you
I will always miss you
I will always remember you

Because even though you see me walking
Inside a part of me died with you
I’ll never get that back until I see you again

Every day I think of you my heart skips a beat
Deep down inside you will always be with me
Until the day I see you again my love
You will forever remain in my heart.

© Written by: Kristin Nicole – September 2012

Dedicated to all those who have lost someone. Two friends of mine lost their step father recently to cancer, and I cannot imagine the pain they have to go through. The pain their mother is going through. I started writing this because I was thinking about the people I have lost in my life, and I started thinking about them and what they had to endure throughout his sickness. My prayers and thoughts are with them and to all those who have lost a loved one.

xo,
kristin nicole

RIP Luis Ceballos – An Angel was taken

RIP Luis

In life we don’t know how we will die, or when we will die, but for others we are prepared and given no choice but to be taken from our family. Cancer is something not many people plan for, it isn’t something we can every truly understand, and no matter how hard we fight, sometimes Cancer defeats us, and with that God has taken a man that has touched so many. I only met Luis about two times, and in those two times you can tell he was an incredible man. This man meant so much to so many people. He walked into the life of my friends mom, she finally found the love her life and it saddens me to know she has lost him to the battle of cancer.

A man who touched so many lives was lost yesterday, he has left behind a wife, and children and step children, grandchildren, family and friends. Luis had a journal in which he wrote how he felt, his last entry was on Father’s Day of 2012. You can see his journal entries here: http://lceballos61.livejournal.com/. If you truly want to meet a strong man, I recommend you read his journal. He is an inspiration to us all.

Whenever you feel like your life isn’t going the way you expected, stop and be grateful for what you do have in your life. Luis taught us to stop and smell the flowers no matter how hard life hits you. He taught many never to give up and to live life to the fullest. I only hope that his family can take on his strength and that they will one day feel peace in their hearts. Today we mourn a man who was strong, a man who thought more about his own family than any other man I have ever met, and today I give thanks for knowing him, even if it was only for a short time. I give thanks to god for letting his wife and my friends have them in their lives and to love such a wonderful man. I am sorry they had to lose him to cancer and I will pray that they will get through this hard time.

I love you all and my prayers are with you. Today God took not only an incredible man, but an angel. Rest In Peace Luis, we will all miss you.

xo,

kristin nicole

Should I cheat with my boyfriends best friend?

Flirting. image by: google.com/images

The Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole;

I am thinking about cheating on my boyfriend with his best friend. We have been flirting recently and hung out the other day alone, we didn’t do anything but we came close to kissing. Should I see where it goes or leave it alone?

My Response:

Dear Flirt;

It is never a good idea to hook up with anyone while in a relationship, that’s one. Second, hooking up with your boyfriends best friend is probably one of the worst things a girl can do. Not only are you messing with your relationship but that’s your boyfriends friend. At this point, I can say that the best friend is not being a good friend to begin with if he’s hanging out with his best friend’s girlfriend alone and flirting. This is just temptation you don’t need. At the end of the day, the best friend gets what he wants, which is you, and at the end of the day the friendship will probably survive, and you will be the only one left alone. Don’t ruin your relationship, if you aren’t happy then break up with your boyfriend, but I repeat ‘DON’T HOOK UP WITH HIS BEST FRIEND’.

xo,
kristin nicole

Wonder

Wonder - Images by: google.com/images


Wonder

Why do you shut out those that you love?
Why do you lay there pretending you are the only one?
Why can’t you see you’re going to be all alone?
You’ve pushed us away for so long
We are practically out the door.

She loved you but you couldn’t see
All the things she meant to be
With every day the heart grows fonder
In this case, the days grew quieter

With every rain drop tears fell at night
Holding in the anger that made everything alright
Now it’s in the open a relationship that barely exists
Separate lives, one house, not a home
But a reminder of what isn’t there anymore.

We hope and we pray that everything will be alright
Scared to move forward
Staying in something that isn’t right
Pretending everything is okay
Is killing the way I feel
Wondering if love is even real.

Does it always go away?
Or does true love really exist?
Two people, one world, one love
In the end does it all even matter?
Or do we keep moving forward
Pretending that life is going to be okay
Scared to move on
Scared of the world
Scared to be alone
Living in a lie that will never be home.

© Written by: kristin nicole 2012

I won’t Give Up – Jason Mraz

I won't give up - image by: google.com/images

I think this song is beautiful and Jason Mraz is a great singer and performer. Hope you like it….

I won’t give up

When I look into your eyes
It’s like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There’s so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you’ve come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up

And when you’re needing your space
To do some navigating
I’ll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

‘Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We’ve got a lot to learn
God knows we’re worth it
No, I won’t give up

I don’t wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I’m here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you’re still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn’t break, we didn’t burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I’ve got, and what I’m not
And who I am

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up
Still looking up.

I won’t give up on us (no I’m not giving up)
God knows I’m tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We’ve got a lot to learn (we’re alive, we are loved)
God knows we’re worth it (and we’re worth it)

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up

You can see the video HERE

When I see you

when i see you - image by: google.com/images

When I see you

When I see you
I think of her
Wondering if she’s happy
Wondering what went wrong
Why couldn’t I see she was the one?

I tried to move on
Pretend that I was happy
But deep down I’ll never forget
That in the hearts of all hearts I let the best of me go
And when I think of her
She’s all I’ll ever know.

I moved forward with my life
I have someone new
And although a part of me loves her
It will never be you.

You were the one that knew me best
The good with the bad
But I was so stupid to think you would never leave
I was stupid to think I had you
That you would never run away
But when I broke your heart
You had no words to say

I begged you to listen
I begged you to speak
But when I looked at you
You were no longer weak.

You were filled with anger
But you didn’t shed a single tear
Instead I was the one drowning out all my fears
We sat there in silence and you looked in a daze
When I tried to reach you
You were nowhere in sight
When I left that day
It broke me in half
Because I knew that it was over
And you were never coming back.

©kristin nicole – 2012