Tag Archives: marriage

26 years and no longer in love

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Twenty Six Years. Image found: google.com/images

The Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole;

I am thinking about leaving my husband of 26 years. I held on hoping he would change, I held on for the kids, but now that our kids are older I just can’t pretend anymore. I don’t know how to tell him. Can you help me?

~Twenty Six

My Response:

Dear Twenty Six;

It’s never easy letting someone know you want to move on from the relationship, but it’s even harder after so many years. I think you are making the right decision. You shouldn’t keep pretending to be happy, if you aren’t. Try to sit your husband down and explain to him that you are no longer in love with him. I’m sure if you have not been in love with him for a long time, that this is not going to be a total surprise to him. Either way it is not going to be easy, and he may be hurt. But at the end of the day it’s better for the both of you to move on from something that you aren’t happy with. Good luck

xo,

kristin nicole

Cheating & Pregnant

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Cheating ... image by: google.com/images

The Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole;

I’m so desperate for help, and I really don’t know what’s the best way to go about all of this. I’ve been married with my husband for more than 12 years and I’m 34 right now. My relationship with my husband was kind of complicated but it’s getting better and more understanding. However, our sexual relationship has been questionable always, and there was a huge gap between us. Anyhow, short story, in some point of our life I felt that I really hated him, but I never had the strength to divorce him, so I continued living with him, and in the meantime I fell in love with someone else who is still with me. It’s been almost more than a year. We love each other so much, my husband loves me so much too, and now we don’t have any problem like before, and I don’t want to leave him because he’s going to be broken, and I don’t want to divorce him. My boyfriend is married too, and has a very bad relationship with his wife, and he has a daughter. He asked me several time to marry him, but I can’t leave my husband.
Now I’m pregnant with my boyfriend about 3 weeks. I’m sure that it is his baby because I haven’t had any intercourse with my husband for over 2 months. My boyfriend is so excited about the baby and so am I, but I’m so scared about the whole process and I feel guilty that if I decide to keep this baby I have to lie to everyone for my entire life.
Please help me to clear my mind. I know that I’m guilty in the first place and I shouldn’t cheat on my husband, but I really need your help.
My boyfriend doesn’t believe in abortion and he says that the baby is part of our love, and I need to think by my heart. I love to have this baby as well, but when I think of consequences I’m getting more convince that I have to have an abortion.
I can’t lie to everyone. The baby, my husband my family and his family.
Please help me

~Cheating & Pregnant
(Revised: KN)

My Response:

Dear Cheating & Pregnant;

You already know that what you are doing is wrong, and the fact that your ‘boyfriend’ also has a wife is another issue. I understand that you had a complicated marriage, but when you felt that you weren’t happy, you should have left your husband then. It’s been a year that you have been having this other relationship, and your ‘boyfriend’ is still married as well. You need to make a decision, you cannot keep having this double life, it will eventually tear you apart. I can tell you are already struggling with making a decision on what to do now that you are pregnant with your boyfriends child. Your boyfriend probably won’t leave his wife as much as you do not want to leave your husband. If you truly were in love with your husband you wouldn’t be cheating and lying to him. You cannot try to pass this baby off has your husbands child and I’m sure your boyfriend won’t allow that. You will have to face the music and be honest with your husband. I am not going to try and sugar coat this, it is most likely your husband will leave you once he finds out the truth. The truth always comes out, and it is best to be honest with him now then for him to find out about the baby. If you chose to abort the child, that is completely up to you, however, you are in this situation out of free will. You need to really think about what it is you are going to do. Either choice won’t be easy and in the end someone will get hurt, but living a lie and continuing to cheat on your husband is not healthy.

Be honest with yourself, and with both men and decide to be with one or the other.

xo
kristin nicole

Marriage before Sex

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Marriage before Sex

The Question:

Dear Kristin Nicole;

I knew someone for a short time , but I’m into him as well as he is into me. I like him so much but I’m a very religious person and I asked him if he has had sex before, he said yes, and this is a big issue for me and I don’t like it.

I respect the fact that he was very honest with me and that he started to get close to my religion in the short time we have known each other, but I’m afraid for the following issues:

First, he was having sex not making love, by this I mean he was not in a relationship, he just had sex with those girls, without actually loving them. He did it with these girls, girls that will just have sex with any man, and I don’t like this mentality. I can’t accept it easily!

Second, I’m afraid that I’ve never done it before, so I may not be as good as those girls he slept with before. He might miss these previous relationships after our marriage.

The third issue, is that my breast are very small, he may not like it and as you know I will not make love to him before we get married. (This is according to my religion). So I’m afraid that he won’t like it.

What do you think about these issues? I’ll speak to him about it but I need your opinion first .. & .. thank you in advance Kristin
(Revised by: Kristin Nicole)

~ Marriage before Sex

My Response:

Dear Marriage before Sex;

I understand that in your religion you have to wait to be married before having sex, if you are thinking of being with someone that does not have those same beliefs you need to accept their past. Just because he slept with other women before you does not mean that he will think differently of you. You need to be happy with who you are and what you have, don’t worry about having small breast or the fact that you have not had sex. If he is with you then he already finds you attractive. You do need to make sure that he understands your beliefs and that you are not going to have sex with him unless you are married. If he is okay with that and really cares for you then the rest will go from there. You can not judge someone for their actions and their beliefs because they are different than yours, if he is a good man and he treats you right, then you need to leave his past in the past. If you feel that you cannot get over the fact that he has slept with other women then you need to really think about being with him, because you do not want to hold that against him. It is very natural now a days for a man and a woman to have sex and not make love, it doesn’t make it right or wrong but it happens. You have to look past that if you want to have a relationship with him, and he will need to respect you for your beliefs as well. Remember to always love yourself, don’t feel insecure about your body, we are born with what we have for a reason and the person we are with will love us for who we are and how we look.

xo,
kristin nicole

5 Romantic Proposal Ideas

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Love You

5 Romantic Proposal Ideas

When you finally feel in your heart that the person you are with is the person you want to share the rest of your life with, it’s important to make that one lasting memory of proposing to her last a life time…

Here are five romantic ideas on how to propose to your girlfriend:

5. Vacation Getaway – Take a romantic vacation getaway, either to a remote location, big city or a place you both like to travel to often. Most places will accommodate you if you ask them to. For example; if you are going to a remote location like a private beach, ask the hotel if you can light some candles down the pathway to where you want to propose, maybe have some flowers and champagne waiting for you at the end of the walk way. You can also set up something nice in the hotel room (get a nice view so that it makes it all the more beautiful). In a big city, you can pick any beautiful area in the city to propose to and if you go to a place you normally travel to it will definitely be unexpected, try to find a spot that you can always go back to.

4. Beach / Lake View – If you live near the beach, sunset is the best time to propose… well that’s my opinion but picture it – Sunset, flowers, and proposal – WOW. If you don’t live near a beach you can propose by a beautiful Lake setting, anything near the water is absolutely beautiful and breathtaking.

3. Park or Historic Area – If you have beautiful parks in your area, you can go on a walking trail, try to have someone help you set up a setting so when you reach the trail it’s set up for a surprise. If you go to a historic area, I’m sure they will help you out and you can whisk your girlfriend away to a memory she’ll never forget.

2. Family and Friend Setting – If your girlfriend likes the attention and you are absolutely sure she is going to say yes, then surprise her in front of her family and friends. She will love the surprise and the attention.

1. Intimate Private Moment – Home settings can be just as romantic. If you cannot afford to go on a vacation or go somewhere special your girlfriend is not going to care, the most important part is that you try to make it as romantic as possible. You can set candles up all over your house, add some nice music, champagne and you. There is nothing more romantic than a private setting.

There are millions of ways you can propose to your girlfriend, and at the end of the day even the not so planned proposals are romantic in their own way. The most important thing to remember is that you love each other, in the end nothing else matters.

Happy engagement….

xo,
kristin nicole

Sex problems with my husband?

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The Question:

Me and my husband used to have a great sex life before we had children. We have been married 3 years now and together 6. I am 24 and he is 27. We have sex about once a month now…

Now yesterday I was laying naked in bed with a bra on covered in oil and he came to cuddle me after he got in from work. So kids in bed everything quite, I started to kiss him and put the moves on and he said “oh I’ve got to get something to eat” So I was like fine…

Anyway I found him looking at porn (on the history) this morning while I was asleep???? I don’t get this, he had the chance to have sex with me yet he watches porn?

I am not fat and ugly or anything, I get looks off other men all the time, I just don’t get it. I wear makeup and sexy clothes all the time! I’m only 24, I go to zumba and have a great body, no one would know that I have had two kids…What do I do?

My Response:

Dear Once a Month;

Communication is key, you need to talk to your husband and see what is going on with him. How old are your children? Maybe he just feels weird having sex while the children are in the house, this is not to say this is an excuse but you won’t know what he is feeling until you talk to him. If you were in bed all oiled up I can’t see how he wouldn’t jump on you right then and there. Something is definitely up, and you won’t get answers staying quiet. Speak up and tell him how you feel.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

Would leaving my 10yr old stepdaughter with my abusive husband be selfish?

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The Question:

Would leaving my 10yr old stepdaughter with my abusive husband be selfish? I love her, she has been raised as mine and wants to come with me but taking her or even raising the desire to take her will open the door to the manipulation and disorder that I want to leave far far behind. My husband is an unmitigated narcissist who will withhold money, disrupt birthdays and holidays, tell hurtful lies, be violent or distant to me and the children anything that suits his current control needs. I can now leave all that but not if I have his daughter. But I know she will bear the brunt of all that if I leave her. What do I do?

My Response:

Dear Step-Mom;

First things first, did you adopt his daughter when she was little? If you did not adopt her I am not sure if you have any rights to having full custody, but you can talk to a lawyer and see what your options are. This is a very difficult situation because you do not want to stay in an abusive relationship but you can not leave your step daughter with him either if he is abusive. Find a way to either take full custody or see if there is someone that can fight for custody of her. I think that there might be a way to file custody for her if you choose to be responsible of her since she knows you and was raised by you. You need to find this out first and go from there, but it is not healthy for either of you to stay in a house if he is being violent with you. I hope this helps, good luck and I would love for you to keep me updated, I am interested in finding out if you are able to file for custody. I looked up a few sites and a few say you might be able to but nothing concrete. As to your original question of being selfish if you leave your step daughter with your abusive husband, I have to say yes, I know it is a hard position to be in, but you raised her and she should not be left with him alone, either fight for her or you need to make the decision of calling child services on him. It is a hard decision but I think your best bet is to go to a lawyer first and find out your options. Good Luck!

xo
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

My wife wants to sleep with another woman

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The Question:

Dear; kristin nicole

My wife told me that she has been having feelings for a co-worker of hers, at first I was conflicted because I thought she meant a guy but then she told me that it was another woman. I’m still conflicted with this, because we have known each other for 10 years and she has never gave off that she likes other woman. She told me that this other woman wants to sleep with her and she wouldn’t mind if I watched, but I don’t know what to think about this. Most men would love for their wives to sleep with another woman and be able to watch, but if she ends up wanting to sleep with other woman all the time? She says I can’t join them, I can only watch. Do I let her sleep with this other woman or not?
~Husband

My Response:

Dear Husband;

I think you are right, I think most men would be thrilled to watch their wife or girlfriend be with another woman, but I understand your concern in regards to her wanting to do this more than once. Talk to your wife and ask her what has brought this on? Is this just a one time thing to get out of her system, out of curiosity? You need to think about this and you need to really be sure that you will be okay with your wife sleeping with another woman. Perhaps your wife is in the closet and isn’t sure which side of the bed she really wants to sleep on. This is a tough decision and you need to truly be okay with what your wife is asking. Communicate with your wife, your concerns and make it clear that if you are okay with this, it can only happen once. Personally, I don’t think a man or woman should want to sleep with any other person, and I think this is something she should have gotten out of her system before you got married, but the fact that you have known her for so long and she has never done anything like this, makes it seem like she is either bored or has always been curious of the same sex. Talk to your wife and make the decision together.

xo,
kristin nicole

My husband wants me to try Swinging…

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The Question:

Dear kristin nicole

My husband asked me the other day if I was willing to go to a swingers club with him. I don’t know what to think of this. We have been married for only 2 years, is he bored of me already that he wants to sleep with other people? I asked him why he would want to go to a swingers club and he said he just wanted to spice things up for us. I thought we had pretty good sex, so I am not sure what I can do. I don’t feel comfortable sleeping with other people or my husband sleeping with other people, but I’m scared that if I don’t go he will cheat on me and leave me. Do I go so that I don’t lose him? Or do I tell him no, and hope he doesn’t leave me.
~Swinger

My Response:

Dear Swinger;

If you want my personal opinion then I would say NO…. I don’t think that in a marriage people should sleep with other people. If you are married, you should be committed and happy to be with just that one person. How long have you known your husband? Has he always been a little freaky? If this is something new all of a sudden then you need to really sit down with your husband and tell him how you feel. If he is willing to end your marriage just because you don’t believe swinging is the answer to better sex, then maybe you need to truly think about what kind of man you married. Do you want to be with a man that wants to sleep with other woman, and that is willing for his wife to sleep with other men? Tell your husband that you are willing to try other things in the bedroom and spice it up in other ways, but if you don’t feel comfortable going to a swingers club then you need to speak up. Giving in and going just because your husband wants to might end up badly in the end either way, you may end up resenting him for making you go. Go with how you feel and talk to your husband, if he loves you I am sure he will be okay with whatever decision you make.

xo,
kristin nicole

Is it wrong to feel this way about my wife?

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The Question:

Me and my wife dated 7 months, got married, and now we are almost married a full year. We almost got divorced 2 different times, one was a week ago. She has a bad emotional past (family divorces, alcoholism in two fathers) and we don’t share much in common, we were attracted to each other sexually very much, and developed a friendship and evolved into love. Lately it hasn’t been good, past few months have been crappy. When it gets good though, I always seem to wish she would be this girl I have in my head, who wears dresses all the time and is extremely feminine and sweet. My wife never wears dresses (it sucks!) and is more “country” than “feminine city girl”. I knew this going in, but now I just wish she would be like that. What do I do? Is there a real girl out there to fulfill this need of mine or maybe just stick with my wife, who I have a relationship with and shared many memories with? I just don’t wanna miss out on anything in life. Sometimes it sucks because I like video games and good movies and she hates games and likes one type of movie. Also she always seems too “sick” or “hurt” to do anything or go anywhere fun. She is on meds for Arthritis and a couple other things. (we are both 22 years old). She also has self esteem issues, she is codependent on others too. I wish she was independent. She has had many jobs but quite them all for various reasons. any advice?
~Too Young

My Response:

Dear Too Young;

It sounds to me like you got into this marriage way too fast. If you love her, try talking to her about how you feel, try perhaps marriage counseling. If you are staying with her just because you feel bad and you aren’t truly in love with her then maybe the best thing to do is go your separate ways. You are both very young and you have so much left to do in your life. If you don’t have any kids this is the easiest divorce that you can have, just split what you have and move on. There are many other women out there that you can have more in common with, next time though, don’t get married so quickly and really get to know the person you are with. No one is ever going to like the same things 100% of the time, but each person has to be willing to try and do the things their partner likes. If you love your wife, try talking to her first, maybe she would be willing to wear dresses more often and watch a different type of movie every now and then, if she really isn’t willing to try and you just aren’t in love with her anymore then you have a decision to make.
Good luck.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com

It’s been 12 years & NO SEX!

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The Question:

What do you do when you’re really sick of being married?
I’ve been married 12 years, but my husband and I have never had sex. He can’t. He doesn’t even try anymore (he never really did). We separated for 4 years because of it. People say he must be gay… We got back together a few months ago because I felt divorce is a sin…And sit or get off the pot, ya know. But nothing’s changed. I thought I could deal, but now I don’t know. What’s worse, he’s dirty and messy. He doesn’t shower or brush his teeth enough. I look at him and think Ick. I’m turned off but still don’t want an eternity of celibacy. Sigh…I really don’t want to hurt him. But I’m only 38 and I’d like a normal sex life.

What can I do?

My Response:

Dear Celibate;

I normally say try to work out, communicate with him what you need, but 12 years is a long time, why you stuck it out this long is beyond me, and why you married a man that wasn’t at all affectionate or intimate with you is also beyond me. You said you have never had sex with your husband? I am not sure what to say about this…. He either has issues with his member or he is in the closet, but why he would stay in a marriage where neither of you is happy is again “BEYOND ME”…. I know you think divorce is a sin, but you are still young, and no one should live in a marriage where they aren’t happy, where they are celibate from their own marriage, you are missing all the fun, all the intimacy moments to have with your spouse, to share and love and grow. You are still young, you need to move on, get out there and find a man that knows how to satisfy your needs. You need to LIVE, we only live once and life is too short to stick around someone you aren’t even happy with. Like I said I normally say try to work things out if you love him, and communicate, but this looks like a lost case (12 years) is a long time, it’s time to get off the pot like you said, and move on! Love yourself and find a man that will love you back.

xo,
kristin nicole

I found this question on Answers.Yahoo.com